New Feelings
by Shadows Run
Summary: A new friend makes everyone raise an eyebrow. He's got a dark past that rivals Dally's, but eyes and fears that make Johnny's seem tame. What relief is there to be found? Darry lovin, slash, rewrite and edit, October 2006...
1. Introductions?

_I'm revamping this story because I felt bad leaving it despite need for editing and the fact that I forgot a few things involving plot. And it's been nominated for an award at Wrong Side of the Track Awards for best addition (aka oc) so I felt like it should be a better example of writing._

_Don't own the Outsiders or any characters therein. Don't sue me, I only have a fat beagle…_

_This story will eventually contain slash, boy hearts boy type material, not yet but it does in later chapters. Please don't hate or flame me, okay? I'll give you cookies if you're nice…_

Ponyboy didn't walk to the movies anymore. He didn't hang out with the gang as much either. He rode to the movies and spent time with a new friend. Ponyboy watched him as he stayed silent throughout the movie. Ponyboy liked going to the movies with him. It didn't bother him to have Justin with him because Justin was quiet and Ponyboy couldn't put himself in movies anymore. He wondered why he even went. Then he remembered watching the emerald green eyes turn to his as the credits rolled and knew.

Ponyboy was nervous about Justin meeting his brothers and the gang. Justin wasn't a typical Greaser or a typical anything. The only thing he knew for sure about Justin was that he was beautiful. Ponyboy cursed using that word but his vocabulary couldn't define what exactly caused his stomach to flutter at the sight of the black haired, emerald-eyed boy that spent so much time listening to Ponyboy.

But he didn't feel that way about Justin. No. He just felt a real connection to someone for the first time since Johnny and Dally died. And he wanted the gang to feel it or at least understand it too.

He felt bad about not knowing much about Justin but Justin reassured him that he didn't have much to tell. Ponyboy felt there was something, just as dark, tainted and painful as Johnny and Dally, lurking in Justin's past. He didn't ask often.

(la la la break in text here)

Justin let Ponyboy drive his truck and Ponyboy drove to his house. Darry was home and sitting on the porch with Soda. Two Bit and Steve were probably inside. Ponyboy sighed.

"Are you okay Pony?" Justin blinked.

"Yeah. Let's go." Ponyboy got out as Justin slid from his truck, tossing him the keys and stealing glances at him as odd rays of evening sun caught his eyes, making him blink. He was real nervous about Darry meeting Justin because Justin was a little edgy around bigger guys. Not scared, but he wouldn't let anyone mess with him. Pony knew from firsthand experience, seeing Justin shove a guy with a good forty pounds on him against a locker.

"Pony, aren't you young to be driving?" Darry asked, standing up and barely registering the new face. Ponyboy lead the way and Justin kept the same calm, stoic expression he reserved for strangers.

"It's all right Darry." Pony said. Darry blinked and leaned on the porch railing.

"Be careful, especially in some one else's car. Who is this?" Darry turned his icy eyes to Justin and Justin returned his gaze. Pony wondered if they'd get along since they both had that icy glare, emerald and sapphire gazes interlocking.

"This is Justin. This are my brothers Darry and Sodapop."

"Hey Justin." Soda nodded and called for Steve and Two Bit. Darry offered his hand and Justin took it, ignoring the grip implemented to make him flinch.

"Hey guys, this is Justin. Justin, this is Steve and Two Bit." Steve and Two Bit made some sort of acknowledgement and a moment was spent with the gang sizing Justin up. Ponyboy didn't want to know what they were thinking.

Soda and Steve exchanged glances and Steve rolled his eyes. Justin wasn't much of a Greaser. He was thin, high cheekbones that made him look like one of those magazine models, no hair grease and his eyes were almost feminine for the depth of their hue. Steve didn't even know why Pony bothered to bring him over here. Maybe he was tougher than he looked. Little guys were usually scrappy.

Soda couldn't help stare at Justin's bottle green eyes. He seemed dormant. Waiting for something to spark his life again. His eyes were the only things that struck Soda as truly alive.

Two Bit yawned as the other gang members sized Justin up. He'd seen Justin with Pony before. They seemed to get along well and Pony needed someone who could be quiet and listen. Two Bit lacked that skill but he watched Justin and admired his stillness as he turned to watch the sun set.

Darry wondered why Pony had such strange friends now. He didn't hang out at home as much or with the gang and was gone a lot. This was the only new friend they'd met. He wondered who else would follow the thin black haired boy with cold eyes. He wondered what this boy would mean for their gang. They didn't need a green-eyed boy if he was going to cause trouble.

"Are you ready to work on that story for English Pony?" Justin asked. He seemed a little less calm now that the stand and stare period had extended into a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah. We're going to work in my room, give us a holler if you guys need anything." Pony said.

"Work out in the living room with us. We'll watch Mickey Mouse." Two Bit said, chugging a soda he took from Soda's hand.

"Yeah, come on, we barely see you anymore kid." Steve said.

"Come on Pony." Soda said, smiling.

"Is that all right with you Justin?" Pony asked.

"Sure." Justin said, noting the still palpable stares from the gang members.

"Just make sure you're working." Darry said, blinking at the green-eyed boy.

They settled in the living room, Steve and Soda playing cards and Two Bit stretched on the couch while Pony and Justin leaned against the couch on the floor, looking over a pile of papers. Darry sat in the armchair and read the paper.

"You should number your pages on the final draft Pony. Your teacher is real particular." Justin said, sorting through the random papers.

"Yeah, I have the first few numbered. Here." Pony said. Justin took them and started reading.

"Last time I checked you didn't need help in English Pony." Darry said, blinking at Justin as he eased onto his stomach on the carpet.

"I just want this one to be real good Darry. And Justin isn't just here to help me with school, we hang out a lot." Pony said.

"Does this mean you'll be here all night working on schoolwork and talking about girls? Sounds down right fun." Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"Laugh all you want, Justin is smarter than you and gets better grades." Pony said.

"You even bother keeping track of your grades?" Two Bit laughed.

"He's got all As. It wouldn't take him all night to help me with school." Pony said, trying to grin.

"Hey, don't bring up that time Two Bit tried to teach you how to make excuses for not doing homework." Soda said. Justin chuckled as he read. He could imagine Two Bit's excuses could be very convincing.

"So do you live with your folks Justin?" Darry asked.

"No."

"Who do you live with then?" Two Bit asked. He seemed surprised. In Tulsa, no matter what your parents did, you usually couldn't just leave them. Even if you could, most gang members, tuffness aside, couldn't.

"I rent a room in some guys house. I need to move out soon though." Soda handed him a soda and stepped over him to continue a game of poker.

"Why? Seems like a good deal to me. Hell I'm tempted to have you sign me up." Steve said.

"If it'd get you outta my house a little more often I wouldn't mind either." Darry said. Steve rolled his eyes. He knew Darry didn't really mind.

"It's not a living arrangement I would recommend." Justin stretched and Two Bit sat on the floor beside him, sitting and leaning on Justin as Justin remained on his stomach.

"Why'd you leave your parents' house then?" Darry asked. Justin didn't meet his eyes but continued shuffling papers.

"That is a loaded question. Is this your second draft Pony?" Justin asked.

"First." Pony said.

"Looks good so far." Justin smiled.

"What all happened?" Soda asked, blinking at Justin as he stretched. He asked so Darry wouldn't get a chance to mutter something about being rebuffed.

"My parents split and so did I." Justin said.

"Didn't wanna live with either of them?" Two Bit asked.

"Hell no." Justin said, still reading.

"Problems at home?" Darry asked, even though it was more of a question as to the seriousness of said problems since they obviously existed.

"He's the type to have problems with his folks, aren't you? Staying out late with girls?" Two Bit prodded Justin and Justin smiled.

"I had a problems with my parents and I solved it the only way I could." Justin said.

"Running from a problem doesn't usually solve it." Darry said. Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"I didn't say I ran from it. And it's only measurably better now." Justin said.

"How so?" Steve asked.

"I rent the guy's spare bedroom and he watches videos from the adult only section late at night. At a very inappropriate volume level." Justin shuddered. Darry peered at Justin from the top of his paper.

"Are you serious?" Soda asked.

"Yes." Two Bit broke out into laughter.

"Hey, you aren't paying for them-"

"Two Bit!" Soda smacked Two Bit and he kept laughing.

"Sounds like a good quality home. Much better than your parents?" Darry said.

"Much. And they aren't the type I would pay for Two Bit." Justin chuckled.

"This one is a keeper. Who is making dinner in this joint?" Two Bit asked.

"Darry and I made it last night. It's your turn. Pony, will you go help him and make sure he doesn't start a fire?" Soda asked.

"All right." Pony said as Two Bit pulled him up.

Darry took his reading glasses off and turned the lamp off. He moved to the couch, watching the slight boy move from his path.

"Hey, take a break and sit on the couch." Darry said. His gruff commands didn't register as a threat to Justin but he was wary of the built man. Justin got up, stretching before sitting a safe distance from Darry.

"Hey, I didn't mean to offend you." Justin said.

"What did you say that would've offended me?" Darry met his eyes and noted a glitter of something strange in his eyes at direct eye contact.

"A lot of people would do anything to have their parents back. It seems assine that I ran from them, especially if I don't tell you why. So, I probably seem like an ass." Justin said, smiling to keep a tremor of terror from griping him. Darry had one hell of a stare.

"I knew people would give anything to ditch their parents too. You haven't said anything that would offend a priest. Want me to look over whatever you're doing?" Darry asked.

"I'm done with Pony's. You can look at my math homework if you want. I don't mind the help." Justin rolled his eyes and bent to his backpack, his shirttail sliding higher and exposing a tattoo on the boy's back. Darry's stomach clenched. He refocused his thoughts on math.

"Not fond of math?" Darry asked.

"Not especially." Justin handed him two sheets of paper, the problems and his hand written solutions.

"You have nice hand writing. It's a lot like my mom's." Justin chuckled.

"I get that a lot." Darry looked over the numbers and saw a step missing in nearly every problem.

"You're missing a step. Here, let me show you." Justin handed him a pencil and came closer.

"Damn. I did that wrong in every problem." Justin said.

"Better I tell you than your teacher, right?" Darry said.

"Yeah." Justin said. Soda settled down beside Justin and looked at the math.

"Whoa. That's way beyond me." Soda said.

"It's beyond me too, I just bull shit my way through classes." Justin said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't knock it, it's a valuable skill." Soda said.

"You have no idea."

_**Author: I just edited most of this, some grammar and word issues resolved, the plotline is almost exactly the same and I added some stuff I neglected in the first version… **_

_**If you kinda like the style but despise ocs, go read my other fic, it's a Darry Dally pairing, called Dreams and Promises, two chapters, short, sweet and lemony… Click on my profile… Go… Please? **_


	2. Lies

_Edited/rewritten in October 2006 due to me understanding that I need to step it up and because it's been nominated… Once again, this will eventually contain slash (boy hearts boy). You're warned. If it gets serious, I'll warn you so you can skip it, if it so behooves you. _

Justin came around more often and Pony realized he didn't need to feel nervous about him being around the gang. The gang liked him and he was quiet. He fit in well even when he wasn't quiet but he always was. He grew quieter as a few weeks passed. His eyes were darker and he yawned more. He seemed more foggy and distant. It became obvious something was up when he passed out cold and spent the night on the couch. He never stayed the night and he'd never fallen asleep, especially so deep.

"Justin?" Darry shook him awake, touching his shoulders. Justin recoiled from his touch, groaning. Darry peered at the part of his shoulder he could see and noted dark bruises on the top of his shoulders, as if someone had shaken him. Darry sighed. He knew it. He could spot them a mile away, just like his mother could with Johnny. Someone was hurting Justin.

"Did I sleep here?" Justin pulled himself into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes.

"Yes. Is something going on Justin?" Darry asked. He didn't talk to the cold-eyed boy much. He just watched him. It didn't feel like they needed to talk to understand each other.

"No. I'm just tired. I should go." He met Darry's eyes and found a strange look of understanding there.

"It's Saturday. You'd just end up here anyway. And it doesn't look like you're in any hurry to go wherever you call home." Darry said.

"You have a point." Justin said, getting up and stretching.

"What are those bruises from?" Darry asked. Justin looked to Darry, eyebrow raised.

"It's nothing Darry."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to get hurt or anything like that." Darry said, wanting Justin to understand he wasn't just being overbearing because Justin was young and small; Darry was trying to protect him because he was Pony's friend and a member of what remained of his gang. He'd never let Ponyboy know that and it had caused trouble. Justin needed to trust Darry because Darry needed Justin to trust him.

"I'll be fine Superman. You don't need to protect me."

Justin lied.

_Author: Ooooo, cliff hanger. I know where it's going but I don't know which gang member falls for the poor green eyed boy. Any suggestions? If you really want, I'll add other pairings too. Rating might go up in later chapters..._

_**Ahh no suggestions really. It's written and I'm just editing…(Hides) I left the original author's notes in because they're cute. Sue me.**_


	3. Sulking?

_Edited/rewritten in October 2006 because it's nominated for some awards… And the entire part where it needed some help before hand with the entire "grammar" concept… I don't own Jude the Obscure either but I have read it and I'm sorry if referring to it miffs you. _

_Will eventually contain slash (boy hearts boy), not as of yet but it's there… _

Darry fell asleep reading a book Justin left for him. _Jude the Obscure_ was a long book and something about it sucked Darry in. Seeing how circumstances morphed Jude's life related to Darry's, even though he could guess that Jude wouldn't end up being a happy man in the end. Darry started when the phone rang since he'd entered a very Pony-esque reading trance and set the book down, wondering who would be calling this late.

"Hello?"

"Darry?" Justin asked.

"What's wrong?" Darry knew the tone of voice. Johnny used the same hushed, pain-ridden tone when he needed help. It also reminded him of Dally; the pain made him determined and his voice told Darry so.

"Can you come pick me up?"

"Where are you?" Darry asked.

"I'm at the hospital."

"What happened?" Darry asked.

"Can you just come get me? They won't let me leave without someone over eighteen to drive me home." Justin asked. He sounded very tired. Darry could see Justin and a tired Justin but a Justin in the hospital frightened him beyond words.

"Yeah, where can I find you?" Darry asked.

"I'm in the emergency room." Justin said. He really sounded like Dally now. In the ER late at night and not divulging how he got there. Darry shook his head.

"I want an explanation eventually kid."

"I know. Can you hurry?" Justin asked. Johnny crept into his voice again.

"Why are you so anxious to leave?" Darry asked.

"They're going to call my parents soon." Justin said. Darry could've sworn the white knuckled, trembling Johnny was at the other end.

"All right, I'm coming."

Darry wandered to the emergency room and asked for Justin. The nurses seemed familiar with Justin's name and that disturbed Darry. A short, blonde nurse led him to where Justin was placed on a white bed, looking quite drugged up.

"We gave him some medicine for the pain." The nurse said, moving to his bedside and removing the iv, bandaging the small incision.

"What happened?" Darry asked.

"He didn't really say." Justin blinked up at Darry and the nurse left for the appropriate paper work. Justin sat up and rubbed his eyes. Darry noted stitches running across one of his cheekbones, another line dodged from his temple into his hairline and he was bruised and cut.

"What happened?" Darry asked, flinching at Justin's bare chest, lined with gashes and bruises, bound for fractures and his general disheveled appearance.

"Can we talk about it later?" Justin's clear eyes were hazy with pain medication and Darry sighed. They wouldn't have given Dally pain medication unless Dally was in a particularly bad mood and that would be for their sake, not his.

"I guess so." Darry pulled a sweatshirt around Justin's shoulders with a practiced gentleness and helped him walk to the truck.

Darry drove and noted that even on whatever pain medication they over dosed him on (that happened sometimes with smaller guys like Justin and Ponyboy) he kept to a tight personal space. He leaned on the door, dead asleep. Darry noted the blood stains on his jeans and the constant, weak shivering that crept through his thin clothing. If Darry wanted, he could ask Justin what happened now and he'd get a full, somewhat hazy but truthful answer. Darry didn't want a drug-induced answer. He wanted Justin to trust him enough to talk about it.

He wondered if he'd get an explanation whenever Justin was composed enough to speak. Someone would, eventually. Pony seemed close to the green-eyed boy. He was the only one who could tempt a sincere smile from Justin. That was a sight. Darry shook the thought from his head only to have it replaced by another. Justin laughed sometimes too. Two Bit and Soda proved that point on a few occasions. Soda brought genuine laughter and Two Bit made Justin blush; he'd usually cover his smile and give Two Bit a shocked look. Darry could understand the shocked look on Justin's part since Two Bit's humor boarded on ribald and obscure.

Steve had only succeeded in making Justin extremely uncomfortable a number of times. Darry shook his head. Steve didn't mean to push the younger boy away, it just happened. Justin took it well but didn't talk much anyway so it was hard to tell his feeling for Steve.

Darry wondered if anyone had ever told Justin about Johnny and Dally. He didn't talk about it, ever or he would be tempted to tell Justin. Not for emotional support, just so Justin wasn't completely unaware.

Darry wondered why everyone felt like they could confide in Justin. His gaze strayed to the boy as he slept and Darry blinked. He would guess it was his eyes. They implied trust without implicating Justin as naïve. Darry had never entertained the thought of Justin being naïve. He saw the signs of a poor home when Justin walked through the door. He wasn't as wary as Dally or as trapped as Johnny but it was still there. Darry hated having to compare Justin to his dead friends but it seemed to fit. Darry looked back to the road and stopped thinking.

When Darry pulled into the driveway, the porch lights remained off and Darry sighed. He walked over to Justin's side of the car and opened the door. Justin fell out onto him and Darry started, catching him at a haphazard angle. He didn't know why he was shying away from such a light burden and he fought to keep Justin from falling.

"Jesus, you are out cold kid."

Justin was out cold and showed no signs of waking even if Darry had dropped him. Darry chuckled and Justin slipped down, his thighs sliding down Darry's. Darry started and scolded himself, shivering at the touch. He didn't want to drop the injured teenager even if he wouldn't remember it tomorrow. He swung Justin into his arms and sighed in relief as the teen's head rested against his shoulders, eyes still shut. He didn't look any younger while he slept. It seemed only to hide his eyes. He looked pale in the darkness. Darry opened the door and was about to deposit Justin on the couch when he noted that Two Bit was already occupying said couch. Occupying the couch at a very haphazard angle. Darry rolled his eyes and noted Steve sleeping on the other couch. Their house was and always will be the head quarters.

Darry sat Justin down on his bed and carried the armchair into his room, yawning. He didn't work tomorrow but he could at least doze in the chair. Justin shifted and his eyes fluttered open. He readjusted his position so he could lie like a dead dog without impeding the blood flow from any of his limbs and yawned.

"Where am I?" Darry blinked. Justin had never been in his room; he'd barely even stood in the doorway. When he did, he looked very uncomfortable.

"My room. Steve and Two Bit are sleeping off a party on the couches." Darry said.

"Where are you going to sleep?" Justin asked, yawning and looking around.

"I have an arm chair, I'm keeping an eye on you." Darry said.

"You're too nice to me." Justin smiled and fluttered his eyelids and Darry wondered if loopy was an improvement on Justin's introverted personality.

"Someone has to treat you decent." Darry said, eyeing the boy.

"Don't worry about me." Justin waved a hand at Darry, as if brushing aside a fly.

"If this is you on pain killers, I'd hate to see you drunk." Darry said.

"It could only be good for you. I'm already laughing at the funny things you aren't saying." Justin said. He was giggling and smiling a lot.

"You should try to sleep. It looks like you're in bad shape." Darry said.

"I'll be fine. Can't keep me down." Darry poked Justin's rib and he started.

"Take it easy for a while, Short stuff." Darry said.

"I'm not short." Justin said.

"How tall are you then?" Darry asked, smiling.

"I'm sure everyone seems short from atop of your muscle bound head Mr. Universe." Justin muttered.

"Go to sleep before you get any loopier." Darry shook his head, laughing.

"Don't like loopy? I'd be the life of the party."

"I don't think they throw parties at the emergency room." Darry said.

"All right, all right. Consider me asleep. Jesus, you're like a mother hen." Justin said.

"A tall muscle bound mother hen?" Darry asked, chuckling.

"You can't hold that comment against me." Justin said.

"That'll haunt you for a while." Darry said.

"No fair." Justin pouted and Darry silenced his thoughts involving Justin's attempt at sulking.

"Sleep." Darry pulled a blanket over Justin's shoulders and squeezed his shoulder.

"I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping." Justin smiled and closed his eyes, curling slightly into the blanket. Darry shook his head. No matter what drug was in his system, his sulk looked more like a come on.

_Author: I'm glad I caught some interest... where is it going? You guys can suggest things and I'll listen, might even write a chapter just cause someone asked me to. Hehe. I've got someone rooting for Ponyboy and Justin. Hehe._

**Once again, I'm just rewriting this ficcie for posterity's sake. Enjoy. **


	4. Painkillers

_Edited/rewritten in October 2006. Read, enjoy, and review if you haven't read before._

_Will contain slash (boy hearts boy) so if you don't like, you can read, but you mustn't flame because I've warned you. _

Darry had fallen asleep with his arms on the bed, his head resting on his hands. He woke with Justin curled around him. The zip up sweatshirt wasn't zipped and Darry's eyes widened. He'd never noticed how built Justin was. He pushed himself up and yawned. Justin's wiry arms cushioned his delicately lined face and Darry smiled. He looked better just for having slept eight hours. Justin stirred awake and squinted as morning light slid through the curtains. Justin groaned.

"You know it's a good day when you don't know where you wake up." Justin rolled to the floor and stayed down for a minute on the opposite side.

"You okay?"

"I didn't mean to do that." Justin said. Darry walked to the other side and picked Justin up, replacing him in the bed.

"I'm going to make breakfast, you just take it easy." Darry said.

"All right. Jeez, next thing you'll tell me not to drink and drive." Justin muttered. Darry narrowed his eyes at Justin.

"Still a little juiced up?" Darry asked.

"Yes." Justin said, pulling the blanket over his head.

Justin wandered out a while later, yawning. He needed a shower and clothes. His jeans had blood streaks and the sweatshirt was Darry's size. Pony sat on the couch and looked up.

"Good morning sleepy head." Pony glanced at him and winced. "Get in a fight?"

"More or less." Pony noted that Justin looked like standing was causing him pain. He seemed hazy too. Steve came wandering in from the kitchen, the Curtis hangover cure in his hand. It was an unknown mixture of random common ingredients that only Darry had a command of. That was a safeguard to ensure Darry knew who was hung over (and had been drinking the before) and when. He circled Justin with a calculating stare and whistled.

"Good morning my sleeping beauty."

"Good morning my beast." Justin rolled his eyes. Steve sat on the couch and stared up at Justin.

"Come sit down." Steve patted his lap in an unattractive "seductive" manner and chuckled. He expected Justin to play along. He was a strange boy when he was hung over.

"I don't think I like that." Justin said, smiling. Two Bit came up behind him and pitched him into Steve's lap. Steve wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled.

"So what all happened to you? Have a rough night."

"Looks like he's having a rough morning." Soda said, sitting on the couch beside Steve, ignoring Justin in his lap. If Justin wanted to escape, he'd either have to get up from Steve's lap or switch to Soda's. Steve's grip was making him squirm. Steve thought they were playing but Justin had a genuine reason to dislike his predicament. He didn't like being manhandled and he didn't like when Steve treated him like another little high schooler to mess around with.

"Steve, let me up." Justin said, his green eyes not so hazy anymore.

"Come on Steve. He's done playing." Pony said.

"Aww come on. Make yourself comfortable and tell us your story." Steve said. Justin narrowed his eyes and Pony recognized anger long before anyone else did.

"I got in a fight. Big deal. Little guys make easy targets and so on, let me go." Justin said.

"You usually aren't this touchy and that doesn't sound like a full story." Steve said, gripping him tighter.

"Let me go now." Justin said. Everyone looked at him as Steve released him without another word. No one had ever heard that tone from Justin. Justin was soft spoken and his voice didn't have a hard edge. It was almost like Dally had just muttered a command through his clenched teeth.

"Touchy." Steve said.

"I wasn't going to patronize you by saying I didn't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it with you." Justin said.

"Oh?" Steve said.

"Yes oh. That was an explanation enough for you." Justin said. Pony knew he was flaming now.

"Really? I don't think I'm the only reason you're angry now." Steve stood up looked at Justin. They were about the same height but Justin was thinner and angrier. Pony wouldn't want to see Steve if a fight broke out.

"You're very correct. People like you are what really irritate me." Justin said.

"People like me? Are you assuming to know something about me?" Steve said.

"I know enough from your actions. You only pretend to care about me so you can push me around because you think you have the power to, or maybe the right to. Here's a bit of information for you Steve, you can't push me around and if you try I won't hesitate to sincerely hurt you. I have a spine."

"Sincerely hurt me? Is that what you did to whoever hurt you last night? Was that before or after a trip to the ER? Did Darry do the sincere hurting for you?" Steve laughed.

"I don't need my friends to do my dirty work for me." Justin hissed.

"You consider me dirty work?"

"I consider cowards dirty work." Justin spat.

"Cowards? I'm a coward now?" Steve said.

"Yes. You're hiding behind a very thin friendship so you can push me around because it makes you feel big." Justin said. Pony and Soda exchanged glances. He was right. Steve was always too rough with Justin and Justin hadn't said anything to a point. It wasn't friendly with Steve and Justin. Justin sensed hostility and decided it was time to stop it. Pony wondered what exactly happened to Justin to make him set Steve straight.

"If I wanted to push you around, I wouldn't need to hide behind a friendship." Steve said.

"Well then why the hell did you even try?" Justin asked.

"I don't want to push you around kid." Steve said, blinking and turning away.

"Well then act like it you God damned moron. You can tell when someone isn't up for your quality shit." Justin trembled and headed for the door. God he needed a real home.

"Justin, where are you going?" Darry grabbed his wrist and he yelped. Darry hadn't noticed the stitches on his wrists last night. He noticed now but didn't say anything, he just dropped Justin's wrist, giving him a very shaken look.

"For a walk."

"I don't think you should be going for a walk alone-"

"I'll tag along." Soda bounded along and Darry blinked at Justin who didn't meet his eyes.

Justin didn't end up walking far. He was hurt worse than he thought. He collapsed on a bench, puling his knees to his chin, arms wrapping around his legs. Soda plopped next to him and looked at him.

"You've been through a lot, haven't you?" Soda asked.

"Everyone has a past." Justin said. He buried his face in his knees, trembling. Soda wondered if he was crying. There must've been another reason for him to flip out at Steve. Steve had an interesting personality that could rub people the wrong way but it usually only bothered a friend when they had past experiences with some one like Steve.

"Yeah." Soda said, blinking at him. Justin looked up and Soda was started and relieved by the absence of tears.

"What happened to Johnny and Dally?" Justin asked.

"Pony didn't tell you?" Soda said, guarding his true response.

"A general idea." Justin didn't need to explain Pony's general idea; Soda knew it would've been simple. Their friends died. It was hard.

"Why are you asking me?" Soda asked.

"If I ask you, I won't have to ask anyone else." Justin said. He didn't need to explain that Soda was a lot like reading something in the third person; he would understand how everyone else felt but to understand what Soda felt he would have to pay very close attention.

"Bad things happened." Soda said, looking away from Justin. Justin turned his gaze down to the ground.

"A very Pony like response. Did I ask a taboo question?" Justin asked.

"No. I just don't think about it anymore." Soda said.

"Why not?" Justin asked.

"It always hurts. I can remember them so well it seems like they should still be here. When you realize they aren't, it hurts. Sometimes it's better not to think about them." Soda said.

"But you still remember them?" Justin said.

"Yes. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I forgot. But I can't remember them without knowing they're gone and that nothing can change it." Soda said.

"That must hurt." Justin said.

"Yes, but sometimes I forget. I remember them so well I can almost convince myself that they're still around, that I'll see them soon. Then it's like you wake up and realize that you are completely wrong." Soda shook his head. "Never mind. I'm not making any sense."

"No, I understand you Soda. You miss them so much it's almost like they should still be here, like they should be with you, even though they haven't been with you for a long while." Justin said.

"Yeah." Soda swallowed and Justin shivered. It was too cold to wander outside in a baggy sweatshirt.

"Is it worth being able to remember them?" Justin asked.

"Of course. I would rather be able to think of them as living even if they're dead than just always thinking of them as dead." Soda blinked away tears.

"I'm sorry for you Soda." Justin said, touching his knee for a split second. Soda appreciated the gesture since Justin didn't touch anyone willingly.

"Have you ever lost someone Justin?" Soda asked.

"I've lost a lot of people but I wish I didn't remember them." Justin said. He got up, rubbing his arms. "It's cold out. We should head back."

"What are you going to say to Steve?" Soda asked, getting up.

"Does it matter?" Justin said.

"Yes." Soda said.

"He isn't going to change the way he acts around me. If I want to change the situation, I have to act differently. That's how people like Steve work with people like me." Justin said.

"What do you mean by that?" Soda asked.

"People like me can bring out very unfortunate personality traits in people that are otherwise decent until they're aren't decent anymore." Justin said.

"That's not true. Steve is struggling because of everything that's happening, you didn't provoke anything." Soda said.

"Yes I did. Steve isn't the first person that this has happened to. Steve will probably be strong enough to change the way he deals with people since he has friends like you." Justin said.

"What do you mean? What other people?" Soda said.

"Everyone has a past." Justin shrugged and Soda blinked.

"You aren't usually this cryptic." Soda said.

"I'm not usually this juiced up or pissed off." Justin shrugged his shoulders. "Actually, a more accurate description would be that I'm coming down from the pain killers rather unpleasantly."

_Next chappie should be out soon. In the mean time, you know what to do. I'm hearing mixed reviews for couples but everyone wants Justin to get some loving. Hehe. You reviewers roc my socs._

_Luvs, the crazy one who needs to be medicated._

**Edited/rewritten a touch, you know the deal. You peeps reading from the awards, you should review because it would validate my efforts and make me do a dance…**


	5. Tensions

_Edited/revamped in October 2006 because it needed it and for you peeps considering voting for it… Please? _

_Contains slash (boy hearts boy) so please don't flame if you don't like it, I warned you… _

Steve looked around him with uncertainty. The gang wasn't letting this slip and fade into things they didn't talk about.

"What is up with him?" Darry blinked and held his tongue until he found suitable words to articulate what a dumb ass Steve was.

"You shouldn't ever treat a guy like that." Two Bit said, blinking.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"You were tossing him around and you know he doesn't like that kinda stuff." Two Bit said, shrugging his shoulders.

"He knows I was joking." Steve said.

"You never joke with anyone else like that." Pony said.

"You know him, what makes him take something like that the wrong way?" Steve asked, turning his gaze to Pony.

"Anyone could take that the wrong way." Pony said.

"Even a Greaser? He knows better than that-"

"Justin isn't a Greaser." Darry stepped closer to Steve, restraining his voice. That was more frightening than his yelling since it meant he was working very hard not to yell. "He's Justin. He's our friend. He has his own reasons to take that kind of treatment poorly. And you have your own reasons to treat him better. Is that understood?" Darry growled. Steve nodded and rubbed the back of his neck as Darry's fists remained clenched.

"What are his reasons?" Steve asked.

"I'm not sure." Darry said.

"You must have an idea if you're getting so miffed." Steve said.

"In case you haven't noticed, our boy doesn't talk much about his reasons." Two Bit said.

"Why? If it bothers him so much, why wouldn't he talk about?" Steve asked.

"It doesn't bother him unless some knuckle head like you does something wood headed." Darry said.

"Wood headed?" Steve raised an eyebrow. Darry tapped his forehead with his knuckle, as if knocking on a door.

"Wood headed, nobodies home where ever you make decisions." Darry said.

"That would explain a few things." Two Bit said.

"Oh stuff it Two Bit. How the hell was I supposed to know if the kid has issues?" Steve asked.

"Stop pretending that you didn't do something wrong. You made him very angry. It doesn't matter how or why, you should know better than to behave that way. You're trying to convince us that you were treating him like you'd treat one of us, but I've never seen you screw with Pony like that." Darry said.

"Yeah well if I did you'd be on my ass about it and I didn't think you would bother defending Justin." Steve said.

"Why wouldn't I?" Darry said.

"You never cared before." Pony and Two Bit exchanged looks and blinked.

"Compared to you?" Darry asked.

"He never liked me. You never gave him a chance." Steve said.

"What are you talking about? I brought him home from the hospital-"

"And before that you just glared at him. He's unhappy with me but he's terrified of you."

"Get out."

_Ooooo, like the tension? Or not. Whatever. Yesh, I understand the Darry/Justin pairing is a common desire. Perhaps. Ratings prolly gonna go up soon. Soon we figure out what happened to Justin and perhaps another hot family member of his will show up and lend explanation to his, issues. Did I mention his family member will be insanely gorgeous? Oh, and Justin's hair, dyed. Hehe._

_**Yup, it's re-edited baby… Leave me a review if you so desire**._


	6. Love, a Suggestive Title with no Payout

_Edited and rewritten in October 2006… If you're this far, you understand the concept…_

_Slash (boy hearts boy) is a part of this fanfic… You've been warned._

Darry drove to find Soda and Justin and found them sitting on a curb a few blocks from the house. Soda was lighting a cigarette and handed it to Justin. Darry had never seen Justin smoke; it only added to the strange beauty he possessed. It added to it without making him seem gritty. He always seemed clean, pristine, and almost pure. Something dark lingered in him. Pain marked him.

"Hey Darry." Soda said as Darry reached across the truck, unlocking the door.

"Hey Soda, Justin. Are you ready to go home?" Darry asked.

"No." Justin said. Darry and Soda exchanged glances and Darry got out. Soda took the keys and started the truck, heading for home. Darry sat next to Justin. Justin trembled in the cold and Darry sighed, putting his jacket around Justin. Justin took a drag from the cigarette and stifled a cough. Darry chuckled. He'd never seen Justin smoke because Justin didn't smoke.

"I meant our home." Darry said. Justin blinked.

"You want me in your house?" Justin asked.

"I don't want you where ever you've been living." Darry touched a line of stitches on his face and Justin flinched.

"You have a point. I kind of over reacted at Steve, didn't I?" Justin asked.

"No. I wouldn't have taken that kind of treatment from Steve." Darry said.

"But you're Darry. I'm, little." Justin said.

"Doesn't make a difference." Darry said. Justin wasn't just the little guy. Justin was the one who got Soda to talk about how he felt without making Soda feel guilty. He was the one who got Pony to talk at all. He talked to Two Bit about the things Two Bit said that no one else really understood. Steve was the only one to pull him around and treat him like a sack of hay.

"What am I supposed to do then?" Justin said.

"Be yourself." Darry said. Darry realized Justin changed for everyone. He always listened but he was different with everyone. Darry wondered if he knew who he was. Maybe that was why he was so quiet when they were all around. He didn't know who to please and who to disappoint.

"That's very original Darrel." Justin said, smiling. "And I can tell that wasn't what you were thinking." Justus got up, stretching and the cigarette shifted in his lips, bobbing.

"Oh, what are you a mind reader all the sudden?" Darry asked as he walked beside Justin.

"Doesn't take a mind reader to interpret that expression." Justin said.

"I was just thinking about something." Darry said.

"I would never have guessed." Justin said, smiling. "What were you thinking about?"

"I never really talk to you, do I?" Darry asked.

"Do you really think in questions Darrel?" Justin asked, his grin widening and his eyes glinting in the morning sun.

"It's a complicated thought process. Don't dodge the question Justin." Darry said, smiling to keep the lighter mood despite a serious conversation topic.

"Not very often and not for any length of time. Why does it matter?" Justin asked.

"I dunno. Everyone else talks to you a lot but most of the time when I see you you're with everyone else and we don't talk much." Darry said.

"I didn't think we needed to. I understand you enough to know I can count on you. Anything beyond that has to be you wanting to get to know me." Justin said.

"Is that why you called me?" Darry asked.

"I called you because I trust you more than anyone else I know. I can trust you because you're responsible and the closest thing to an adult as I'm comfortable with in my life." Justin said.

"Kinda like I'm your brother?" Darry asked.

"No." Justin's intense reply and sudden silence, eyes widened in remembrance, made Darry wonder if he touched a nerve.

"I didn't know you had a brother." Darry said.

"It's not something I usually talk about." Darry noticed how tense Justin seemed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Darry asked. Justin shook his head. "Tell me. Please." Darry said. He wanted to deserve the trust Justin had in him.

"I don't know where to start." Justin said. Darry stopped him from walking and they sat down on the curb again. Darry noted that he ground the cigarette under his heel and ran his hands through his hair, very shaken.

"You haven't thought about it in a while." Darry said.

"How can you tell?" Justin laughed, just as shaken by Darry's response.

"I get the same way sometimes." Darry said.

"When someone talks about Johnny and Dally?" Justin asked.

"Yeah." Darry said.

"I don't think I'll ever know how much that hurt." Justin said, looking at Darry.

"You lost your entire family." Darry said.

"They're alive." Justin said.

"I figured that but they're no good to you now." Darry said.

"You're right." Justin said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Tell me about them." Darry said. Justin met Darry's eyes for a moment and looked away.

"All right. My parents weren't ready for children and there should've been a law preventing them from reproducing, especially after my brother. I don't know why they bothered with two kids." Justin stopped, trembling and shifting, his eyes glistening.

"It's okay Justin. They aren't here now." Darry pulled him closer without resistance and Justin leaned on his shoulder. Justin had always felt torn up inside but he was waiting for someone to lean on.

"My brother is your age. He got the brunt of the physical pain from our parents. That's probably why he's so messed up now." Justin fidgeted in Darry's grip and Darry pulled him closer, feeling his need for someone he trusted to hold him.

"Did he protect you?"

"No. He was more of a target than I was but he never protected me. He turned his aggression and other emotions on me." Justin said.

"What do you mean?" Darry asked.

"I mean his mood swings make this damage seem mild. It's not just that, after I left, it's like people can tell I was abused. It attracts the kind of people that want to hurt me." Justin said. "I don't know how or why but it does."

"Does this have to do with last night?" Darry asked.

"Yes. My God damned landlord ran out of porn movies and wanted to try something on me." Justin scoffed to rebuff tears. Darry remembered Justin's wrist and wondered whether that was an intentional injury.

"What did you do?" Darry asked.

"What do you think? I fought him and got my ass kicked when he had someone bigger than me fight for him." Justin said, pulling away and putting his head in his hands.

"What happened?" Darry asked.

"What do you think? I was placed in a real life, low budget porn which ended when I tried to off myself." Justin spat.

"How did you get to the emergency room?" Darry asked.

"I'm assuming he called it in." Justin said, trying not to cry.

"Why?" Darry asked.

"Why do you think Darry? I'm the kind of person that people enjoy screwing with. I attract the kind of people that want to hurt me and keep hurting me." Justin said.

"That's not true Justin." Darry said.

"What isn't true? What kind of people did I end up with as a family? And here? I'm damn lucky I ended up with your family." Justin said. Darry understood why Justin had been so angry with Steve. He was terrified Steve was just another person who would hurt him.

"People see what a nice person you are, and nice people can be taken advantage of by the wrong kind of people. There isn't anything wrong with that." Darry said.

"I'm not a nice person Darry." Justin said.

"Then how did you end up here with people that genuinely care for you?" Darry asked. Justin looked at Darry and blinked.

"Luck?" Justin said.

"You deserve to be with people who love you Justin." Darry said. Justin wiped his tears away and Darry released him.

"Thank you counselor Curtis, I'm ready to go home now." Justin got up and turned his back to Darry. Darry blinked at his tense posture, legs spread and arms crossed, his shoulders drawn tight.

"It isn't your fault people have hurt you Justin." Darry said.

"I know. It's my fault that I can't ever stop it."

_It's a little bitter on Justin's side but I'm trying to tell you all why he's so crazy and high strung and why he hasn't chosen a lovey buddy. I'm still deciding... I am a tease but it's kinda fun. I should warn you, next chapter is some serious fluff. Like, hard core fluff. I'm taking couple suggestions but I will say many peeps kinda hit on Justin since he's a little less wired now, maybe calming down maybe not. Thanks to you reviewers, you make me laugh and smile, no crying though, that's good. More hot brother mentioning too since it's an obvious problem... Leave me some luvin' or hatin' and couples suggetin'. I'ma go take my allergy medicine and study espanol. Luvs til next time._

_**It's been edited since first edition but most of it remained surprisingly intact…**_


	7. Special

_Edited and revamped October 2006… Left original author notes in for cute factor. Btw, slash (boy hearts boy) is becoming a plot focus so ah, you're warned._

_I lied about the next chapter being fluff, try the next two... It was gonna be one, but it was too long. Enjoy. Oh, I also have a much shorter alternate, open ending type version of this story. If you want it, you can leave your email address and I'll get on it. Umm, if you rooted for Darry/Justin you'd like it, otherwise it's just kinda a short, fluffy cop out. Heh... By the way, I don't own anything... Yesh, took me seven chapters to tell you all... Hope I didn't surprise anyone..._

Darry watched Justin and noted that his hands went to his face, rubbing his eyes as his posture remained tense. Darry wondered if Justin would ever let someone pull his tense, over wrought frame close to comfort him.

"Are you ready to go back?" Darry asked.

"Yes." Justin kept his same stance as Darry got up. Darry blinked at Justin and sighed, restraining his instinct to pull Justin close and sooth him. He doubted Justin appreciating the gesture.

"Steve left." Darry said as they walked.

"You shouldn't be angry with him on my account Darry." Justin said.

"I'd be angry if he treated anyone like that." Darry said.

"No you wouldn't. You'd be angry if he treated one of your brothers like that. You've known him longer than me. Why did you take my side?" Justin asked.

"You were right." Darry said.

"That usually doesn't matter. You stand by your friends." Justin said.

"Not always." Darry said.

"You always do. You're very loyal. Even I know it. You could've done everything in your life differently if you weren't. Why are you loyal to me?" Justin said.

"You deserve it." Darry said.

"And Steve doesn't?" Justin asked.

"You're worth being loyal to Justin." Darry flushed at his confession but Justin blinked.

"You really think so?" Justin furrowed his brow. Darry rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at him.

"I wouldn't have said it otherwise." Darry said.

"I'm not sure what that means but thank you, at any rate." Justin said.

"I figured you needed someone if your family doesn't care about you." Darry said.

"You're right. I get the feeling I don't know who I need."

(la la la blank space type thingy)

Justin spent most of the day sleeping on the couch, ignoring the general commotion of the Curtis house. He didn't care if Steve came back or not. Two Bit came around and Justin moved to make room for him. He rested his head against Two Bit's leg and Two Bit ruffled his hair.

"So I guess you're a permanent Curtis brothers' adoptee?" Two Bit asked.

"Yeah." Justin said.

"Not a bad idea. You're safe here and you can always crash at my house too. Messy but it's still a roof. Where is your truck?" Two Bit asked.

"It's still at my old place."

"With all your stuff?" Two Bit asked.

"Yeah." Justin said.

"Why don't you change and we'll see what we can do about it?" Two Bit's smile was caring but a vicious glint reassured he would inflict pain on anyone who so much as looked at Justin wrong. He may be goofy old Two Bit but he didn't like seeing his friends in pain. Two Bit saw the pain Justin was in to walk around and sighed. He'd put a dent in whoever did it if given half a chance, goofy old Two Bit or not.

Justin knocked on Pony's door to get some clean clothes. Pony was the closest size and he just needed temporary clothes. Pony always wore his clothes too big anyway, so it would be a stretch.

"How are you feeling?" Pony let him in without hesitation.

"Well rested. I need some clothes." Pony glanced at the blood on his jeans and the over sized sweatshirt, still unzipped.

"Is that Darry's?" Pony asked.

"I think." Justin said, wincing. He was a little more appearance focused then the other boys. He needed to be. It was bad when he didn't know whose clothes he was in.

"Must've been one hell of a night. Sit down and I'll see what I can find."

"I don't need anything special, just some jeans and a shirt. Two Bit offered to come with me to retrieve my clothes but I'd hate to wander around in public looking like I escaped the morgue." Justin said.

"You don't look bad. Your face isn't swollen or anything and those stitches just make you look more, tuff." Pony said, his appraising glance making Justin flush.

"I don't know if that's a reputation I can uphold." Justin said.

"That's what Two Bit and Darry are for." Pony said, smiling.

Pony turned to his dresser. Justin knew he'd probably be digging up the tightest, darkest jeans for Justin. Justin didn't wear clothes tight because everyone wondered if they made jeans that could hug Justin's frame. He wasn't stick skinny though. Pony noted even when he was completely relaxed (he also noted that Justin was completely relaxed, half asleep on Pony's bed) his muscles were definable. His wiry arms boasted a few bruises and the sweatshirt left his washboard chest exposed. He wasn't over done because he couldn't be over done being so skinny. Pony shook his head in an effort to rid his mind of those types of thoughts.

"That's a good way to see it." Justin said. Pony pulled out some dark gray jeans and a thin, white tee shirt.

"Try these on. Someone will have a belt if you need one too." Pony said. Pony turned to give him some privacy but had already noticed his black boxers. He'd said he wouldn't be caught dead in anything else in case he got pantsed. Pony wondered if he'd learned the hard way.

"Thanks Pony." Justin zipped his jeans just as Pony turned.

"They fit?" Pony asked.

"Yeah. I should grow into this size anyway. The next size smaller is a little too revealing." Justin winked at Pony and chuckled. "Not that I have anything to reveal. I should just drink more soda and eat more chocolate, get a nice pad going on my ass. Hurt less when I fall on it." Justin laughed at himself as Pony laughed.

"I've never heard you say anything like that." Pony said.

"I guess I'm winding down a little." Justin said, sitting on the bed again. Pony noted how well the jeans fit, only tight in the right places. The white shirt was very tight. (Author's note: pant and drooool times nine. I couldn't resist.)

"Want me to come with you and Two Bit?" Pony asked.

"Yeah. I need all the help I can get. I was going to ask anyway. You're usually real calm."

"What?" Pony asked.

"You're always calm enough to make sure I don't do something crazy or stupid or both." Justin said, smiling.

"Yeah." Pony said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thanks for the comment about the stitches. I'm glad it isn't detrimental to the flaming handsomeness rolling off me in waves." Justin smiled and Pony burst into laughter. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Two Bit stuck his head in the door and blinked at Pony stifling his laughter in a pillow.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, Pony's gonna come too." Justin said.

"So is Soda. Gonna be a tight ride."

Tight was an understatement. Justin noted it would've been more comfortable in the borrowed truck if Justin was perched on Two Bit's lap while he drove. Justin didn't mind as much as he would've a few days earlier. He learned who he could trust.

He learned whose driving skills he couldn't trust as he gripped Soda's knee and kept himself from screaming. Pony was just as terrified but Soda and Two Bit were having a good time. Justin found Pony's hands on his arm and buried his face in Pony's thin shoulder.

Pony felt Justin's angled face buried in his shoulder and kept his grip on the boy's arm. He shouldn't let himself get so worked up since Two Bit wasn't really gonna get them in an accident but he knew he could get worked up and be safe with Soda, Two Bit and Justin. Justin was scared too but he had reason to be. Whatever happened the last night had shaken Justin to the core.

"Ya'll just can't take a good ride." Two Bit said, getting out of the truck after Justin pointed a shaky finger at the house.

"Ready?" Soda asked. Pony and Justin were drawn out and pale.

"Give us a minute. That was worse than usual." Pony said.

"Well Justin hasn't ridden with me before. Had to give an impressive show of my skill." Two Bit said.

"I don't think giving teenagers panic attacks is a reputable skill Two Bit." Justin said, sighing. "But yes, there was some skill involved not to scream on my part. Damn, I'm driving myself on the way home."

"Can I come?" Pony asked.

"Yeah." Justin chuckled. "You're terrible Two Bit."

"I am."

Justin pushed himself from leaning on the truck and walked to the door. It was always open. He walked in and no one was home. He knew his landlord wasn't home because he was always in the front room. He went to his room and unlocked it. He was surprised when Two Bit was at his heels. Pony and Soda lingered in the front room.

Justin reached into his closet for an all too familiar duffel bag and Two Bit noticed Justin's shirttail inch up his back. He couldn't hold his exclamation.

"You have a tattoo?"

"Yes." Justin said, not registering the abhorrent shock in Two Bit's voice.

"But you're, Justin. How long have you had it?" Two Bit.

"A while." Justin said, hiding a smile. Always the quiet guys that could throw the loud, explosive ones in a loop.

"Why? What is it?" Two Bit was up and very close to Justin as he shook with laughter.

"You can't see it through the shirt." Justin pulled his shirttail up and Two Bit blinked.

"It's, pretty." Two Bit seemed confused and Justin laughed as he fingered the design.

"You sound shocked." Justin said.

"Well yeah, if you were ever to get a tattoo, I thought it's be something, tuff. Not," Two Bit couldn't find the word.

"Not a flower?" Justin said, resigned to Two Bit's two-handed grip on his sides as he stared.

"Well, no. It's interesting though." It was a black rose but every line was distinguishable, black highlighting against black.

"Yeah. I try." Justin said.

Two Bit sat on Justin's bed as he tossed clothes into the duffel bag. Two Bit attempted to help by folding clothes but he realized Justin wasn't folding clothes. He stopped at a strange article of clothing. Two Bit looked again. Black. Smaller than the jeans already tossed into the bag. Leather. Two Bit spent a few shocked moments watching Justin, wondering if he could sport such leg wear.

"Are these yours?" Two Bit held them up.

"Yes." Justin said.

"Really?" Two Bit said.

"Yes." Justin said.

"I can't see you wearing them." Two Bit said.

"People pay to." Justin smiled as his back faced Two Bit.

"What?"

"I work at a bar. Those are for the days when I need good tip money." Justin said.

"I never pegged you as a," Two Bit didn't have a word for it. Justin supplied it.

"Tip solicitor? I don't have to solicit. I'm very popular at my workplace." Justin said.

Justin was quiet as he finished packing and walked to the front room. He thought a moment and sighed.

"I think that's it." Justin said. He started as the front door slammed open and his landlord appeared. The middle-aged man was named Arnie. Justin's stance changed from calm to furious in a heartbeat.

"Hello babe. Came crawling back?"

Arnie didn't appear to understand how much pain Justin wanted to inflict on him and if he had an idea, he wasn't threatened.

"Can't say I'm surprised or disappointed. You make a good fuck."

Everyone flinched at that comment and something in Justin snapped. It snapped hard and permanently.

No one had ever seen Justin resort to violence and no one really wanted to see it again. Or hear it rather. Everyone's eyes snapped shut the instant his fist initiated the punch. They heard the ominous crack of the impact on the man's jaw and dared glance as he leaned on the wall, holding said jaw and looking damn startled.

"Anything else you want off your chest?" Justin's eyes would've made Satan flinch and stare at his feet (or cloven hooves).

"I have something you might want." Arnie dug in his pocket and held Justin's keys. Justin blinked. "I might be persuaded to hand them over for something I want."

Arnie licked his lips and Justin blinked. Two Bit, Soda and Pony exchanged glances and averted their gaze as another sickening thud sounded. Justin shook his hand and held out the other for the keys. Arnie was now holding his nose and dropped the keys into his hand.

"One last thing." Arnie said, still holding his now bleeding nose.

"You're a slow learner." Two Bit muttered, noting that Justin clenched his fist. (Soda might've made a comment about Two Bit calling someone else a slow learner, but he refrained.)

"Your family came here, looking for ya." Arnie said.

"Who was it?" Justin said, cracking his knuckles. He looked like he was still considering going all out and pounding Arnie until he met his twisted maker.

"Said he was your brother. Had blonde hair and weird eyes. Like a God damned demon." Pony had noticed that Justin's hair was growing out and it wasn't black at the roots.

"Anything else?" Justin said. Arnie was watching his words.

"Said your parents wanted you back." Arnie said.

"If I ever see you again, you had better pray there are possible eye witnesses."

Justin got in his truck and Pony got in next to him. He seemed less inclined to violence now but he was still seething and upset. It looked like he might've hurt his fingers smacking his landlord around but Pony wasn't going to be the one to suggest icing them.

"Sorry if I scared you." Justin said.

"I wasn't scared. I'd rather have you hitting someone than someone hurting you." Pony said.

"I figured as much." Justin said, a very faint smile playing on his lips.

"I've never seen anyone hit like that." Pony said, blinking. Justin was a lot like Darry in that respect. He put his entire frame behind a hit but Pony had never seen Darry let go of limits or get so much velocity behind his hits. It was almost like Justin jumped into the hit.

"I seldom fist fight but I know I can win when I do. People never expect a little guy to know how to fight well." Justin said.

"Are you okay?" Pony asked.

"I guess. It makes me very nervous that my family is looking for me." Justin said.

"Do you think they'll keep looking for you?" Pony asked.

"I don't know. My brother will but he wouldn't be looking for me because my parents want me back."

"You can always just pound him like you did Arnie." Pony said.

"My brother isn't really the kind who would condescend to fistfight." Justin said.

"What did he mean when he said your brother was like a demon?" Pony asked.

"I don't know. My brother is a God damned soulless asshole, so that might've been it. One of his eyes is completely white, some kind of birth defect or some shit like that. That might've earned the reference." Justin said. Pony knew the entire conversation was shaking Justin and stopped asking questions.

Darry had left for work when they came home and Justin didn't bother changing. Pony asked if he wanted to sleep in his room and he ended up curled up in Pony's comforter. Soda and Two Bit hovered and Justin decided he'd better ensure them of his sanity.

"I have to work tonight. Anyone want to come? Free drinks." Justin asked. Two Bit had mentioned him working at a bar to Soda and Pony to determine if anyone knew.

"When do you work?" Two Bit asked.

"Midnight to four in the morning. We're the all night kind of establishment." Justin rolled his eyes.

"Darry would skin me." Pony said.

"I'll go." Two Bit said.

"I figured. Soda?" Justin asked.

"Naw. I should stay home and watch Pony." Soda said.

"Steve coming over?" Justin asked. Soda wasn't that hard to read.

"Yeah."

"Tell him I didn't mean to offend him or something along the lines." Justin said.

"He'll understand and you were right to yell at him." Soda said. It was clear he was relieved that Justin had dropped the argument. It would be a hard choice between him and Steve. Justin rested his head on the pillow and yawned.

"Is your hair dyed Justin?" Pony asked. Everyone stared at him.

"Why would he dye his hair?" Two Bit asked.

"Because I am not a good looking blonde." Justin said, chuckling. "Does that mean my roots are showing Pony?"

"A little."

"I'll get some dye." Justin said.

"How blonde are you naturally?" Soda asked, blinking.

"Tow headed as they come." Justin said.

"I would never see you as blonde." Pony said.

"I used to look a lot like my brother. This solved the problem. Although, it's a little embarrassing when you can't find the manly dye and end up getting one with some middle aged housewife on it, saying how her roots don't show for weeks." Justin said.

"You're a very strange kid Justin." Soda said, laughing.

"That's a good way to put it." Justin said, shutting his eyes. Pony leaned on him as he sat on the bed.

"You should sleep. You're still looking peeked from earlier." Two Bit said.

"Yeah yeah Darry, I'm sleeping." Justin muttered.

"Ah, you're not the only one to feel the scolding of Superman." Two Bit said.

"Why do you guys call him that anyway?" Justin asked.

"Can't see the similarities?" Two Bit asked. Justin blinked and held his tongue. Broad shoulders, well built with a slim waist, of course not. Darry didn't look like that at all. Justin rolled his eyes. And he certainly didn't wear tights.

"Better than calling him Superdope. I wouldn't do that if you value your life." Soda said.

"Steve gets away with it." Two Bit said.

"When Darry is in a good mood." Pony said.

"Not often then?" Justin said.

"Nope." Soda said, smiling.

"He just needs some lovin." Two Bit said.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend?" Justin asked.

"Would a girlfriend stick around when he's already got a family?" Pony asked.

"It would take someone special." Justin said.

"Don't think there's a girl special enough for Darry."

_Hi. It's been edited and rewritten a little. Leave me a review please._


	8. Topper

_Edited, rewritten and polished in October 2006. You know the drill._

_Contains slash, (boy hearts boy) and like I said a while back, I don't own and please don't flame._

Justin woke at eleven and blinked. Pony had woken him to ask if he minded sharing the bed. Justin chuckled still at the depth of chivalry required to ask someone if they minded him getting in his own bed. Pony had thrown an arm around him in his sleep and Justin moved around him to avoid waking him. Two Bit passed out on the couch earlier to reserve energy so he could get plastered at Justin's workplace with vigor. Justin chuckled as he got his clothes out. He changed in the bathroom and wondered if he'd take some heat for the stitches. He looked again, wincing. Well, Pony was right. It made him look more tuff. He wasn't sure if that would attract the kind of people he liked.

Two Bit followed Justin to his truck and the drive was filled with over excited questions about the bar. Justin answered them with patience and parked, motioning Two Bit to follow him. Two Bit stayed close as Justin entered the back door and led him to the bar. Justin let him out from behind the bar and he sat at a stool.

"What can I get you? Drinks are on the house." Justin said, smiling.

"Surprise me." Two Bit's grin invited trouble and Justin turned to make the drink.

"Hey Justin. I handled all the drinks for now, just check around in a few minutes for any refills." The bartender looked at Justin and turned him around, holding his face to look at the stitches. "How'd that happen?"

"Got in a rumble." Justin's smile was sweet and the bartender rolled his eyes.

"Be more careful. Another server should be coming in soon, must be running late. You're okay for a few minutes without any help?"

"Yeah." Justin said.

"All right. Take care of yourself kid."

"All right boss. Drive safe." Justin said, putting a parasol into Two Bit's drink. The man left and Two Bit's eyes widened.

"That's your boss?"

"Yes. Something wrong?" Justin handed him the cocktail glass.

"Dunno. I guess I picked this place as more of a rough and tumble bar, less of a high class, kinky bar." Two Bit said. Two Bit learned that word from Justin.

"It's quieter even if it is kinky. Music is better too. Classical and jazz singers. Has a nice ambiance." Justin smiled.

"And you still get tips by wearing leather?" Two Bit asked, downing the drink.

"More so here than any rough and tumble bar." Justin said, smiling.

"I suppose so. You fit in with the ambiance of a quiet bar. You're pretty classy for one of us." Two Bit said.

"Yeah but being one of you also earns me a little more credibility."

"Would you rather have class or credibility?" Two Bit asked.

"I'd rather be myself."

Justin had a good night as far as wages and tips went because the second server never showed up (he got overtime for that) and he was wearing his leather pants. Two Bit had an especially good night since Justin kept the drinks flowing and he had time to ask random questions to random people.

Justin left when the next shift came in and helped Two Bit out to his truck. He drove to Two Bit's house and helped Two Bit to his bedroom, cursing as his shin found every other piece of furniture. Two Bit flopped down, taking a startled Justin with him.

"Sorry little buddy. Can't quite function after so many cocktails. You really know how to make them." Two Bit slurred his words. Justin stayed down for a moment, feeling Two Bit's arm still slung around him. He was a dead weight and Justin's back gave out under the strain. Justin fidgeted on top of Two Bit.

"Not a problem. Are you going to be okay?" Justin asked.

"Yesh, I'll probably be back tomorrow for some hangover medicine." Two Bit laughed. "You can carry leather well, can't ya?"

"Yeah." Justin never really mentioned how uncomfortable drunk people made him. Didn't make sense to work in a bar and hate the way people acted when they drank. Then again, he didn't care if he didn't know them. He just reminded himself that drunken people said what they wouldn't normally say and most of the rambling had some significance. It didn't matter with strangers.

"Ya know Justin, you're all right." Two Bit's hand found his cheek and gave him a pinch. Justin flinched and blinked in the darkness. "I never thought we'd find another Greaser to hang around with. I was right, you ain't a Greaser." Justin knew drunken people kept the same grammar and blinked, Two Bit would've said that sober too. "You're just Justin."

"That's all I want to be." Justin said, very quiet.

"And that's all we want. Go on home and get some sleep. I know I need sleep." Two Bit leaned forward, pulling him closer by his neck and planting a sloppy kiss on his forehead. It was platonic and brotherly and Justin thanked God and everything holy. Two Bit would regret any non-platonic advances. Two Bit liked girls like that; he liked Justin as a brother, not like that. Justin chuckled as he used Two Bit's method of reasoning.

Justin groaned when he saw both Soda and Steve had passed out on the couches. Probably waiting for him to come home. It was almost six in the morning. The sun was rising. Justus groaned. Winter was irritating. It was cold. Justin took a few steps and realized his legs were about to give out. He collapsed on the armchair and sighed. He didn't even have energy to change out of the leather. He reconsidered as the pocket zipper jabbed him. He changed in the bathroom and walked back out. Soda and Steve would've stayed asleep if he hadn't found the coffee table with his shin (that was about the seventh article of furniture to meet his shin that night) and his muffled curse woke them.

"Hey Justin. You all right?" Soda asked.

"Yeah, that damn coffee table will be the end of me." Justin hopped over to the armchair and sat.

"How you doing buddy?" Steve said, rather hesitant.

"I'm all right." Justin rubbed his shin.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't treat a friend like that if they don't like it." Steve said.

"Thank you for apologizing. Forget it happened." Justin said. Soda let the tense moment of silence pass.

"Yeah, we're all buddies again." Soda hugged Justin's neck.

"So Justin, when are you going to take us to that bar you work at?" Steve's grin was priceless in the semi darkness.

"Don't you worry friend, you'll get your chance to get drunk the high society way." Justin said, smiling.

"I'm going to bed." Soda said, shaking his head and getting up. He headed for his room. Steve got up and retrieved two spare blankets and pillows.

"Thanks Steve." Justin said, yawning as he settled on the freed couch. Steve rested on the other couch and yawned.

"No problem." A yawn interrupted him. "So what can we call you for a nick name?"

"Do I really need one?"

"Yeah." Steve said.

"You don't have one." Justin said.

"I'll think of one just for you. How about Justy?" Steve asked.

"No." Justin said.

"I'll think of something."

(la la la a night and day pass)

Darry got out of his truck the next evening and groaned. It'd been a long day. He walked in the house and noted the pillow and blanket on the couch. Steve had spent the night. He'd seen him this morning. Justin hadn't left a thing in disorder in Darry's house. Darry rolled his eyes. What a cute kid. Darry looked around and noted the absence of his family. He found a note that said they were at the lot, playing. Darry blinked and wondered if they'd started drinking early.

He took a shower and decided to head out to the lot. He didn't usually just hang around with the gang when they stayed at their usual haunts. His usual excuse was he didn't have time. He learned what he needed to make time for.

Darry stopped and rolled his eyes at the rough and tumble game of football going on. Soda had Pony in a headlock, messing his hair and Steve was chasing Two Bit. He kept out of their sight to avoid being drafted and the ensuing argument over who got him last time and so on. Justin wasn't playing.

Darry stumbled over something and felt his shoe connect with something that yielded a startled yelp.

"Jesus, I didn't see you." Darry dropped next to Justin on the blanket he hadn't noticed (maybe he needed to pull his head out of wherever it was residing these days and mind his feet, like Soda had said). Justin looked tired and he clutched his side.

"Yeah, wasn't a good idea to sleep on the ground. It's all right Darry, I'm okay." Justin rested on his back to prove the point.

"It's a bit cold to sleep on the ground anyway." Darry smiled down at him as Justin propped himself up. Darry propped himself up on his elbow solely to look down at Justin. Justin smiled up at him, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, I would've woken up to beg a jacket off of someone, you just made it a startled awakening."

"I don't think anyone is wearing one. Jesus, you're all hoodlums." Darry muttered. He noted that the slim hoodlum laid out next to him had a tight tee shirt on. It crept up his mid drift, exposing the waistband of his pants and a millimeter of his marbled skin. Darry wondered why he made the comparison; marble was cold and unbending but Justin's skin was warm and forgiving. He hoped.

"Jacketless hoodlums." Justin corrected.

"Yeah. How are you feeling?" Darry asked.

"I'm very tired. And your boot wasn't a good edition to my side." Justin said. Darry had never seen Justin pout with a direct intention to get his attention. And it was a pout.

"I said I was sorry." Darry said.

"No you didn't." Justin said, fluttering his dark eyelashes as he resettled against the blanket, using his hands as a cushion for the back of his head. The motion caused his shirt to ease higher, more of his stomach rising to meet the occasion. And his hipbones.

"Well I am sorry." Darry ignored the part of his mind that commented how sorry he was to see another bruise wrought on Justin's frame. That portion of his mind wouldn't be ignored and proved its validity by his next comment. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

"I think it would be appropriate." Justin said. Darry pinned Justin's hands with his own and slid lower on Justin's frame, kissing the skin exposed near Justin's stomach.

"As I recall, you cracked me in the side." Justin said. Darry knew he'd be flushing.

"Hmm, clumsy over sight." Darry said, kissing the side of his ribs, pushing his shirt to get his clean skin not the cotton of his shirt.

"Other side." Justin said. Darry laughed and readjusted his position, ending the game with a raspberry planted at the indicated spot. The raspberry was to lighten the mood and to get a firmer taste of Justin. Justin laughed and Darry blinked up at him.

"Do I amuse you?" Darry asked.

"You gave me a raspberry. What am I, three?" Justin laughed and Darry wondered if he'd paid attention to Darry's precise aim for the previous healing kisses.

"That wasn't what I was implying." Darry was somewhere between purring and growling, very glad the make shift game of football had carried the gang further away. He wondered if Justin knew he'd picked a secluded spot. Justin would pick a secluded spot to avoid getting accidentally kicked, not in order to receive raspberries from Darry. (That was Darry's thought, at least.)

"What were you implying?" Justin asked. Darry eased himself down until he rested flat against Justin.

"I'm not sure." Justin met his gaze and looked away.

"When you are sure, we should talk." Justin said. Darry ran his fingers through Justin's hair even though it was clear Justin was done accepting raspberries.

"You look tired." Darry said.

"I didn't sleep much last night." Justin said.

"I can't see why, those couches are damn comfortable." Darry said, smiling.

"Yeah well, Steve snores and I had to work." Justin said, smiling. He was breathing heavier than usual because Darry was resting all of his weight on him. Darry wasn't petite. But it was worth it to have Darry pressed flush to Justin's frame, all of Darry.

"You have a job?" Darry asked.

"Yeah. I work the graveyard shift. That's why no one really notices." Justin said.

"Where do you work?" Darry asked.

"I don't want to invoke your parental instincts." Justin said, flushing. Darry wasn't sure what caused the flush. Shortage of air induced or otherwise, it was adorable.

"You won't invoke any parental instincts." Darry said.

"All right. I woke at a classy bar." Justin said. Darry recognized the phrasing from Two Bit's rambling about various drinking establishments but thought of it as an oxy moron. When you want to get drunk, you want to get drunk whether you're classy or not. Justin was right to worry about invoking parental instincts.

"What? Do they know how old you are?" Darry asked.

"I make a mean cocktail, martini or otherwise so they didn't really ask." Justin smiled.

"You're enjoying my reaction." Darry said.

"A little." Justin grinned.

"You are a hoodlum." Darry shook his head and chuckled as his hand rested on Justin's stomach. "Stop laughing."

"I can't help it. That shocked, scandalized expression is priceless. Besides, you're tickling me." Justin flushed again as Darry's hand lingered on his stomach.

"I'm not doing anything." Darry said, his smile and glinting eyes far from innocent.

"Lies." Justin caught Darry's other hand before it could reach Justin's stomach and smiled. Darry entwined their fingers.

"Yeah." Darry tickled Justin until he captured Darry's other hand.

"Ha, no hands left." Justin said, smiling at small victories.

"I don't need hands." Darry pinned Justin's hands down with his own and lowered himself, kissing Justin near the waistband of his pants. Darry looked up at him and noticed how relaxed he seemed.

"So what are you implying this time?" Justin asked. Darry pulled himself up, resting flat against Justin's frame again.

"I'm still not sure." Darry said, a smile lingering on his face.

"Well, when you're sure, we'll talk." Justin said with a very stoic, serene expression on his face.

"About what?" Darry said.

"About what you're sure about." Justin said.

"Can we talk now?" Darry asked. Justin nodded. "Do you really trust me?" Darry asked.

"I trust you enough to give me a raspberry, that should tell you something." Justin said. Darry couldn't tell if he was making light of the situation or being sincere. Maybe a combination.

"Really?" Darry asked.

"Yes. Touch means a lot of things and I know what it doesn't mean with you." Justin said.

"What doesn't it mean with me?" Darry asked.

"It doesn't mean you want to hurt me." Justin said.

"I never thought about it like that." Darry said.

"I have different experiences than you." Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"Like what?" Darry asked.

"Darry, I don't want to talk about it." Justin was very still under Darry.

"You said you trusted me." Darry said.

"I do but I'll hurt you." Justin said.

"What do you mean?" Darry asked.

"I can hurt you by telling you or I can hurt you by not telling you."

"How is that?" Darry asked.

"If you're hurt because I don't tell you that would imply you don't understand trust. If you were hurt by my past, that would imply you care way too much for me." He glanced at Darry with tired eyes, noting the proximity of Darry's lips and feeling Darry's breath mingle with his. "The question is, what kind of hurt do you want Darrel?" Justin said.

"Tell me." Darry said without hesitation. Justin bit his lip and averted his gaze.

"You may be ready to listen, but I'm not ready to talk."

"All right. I understand." Darry touched his face for a split second before letting his hand drop and wondering how that touch would've been perceived.

"I knew you would. Can I ask you a question after this interrogation that bordered on torture by raspberries?" Justin asked, grinning up at his would be captor.

"All right. Shoot." Darry said.

"Could you get off of me so I can remove the rock that's slowly impaling itself in my back?" Justin and Darry both laughed and Justin pushed Darry off, if only temporarily. He sat up and got the rock and it was a rather pointy rock.

"Nice." Darry shook his head.

"It's not my fault you're such a hulking mass of twitching muscles there, Superman." Justin said, chuckling.

"Well it's not my fault that you're a topper." Darry said. Justin started, mouth hung open. He flopped onto his back in laughter and Darry rolled his eyes. "I don't always say what I'm thinking-"

"And that was one of the rare instances that you did? I can see avoiding that." Justin held his ribs as he laughed.

"Hey guys." Pony said, walking up to them with some new grass stains on his jeans.

"What's wrong with Short stuff?" Steve said. His hair was in quite a state.

"That's not a nick name I'd use." Darry said, chuckling as the flush grew on his cheeks.

"He called me a topper damn it, I deserve to laugh my ass off."

_Ahh, Darry fluff is always fun. I guess you can tell where this is headed... Or can you? You tell me. Luvs to all my peeps, author personness._

_**Once again, it's been edited la la la. Leave me a review please.**_


	9. Love, For Real This Time

_**Edited in October 2006. Contains slash (boy hearts boy) in a couple forms, one non consensual and one consensual. Nuff said. Btw, this is the fifties, and it's fiction, so the boys don't use condoms. I don't recommend it but in the fanfiction world, there are no STDs, at least in my fanfic world… **_

_All right, here we go with the disclaimers. First part, minor fluff, very short, then we have very heated sibling argument, bad language and references to badness, then we have some major slash. Man lovin very yes... A small reference to rape, but mostly hard-core man loving. You have been warned. Thanks to Sarah for editing, you roc my socs. Luvs._

Justin rested on the couch late that night, resting his head against Darry's thigh. Darry fidgeted and stretched, touching his shoulder to get his attention.

"Move over a little."

"All right."

Justin didn't have to move because Darry moved him. Darry stretched out along the full length of the couch and draped Justin's frame over his. Justin rested his head on Darry's chest and yawned. Darry used the opportunity to wrap his arms around Justin's waist and pull him closer until Darry could rest his face on Justin's shoulder, nuzzling his neck. Justin didn't see Darry as the snuggling type but he enjoyed the gesture, platonic or otherwise. He hoped for otherwise but it was Darry. He didn't know what to expect.

It was late and everyone else was asleep. Justin and Darry had the next day off. Justin yawned and adjusted himself until he was comfortable, his face resting against Darry's chest.

Justin was asleep when Darry slid from under him, rubbing his eyes. Who the hell was at their door at this time of night? Darry looked at the clock, noting the placement of the baseball bat before he opened the door. The screen didn't help the fact that it was dark and the porch lights were out. Darry flipped them on and asked what the tall, thin man wanted. He reconsidered his age estimate when he really looked at the man. He looked about Darry's age.

"May I speak to Justin?" Darry looked at the blonde man's eyes and blinked. One of them was completely white or Darry wasn't getting nearly enough sleep.

"Who are you?" Darry asked, hoping he didn't sound as protective as he thought he did. He wouldn't mind the brotherly protective tone but he thought his feelings might bend his voice to the more ardent kind of protection. The kind of protection that involved being territorial, he's my dark haired Greaser, so back off.

"Robbie." The blonde man answered, turning his back to the door, looking at the stars. "It's a lovely night."

"Yeah, you usually only see the stars after midnight." Darry said, dropping a subtle hint that if he wasn't done talking to Justin after about three minutes, it would be his knee caps versus the baseball bat. Or maybe Darry would extend the extra effort and leave the baseball bat out of it. Darry shut the door and roused Justin with unaccustomed gentleness. He knew he could be gentle with Justin without changing anything Justin thought about him.

"Is something wrong?" Justin said, blinking his hazy eyes at Darry. Darry loved the hazy look they held when he was just waking up. He had a feeling they would be back to their usual piercing green by the time Justin was done talking to whoever the blonde man was.

"Someone is at the door asking for you. Want to talk with them or should I get the shot gun?" Darry smiled and Justin blinked.

"I'll talk, you load the gun." Justin smiled back as he realized that Darry's hand was petting his side, very close to his hipbone.

Justin rolled from the couch and picked himself up, yawning. He made the assumption that anyone who knew he was here would be a friend. He was out the door before he realized who his "friend" was.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Justin hissed. Robbie turned and smiled.

"I'm thinking that I miss my little brother and I am beyond tired of hearing your parents whine about missing you. They still wonder why you ran off. I know why, I just wonder how you stay gone for so long." He threw an appraising glance at Justin. "You are skinny. Working for your home?" Robbie said, his smirk beyond the traditional arrogance.

"What do you want?" Justin asked.

"Not even in a good enough mood to respond to my barbs? That's shame. I wonder why you're in a bad mood." Robbie asked, running a hand through his white blonde hair.

"You're here." Justin said.

"Ouch. Why did you dye your hair? You were so pretty. Now you have more of the street rat appeal with your roots showing." Robbie said.

"I'm about to save you the effort of overdosing yourself." Justin spat.

"I'm hurt." Robbie rolled his eyes. "And you have no idea why I need to do what I do, so unless you want to find out, keep that kind of barb to yourself."

"You think I don't why you resort to drugs to stop your pain? I've lived with you long enough to understand it. People fuck with you and you can't do a damn thing about it so you do whatever you can to show you have control of your body and how high you get. But then you showed how limited your control is, even when you weren't high. Bastard." Justin spat.

"If you're referring to what I did to you, I always knew I'd do that, drugs or no. You're lucky mom and dad straightened out for you or you'd been getting it on all fronts. Much like you are now. I saw you and that black haired guy earlier today. You make a cute couple, sitting on a blanket on the ground together. How low income. What happened to 'I like girls Robbie'?" Robbie twisted his face into a youthful expression and his voice notched up a few notes.

"I should've phrased it better. I don't like drunk brothers." Justin said. God he was stupid. He knew what Darry and he had looked like. Darry pinning his hands down as he leaned down, kissing Justin's exposed waist while Justin rested his head on the ground, sighing. Fuck.

"You and I both know it doesn't matter." Robbie said.

"What do you want?" Justin said.

"You. At home. I'm tired of hearing this shit about how I made you leave."

"You think bringing me home will change their minds? They picked you over me long ago and they can't change it by sending you to drag me home. Besides, I was under the impression they split permanently." Justin said.

"Well you were under the wrong impression. Besides, if they split again, I'm sure daddy won't mind taking you in." Robbie hissed.

"I hate you." Justin said.

"Hate me all you want. I just remind you that you're the one who isn't normal. You're getting close to the closest thing resembling a father you can find and you'll end up sending the wrong signals and getting bedded down. It's a marvelous talent you have."

"I didn't send signals. And you're my brother. You don't get signals from me because I don't send them and you're my brother damn it. Even if you are high all the damn time."

"You wanted to be loved and I had an interpretive way of giving you what you wanted." Robbie said.

"Don't attempt to sugarcoat what you did, you brother fucking son of a-"

"Whore? Heard that before. Means more coming from my brother though. So tell me, have you sent him signals?" Robbie said. He was baiting Justin.

"It's not like that." Justin said. He didn't know why his response hadn't been 'fuck you' or 'go fuck someone else' but he wished it had.

"What's his name again, Darrel? How long before he tames you down like I did? You were a pain in the ass until I set you straight. You seem calmer now. Has he pinned you to the couch and taken you for a ride yet?" Robbie smiled.

"If you tamed me, then why did I leave?" Justin hissed. He'd struck a nerve and he knew it. Robbie closed the gap between them and pinned Justin to the rail of the porch, clapping a hand to his mouth.

"Whether I tamed you or not is a moot point since I etched those memories into your mind. Every time you want to be close to someone, you think of what I did to you. What I could do right now." Justin sank his teeth into his brother's hand and tasted blood before Robbie jerked away. Justin hit him square in the jaw and he was on the ground. Justin looked down at his brother.

"What you could do right now is leave and remember that I will never come back to a home with you in it." Justin said. Robbie got up and blinked at his brother.

"You would hurt your brother to make a point?" Robbie asked.

"I would end your life to make a point but you are not my brother."

(la la la)

Darry noticed that Justin was shaking when he came back in and he pulled Justin into his lap, wrapping his arms around Justin. Justin buried his head in Darry but remained motionless except his shuddering breath.

"What's wrong?" Darry asked. Justin's eyes were shut tight.

"Nothing." Justin said.

"Ah huh." Darry kissed his temple and brushed his hair from his face. Justin slid off his lap and stood up. Darry faced him, holding his arms.

"I need to find another place to live Darrel." Justin said. Darry dropped his arms.

"Why?" Darry was terrified that he'd scared Justin off. Too close, too much, too soon.

"It isn't you Darry. That was a family member. I don't want my past to ruin my future."

Justin looked up at Darry, searching for understanding and masking the shame poorly. He wanted Darry to understand that he didn't want his past to hurt the man he cared for in his present and maybe his future. Darry pulled him closer, feeling his tense frame relax, accepting his comfort. Justin looked up at Darry's face and Darry rested his fingers under his chin.

"I love you." Darry said.

"I-" Darry's lips captured the intended sentence and Darry held Justin's waist close, keeping him from buckling. Justin broke the embrace and tilted his chin further up, gasping. Darry kissed his neck, sucking on his throat until Justin hissed.

"Do you want to go to my room?" Darry held Justin close as he stopped kissing the boy. He'd never wanted to hold anyone tighter, closer until he could feel their heartbeats match. Justin nodded and Darry led him, gently pushing him into the room and locking the door. He pulled the curtains shut and pulled Justin close again, noting a few stray tears on the smaller boy's cheeks. Justin trembled as he eased himself closer to Darry, fitting his thin frame against Darry's body. Darry licked the tears away and waited for an explanation as he pulled Justin down onto his lap. Justin put an inch between their faces, looking into Darry's eyes.

"Will you love me tomorrow?"

Justin remembered asking his brother the same question.

It was different then.

It hadn't been the first time and he was a lot younger.

He didn't know he could stop it.

(la la la)

"Will you love me tomorrow?"

"Will you stop crying?" Justin was clearly distracting Robbie as he tore through his brother's clothes.

"Robbie-" Robbie glanced at his face and sighed, irritated beyond belief at the slightest noise from his brother. He put his hand on Justin's mouth, pushing him down into the mattress and pushing himself into his brother, enjoying the stifled scream.

"I love you tonight."

(la la la)

Darry looked at Justin, the strange flicker in his eyes after he asked the question and as he trembled in Darry's lap.

"I will love you always."

Darry was beyond startled when Justin pushed him down to the mattress with a sudden, ardent kiss. Justin slid along Darry's frame, his thighs and waist brushing across Darry's. He knew Darry was telling the truth.

Justin kissing him, his fingertips roaming and caressing as his frame pressed into Darry's made Darry groan. Darry gripped Justin's sides and he rolled onto Justin, hearing a soft exhale. Their eyes met and Justin let his head rest against the mattress, blinking up at his older soon to be lover. Darry kissed him before moving to pull the tight tee shirt off his thin chest. He trailed kisses across Justin's jutting collarbone as he unbuttoned the boy's pants.

Darry had stripped them both before Justin made a sound. Justin purred under him as Darry's rough and calloused hands ran over his frame.

Darry felt Justin's uneven breath as his hands eased between Justin's thighs. Justin gave him a pensive glance but remained still on the mattress. Darry's caresses on his inner thighs soon made him less still and silent. Darry's hands slid in between Justin's legs with a more intent purpose and Justin shivered.

Darry's bedside lotion for his chapped elbows (only Pony believed that one) made Justin gasp as Darry's finger slid into him.

"Too much?" Darry asked, being still.

"Too cold." Justin shuddered and rolled his hips to get Darry to go further. Darry took his time, caressing Justin from the inside because he knew Justin would be struggling to accept the intrusion soon enough.

Justin watched Darry as he rested on his back as Darry slid another finger into him. The pain was bearable when he remembered who was touching him and why. Darry loved him. Jesus. The world had split.

Justin moaned as Darry's third finger stroked him and Darry groaned. Justin moaning something he never in his wildest sex dreams imagined. (And Darry, with his bedside lotion, was given to such dreams involving Justin.) Darry trembled and waited for Justin to ask him to enter because he's struggled a little with tension and the stretching pain.

"Darry, what the hell are you waiting, an invitation?" Justin gasped. Darry took his fingers out and deep throated Justin's erection, drawing a groan, low and visceral. He took his mouth from Justin, sliding up his frame, grinding against the smaller boy until he was shaking and arching and Darry was even with his face, arching his back down against Justin's.

"Yes. Tell me what you want Justin." Darry growled and sucked on his neck, pinning his wrists above his head before finding another spot on his chest to lick. He wanted to be sure this was what Justin wanted and he knew it would turn him on regardless.

"You." Justin shuddered under Darry's embraces. God, his brain stopped working a while ago and transferred all thinking to the area Darry was pressing into the mattress with his waist.

"What do you want me to do?" Darry asked.

"You know." Justin said, unable to think about forming the sentence to tell Darry what he wanted.

"Do you really want to take that risk? Maybe I think you just want to snuggle." Darry smiled and brought his mouth around Justin's nipple. Justin gasped and freed his wrists, pulling Darry's face to his, his nails scratching against Darry's neck. He arched up into Darry's frame and curled his face into Darry's neck, his mouth very close to Darry's ear. He sucked Darry's earlobe, gathering the few words he could pick from his extensive vocabulary. His voice was husky and sultry and he wondered if he sounded like high-end porn.

"I want you to take me and if you ask me where, I will take _you_."

Darry would've laughed longer but Justin's mouth found the spot where neck met shoulder and he almost lost it. Justin had undeniable instincts. Justin reluctantly let go of Darry as he slid back, moving his waist between Justin's legs. Justin rested his head on the mattress once more and took deeper breaths, knowing he would need to be very relaxed for Darry's entrance. Darry was massive, it was only natural that his, (Justin would've cleared his throat, but lacked the control of his vocal chords at that moment) little Darry would require some room. Justin chuckled at the reference and made a note to mention that to Darry later. Later because Darry was kissing his thighs, begging for his entrance. Justin only found a few words to sound the same plead.

Darry entered Justin and Justin couldn't contain the low groan of satisfaction. It masked the groan of pain he'd almost articulated. The sensation of Darry moving into him, inserting all that he was, into Justin, discomfort aside (there was discomfort, physical and otherwise, hidden or obvious), was more than Justin had ever asked for. The pain was a familiar stretch and burn but he knew it wouldn't be more than a moment of discomfort in a long night of passion.

"Am I hurting you?" Darry's voice was gruff with concern because the feeling of Justin's muscles stretching for him was almost making him lose any restraint. He buckled a little when he felt Justin shift so that his legs crossed on Darry's lower back. He wondered why Justin did that for a moment before he realized that if Justin's legs were crossed across Darry's back he could control the pace and thrust up into- Darry shivered. Justin wasn't naïve.

He heard Justin whimper but his face relaxed a moment later as he panted. Darry panted likewise. Justin parting his legs, masking a flush of shame and feelings of inadequacy by turning his face away; the very muscles in his core making room for Darry was something Darry never knew he'd missed.

He wished Justin didn't have to hide, didn't feel shame or inadequacy but he knew that would change with time and acceptance, love and assurance. He knew he was lucky to even have a chance with Justin.

"God no. It would hurt if you stopped." It felt like he was gasping for breath every other syllable and Darry grinned.

"God I love you." Darry breathed, leaving a moist trail of kissed flesh across Justin's chest and waist. Justin trembled at the touch and ignored the throbbing inside him.

Darry looked down at Justin's face, their closeness made inevitable by Justin's legs on Darry's back. Darry's arms trembled as they supported his weight, hovering over Justin. His hips trembled likewise and Justin waited for him to start moving inside him. Darry started moving, back and forth in a gentle circle until he was pulling in and out and delving deeper in a cycle of fervent motion. Eventually the circle stopped and Darry braced Justin, his hands bruising as they gripped Justin's hips, pushing him into Darry as Justin's legs tightened around Darry. The motion became much simpler. In and further in.

Darry's thrusts made Justin want to scream in whatever the word was for so much pleasure Justin would scream in a house full of his close friends when their brother was riding him. Doing him. Taking him. Fucking him. Having sex with him. Making love to him. Whatever the phrase, it wasn't strong enough for what Justin felt with Darry inside him. Justin would never be able to describe it because what he felt went beyond words, the verbal portion of his thoughts. It touched a part of him that was solely sensations and sounds, feelings and textures that were derived from the fact that Darry loved him.

Darry was hitting that spot inside Justin with every thrust and it was driving Justin mad. His arms were wrapped tightly around Darry and his legs mimicked that grip. He clutched tighter as he came, burying his face in Darry's shoulder as he kept thrusting into Justin.

Darry climaxed inside Justin a few moments later as Justin's passage tightened on his erection to an impossible degree that made Darry think he'd never want to leave. Justin was panting just as heavily as he was. He stayed inside Justin and Justin smiled up at him, his green eyes hazy. Darry lowered his frame to Justin's, his arms weary of supporting his weight.

They laid in silence, their breathing winding down. Darry found himself kissing Justin's shoulders, his neck, his throat and collarbone all over again. He slid lower on his slight lover's frame and glanced at him before licking his erection.

Justin started at the heat in Darry's mouth as Darry slipped his mouth over the head of Justin's erection.

"Darry-" Justin's hips pushed up a bit and Darry realized he hadn't deep throated Justin and the base was exposed. He had already made Justin hard again and Justin was a little wearied. He deep throated Justin and heard the sedated moan as Justin slipped his fingers in Darry's hair.

Justin had never been so hard before and no one had bothered to drive him so insane. It was quiet thing, the lust Darry had awakened so quickly after their first encounter but God it was powerful. He dared look at the man who was pleasuring him and the image proved too much. He came and withheld the intended scream, instead moaning at a higher pitch than he meant. He realized he didn't care when he felt the last seed leave him and Darry's tongue still lapped at him.

Darry tasted Justin and swallowed, taking every drop and easing from his young, thin lover. Darry wasn't panting anymore but Justin was. Darry pulled Justin to his chest, kissing his shoulder and feeling the film of sweat on his wiry paramour as his heartbeat calmed. He tasted the saltiness as he licked Justin's shoulder. He wanted to taste every inch of Justin but knew there would be other times for such adventures. He'd made up for lost time tonight.

Justin glanced at the clock as his breathing tamed. It was long past midnight. He looked to Darry as he curled into his chest. Darry opened his eyes and met Justin's still hazy eyes.

"What is it?" Darry asked, kissing his shoulder again.

"It's tomorrow, do you still love me?" Justin's smile told Darry he knew the answer but Darry wanted to answer anyway.

"I will love you always."

_If you've read this before or not, tell me how the lemon scene is. Do you like? Is it realistic? Is it improved?_


	10. Coming Down

_Edited and polished October 2006. _

_Contains slash (boy hearts and has sex with boy). This is a morning after scene, so sue me… Not literally. _

Morning light made Justin groan as Darry's arms held him close. He felt Darry stir and a similar groan was articulated. Neither of them had been that active for a long time. Justin was sore but sated. He saw a few scratches he was likely responsible on Darry's flesh and smiled. Darry would be sore and sated too. Justin jumped as a knock sounded at Darry's door.

"Yeah?" Darry said, his purring tone gone since he knew it wasn't Justin at the door. He pulled Justin closer and kissed his shoulder again, touching the bone with his lips and implying how safe it was to be in his arms.

"Are you up?" Pony asked. Justin blinked and was glad the door was locked.

"Not really. What's going on?"

"We're making breakfast. Where is Justin?" Pony asked.

"I dunno. He probably went for a walk." Darry said, his fingers trailing across Justin's stomach.

"All right." They heard retreating footsteps and Darry blinked. He watched Justin's hazy eyes and sighed. He ran his hand through Justin's hair and pulled his face closer. He noted that Justin was a little bashful even though they were well acquainted from the previous nights encounters. It was cute in a way but Darry made sure Justin knew that Darry had meant it and meant to continue their relationship. He wanted Justin to be sure of that too.

"What do we do now?" Darry asked.

"That depends on you." Justin said, blinking.

"How so?" Darry asked.

"You can join me in the shower or make sure Soda doesn't set the house on fire."

I didn't wanna leave you guys hanging. What do you think? My first hard core slash scene/fic. Be gentle or whatever. Flames are used to flame the flamers. Um, yeah...

_**Once again, it was edited because it needed it. Sorry, I fixed some things that were tale tale signs of a first sex scene so ha, they don't exist any longer… Anyway, review please and I'll give you cookies.**_


	11. Something to do

_Edited in October 2006. Contains slash (boy hearts and has sex with boy) so be warned. _

Justin started looking for his own apartment and he noticed that everyone was together more often. It was good because they were all close but it was bad because they were close enough to notice if Darry and Justin disappeared. They would never assume anything but they'd look for the two. There would be no "alone time" for them until Justin found an apartment, that much was clear. That was quite a motivation to find and rent his own apartment and fast.

A week had passed and Justus needed more of Darry. It wasn't a question of wanting him anymore, no, it was a question of waiting until they were alone.

The gang all piled into a borrowed car and drove to the drive in. It was a change of pace since they usually sat in the seats but a car usually prevented noise complaints from the other moviegoers. It was very dark since it was wintertime and they were jammed in that car.

Two Bit was trashed and in the back seat with Darry and Justin. Pony, Soda and Steve were in the front seat making noise and not paying much attention to the movie or the back seat. Darry was pressed close to Justin and rested his hand on Justin's knee, his fingers rubbing at odd intervals. Justin fidgeted and Two Bit occasionally snored or woke with a grumbling comment or outburst or demand for a chocolate bar. Justin wasn't focused on Two Bit though because Darry's hand inched higher until it rested very high on Justin's thigh. He glared at Darry. They were in the back seat but Pony was the only one paying attention to the movie. Steve and Soda were adding their commentary in between thumb wars and candy bars.

Darry continued toying with Justin by tickling his thigh but Justin didn't play. He made a swift motion and his hand ran along Darry's waist, stroking Darry through his jeans while his emerald eyes pierced Darry's. Darry gasped. Pony glanced back but Justin was watching the movie intently, his arms folded across his chest.

"Something wrong Darry?" Pony asked.

"Short stuff elbowed me because I was dozing off." Darry grumbled, pulling Justin into a headlock and rubbing his hair. When Pony turned, Darry kissed Justin's forehead and muttered into his ear. "I'll get you for that."

"Promises promises." Justin muttered, kissing Darry's arm as it lingered around him.

(la la la)

When they drove home Darry waited until he heard every bedroom door slam and then another ten minutes. Soda and Pony were tired; they had to be asleep by then. Darry had tossed the covers to get up when his door cracked open, revealing a dim lit hall and Justin. Justin was wearing his boxers and nothing else, his happy trail exposed as he blinked.

"May I come in?" Justin asked.

"If you don't come in I'll take you in the hallway." Darry muttered, chuckling.

"So complimentary."

Justin came in, locking the door and walking to Darry's side of the bed. They hadn't found time to be together since that first night but Darry would always make sure Justin knew that he loved him. Sometimes it would be a rather odd expression. A wrestling match had broken out earlier in the week and Darry noted the gang was a ways off, and he tackled the unaware Justin, pinning his wrists and kissing him. Justin smiled and rolled over, starting a real wrestling match that ended in Darry's submission and a few moments of Justin's tongue exploring Darry as his hips undulated against Darry's. The flashes of shame and uncertainty were fading away. Darry pulled him down and kissed him.

"Any luck on that apartment?" Darry asked.

"Ah huh." Justin kissed the hollow of Darry's throat, his voice purring at a strange guttural volume.

"And?"

"And I found someone who'll sublet an apartment to me for very little money so long as he can use the couch when he crashes into town." Justin pressed closer to Darry. "Can we move on now?"

"I've never had anyone in my bed before you." Darry said, looking up at Justin.

"Is that supposed to be a turn on? It'd be a turn on if you made that shirt scarce." Justin was working with the buttons on Darry's flannel pajama shirt.

"It's supposed to tell you how much I love you and that you're different from anyone I've ever met." Darry said, letting the smaller boy pull his shirt off.

"I would assume that since I'm on top of you, almost naked and pulling your clothes off, but the assurance is nice." Justin lowered himself to Darry's side, letting Darry deal with his pants.

"You aren't in the mood for conversation." Darry said, chuckling as he shucked off his pants.

"We could've held a conversation in the car but you had to torture me. Conversation is for when we both can't move anymore." Justin said.

"I don't picture you as a pillow talker."

"Me? You're the one who passes out instantaneously." Justin scoffed and Darry rolled onto him after stripping all remaining clothing.

"Not instantly. Just quickly. Besides, it's better than that couch you sleep on. I was thinking of coming out but then I remembered you barely fit on it so I'd probably fall off in the middle of, it." Darry blushed and Justin laughed under him.

"In the middle of what?" Justin's voice almost growled as Darry kissed his neck.

"In the middle of you, I guess. But yeah, it isn't because I didn't want to be with you, I just didn't want to do it on a very unstable couch in ear shot of the gang." Darry said.

"I know." Justin said. A few moments passed, Justin arching under Darry and soft groans and sighs the only sounds.

"So tell me Justin, does this apartment of yours have a spacious couch?"

(la la la)

Justin was in the shower before anyone was awake and started when the door eased open. Darry slid in and was stripping what few clothes he wore.

"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me Darrel." Justin said, glaring from behind the shower curtain. "And I thought we were being inconspicuous?" Strands of his hair were already dripping wet, dangling in front of his eyes.

"Bah. They'll never know. You get up early. We'll have time to snuggle on the couch." Darry said, sliding in and pulling Justin close. Close enough to rest against Darry's erection and feel the hardness pressed against him.

"More like you'll have time to make breakfast." Justin shivered and Darry held him closer, licking stray water droplets from his skin until they were both under the stream. He sucked on Justin's shoulder as water trailed across their frames.

"What are we doing today?" Darry asked as Justin leaned back against him.

"Wandering around. It's Saturday, right?"

"Yeah." Darry said.

"Do you work?"

"Yeah. I get off at five. It's going to be a long day, more so for you than me." Darry purred and Justin could appreciate the reverberations when Darry's chest pressed to his. Darry made a very shallow thrust and Justin groaned despite the lack of penetration. The mere motion of his erection against Justin was making them both horny.

"I'll find something to do until then."

(la la la)

Justin's something was wandering around with Pony and Two Bit (after hot and steamy shower sex). Soda and Steve worked on Saturdays for a few hours. Two Bit eventually wandered off and Justin yawned. He was the victim of lassitude induced by long nights with Darry's natural, someone lascivious tendencies for making long nights longer.

He got in his truck and Pony was the quiet shadow beside him. Pony was his "something to do" while Darry was gone. He felt guilty that their friendship had quailed because Justin and Darry succumbed to a combination of lust and necessity. Justin wondered if his need for Darry was as transparent as he felt it was. He wondered if he would be like an addict, suffering from withdrawal and going innately insane upon an absence of Darry. He knew he needed Darry that much but wondered if it would be that obvious.

"I found an apartment, want to come look at it?" Justin asked. He'd almost forgot the shadow beside him had brought him to Darry's house in the first place. Justin blinked. He needed to tone his Darry craving self down a touch. He was being wildly licentious.

"Sure."

Justin pulled into the cozy, well kept parking lot that boasted its well kept nature through the spotless ground and dozens of flowers, wild and otherwise, hanging or growing up walls, hiding ugly, fading brick that had once been just as well kept.

"Nice ivy." Pony said.

"Yeah. I saw some lady cutting it the other day and she said she needed it for church services. She said she was a tree hugger and ivy kills trees. A little manic." Justin said, unlocking the door. He opened it and motioned Pony in.

Pony sat on the black leather couch and chuckled. Justin wondered too if the previous occupant often wooed ladies in the darkly decorated dwelling. It was more like a lair of all that was manly and cheap (besides the couch). It had one bedroom with a queen bed, a kitchen and a living room besides a bathroom with washer and dryer. Justin didn't particularly care about the amenities since his name wasn't nominally attached to the apartment.

"Do you want a soda Pony?" Justin walked from his bedroom to where Ponyboy had been sitting but Pony stood in his path, blocking him in the hall without seeming imposing. "Want to see my room?" Justin asked, unable to think another reason to Pony's sudden proximity.

"I need to talk to you." Pony's voice was unusually husky. He put an arm on the wall near Justin and came closer, Justin willingly backing the wall, watching Pony's eyes.

"About what?" Justin said, leaning on the wall. Maybe if Pony could see Justin trusted him, he would calm down.

"Our friendship." Pony said, gazing into Justin's eyes unflinchingly.

"What about it Pony? You know you're a very close friend. You're more like family to me than anyone I've known." Justin's family reference was an effort to put some distance between them and transmit the idea that a platonic relationship was good. He also felt the intended embrace before Pony initiated it or dared think it.

"Could we be more?" Pony asked. He was sincere and waiting for a response. Pony always kept a level head at least.

"I don't know that you want me as anything other than a friend Pony. I don't think you do." Justin said, his voice soft. Pony leaned closer and held Justin's jaw, tilting it up to his lips and pulling Justin closer until they both leaned on the wall as Pony very deliberately kissed Justin.

"How do you know that?" Pony breathed, hand brushing Justin's waist as Justin gasped.

"You deserve someone better. I have a past I'm not proud of, a present I'm scared of, and a future that is so undefined I don't think even God knows where I'm going and nothing in any of it would make me deserve you as anything more than the friend you've always been. And I don't even deserve that much Pony." Pony leaned in closer, putting insane pressure on every inch of Justin's body before placing his hand where the zipper of Justin's pants ended and lifting, pressing Justin into the wall. Pony kissed Justin again, his neck tilting back and Pony diving into his mouth, his jaw gliding against Justin's. Pony parted their lips a millimeter, afraid to lose Justin. Justin was afraid to acknowledge the burgeoning lust those touches had elicited.

"Justin-" He lifted on the zipper area again and Justin flinched, trying to get away. This was too much pressure and Darry had topped him before. Jesus Christ, he was Darry's, not anyone else's for touching.

"Pony, you have to stop now." Justin said, swallowing and trying to find space. God he wanted to run. He loved Darry in the way Pony loved him and Pony was treating him the way his brother had. God damn it, he thought, flinching. Why did the things he experienced now always have to tie to his past? He was tired of tracking through a past and hurting his future in the process.

"Why?" Pony asked.

"I, can't just be with you like this. There are too many things you don't know-"

"I thought we were close friends-" Pony said.

"Close friends keep secrets to save close friends pain. I can't love you like this." Justin's trembling was boarding a mental patients' and made his usual piercing gaze seem to beg. Pony dropped his grip and backed away, noting the gasp that signaled so much relief in Justin.

"Did you think I would-" Pony stopped the question when he saw how wild Justin's eyes were and remembered how untamed and insecure they were when their lips met.

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm sorry Justin. I should've-" Pony began and Justin held up his hand, weakly leaning on the wall. Justin seemed beyond shock and Pony wondered why. Justin was a bombshell to the gang. Everyone bonded to Justin immediately in very distinct ways. Pony wanted to know if there was something special about their relationship versus everyone else. There was but it was not that Justin wanted to be intimate. They were special because Justin bonded to Pony first and would continue to trust him even after being terrified he'd spend an ardent but unwanted night under the lusty Greaser.

Justin drove Pony home in silence and let the silence stay. He could've easily distracted Pony by talking about a book or a movie but he refrained. He was too shaken.

Pony was reserved. Pony was sensitive. Pony never exposed his feelings about relationships. Yet Pony was very frank about his feelings towards Justin. Justin wondered if the rest of the gang would dare be as frank. Two Bit was just like a brother; Steve liked girls and felt guilty about how he'd treated Justin so Justin wasn't concerned about them.

But Pony had made his feelings clear. Crystal clear. Justin shuddered. Whether it was his aggressive tongue or the more aggressive lift on his jeans, everything was crudely clear.

Soda. Soda treated Justin like a brother. Just like Pony only Soda was gentler and more affectionate. Justin almost hit his head on the steering wheel as he drove. Soda. He had to talk to Soda. Quickly. He was taken for God's sake. He was Darry's pet, not the gang's. He wanted Darry, not either of his brother's or anyone else. Maybe if he hadn't, no, he'd always been Darry's, from the instant those cold eyes looked him up and down and found something he wanted to love.

Pony got out of Justin's truck and Justin watched him walk to his house. Justin thought a moment and put his head on the steering wheel. Soda. What exactly did those looks he always gave Justin mean? He only questioned it because of Pony's looks and his misinterpretations.

"Dammit dammit dammit dammit." He dropped his forehead onto the wheel as if to articulate each curse and each hit was a different tone, much like a drum set. Where the hell was Darry? Justin had found more than enough to do.

_Edited, bla bla you know the drill. How about a review? Validate my efforts in editing. Let me feel the love… (Tumble weed passes) Ouch guys, ouch._


	12. House Warming

_Edited in October 2006, you know the drill._

_Contains slash (boy hearts and makes love to boy) so yeah. (Shrugs shoulders) It's there. Beware. _

Justin sighed and tapped the steering wheel with his knuckles until it became painful. His truck was running on fumes. He drove to the gas station Soda and Steve worked at. He remembered going there with Pony a few times. He was always edgy about explaining why Soda worked rather than finishing high school. Justin never made an issue out of it because he could see dropping the six or seven hour day spent listening to teachers who didn't give a damn lecture about demographics and all the other subjects no adult really cared about after high school.

Justin put his truck in park and noticed it was about time for Soda and Steve to get off. Darry too. Justin sighed at how wonderful it would be to share a quiet, safe place with Darry. Darry made anyplace safe but Justin needed somewhere to call home. Justin got out of his truck and Steve started pumping his gas.

"Don't expect a tip, grease monkey." Justin said. He was almost too distracted to remember that Steve needed reassurance that Justin didn't hate him with a passion. "Wash the windows for me, will ya?" Justin winked and Steve chuckled, waving him towards the convenience store.

"Get out of here you hood. I'll have you arrested for loitering."

Justin went in and saw Soda shuffling around in the candy bar aisle and Darry was leaning on the counter. Justin kept his thoughts away from how those particular jeans fit Darry.

"Hey Short stuff." Darry said, smirking as he looked over his shoulder at Justin. It sounded gruff but Justin knew the gentler set of Darry's eyes and the even gentler headlock that was a façade to pull Justin close. His shoulders were held tight against Darry's chest as Darry tilted his head up for a moment. The look in Darry's eyes communicated the intense desire to lean closer and capture Justin's lips. Justin knew he wasn't the only one in the relationship that missed long nights and late mornings.

Darry released Justin and Justin noticed a thin blonde girl, smiling and using all her feminine guile on Darry. Darry, not Soda and certainly not Justin. Justin was snubbed because she had her sights on Darry and didn't falter when Justin came in. Soda hadn't been much of a distraction either. She had her sights on his Greaser.

"Hey Darry. Get off work early?" Justin asked as Soda hopped back over the counter, glancing around for his nametag and frowning, handing Darry a bottle of Coke.

"Yeah." Darry opened his soda and drank some, sighing. Not quite early enough to get to Justin without talking to the gang and having to think of an excuse to leave.

"I'm glad you got off early. It looks like they work you too hard." The blonde girl said. She was very beautiful but obviously didn't know it since she dressed in a short skirt without a lack of makeup. Her green eyes almost matched Justin's. Justin wondered whether she was taller than him in those heels but refrained from looking too close.

"What's your name?" Justin kept from starting when Darry asked and gave her a less than 'come hither' look (even less than polite). He'd assumed with that kind of stare she knew Darry.

"April." She was smiling and her eyes were wide, brimmed with over drawn mascara.

"It was nice talking to you April but I need to go. I promised Short stuff that I'd help him set up his apartment." Darry sat up, stretching and glanced to Justin. April didn't show any disappointment except in a very well played pout as she handed Darry her number on a receipt. She'd bought Darry his soda. She left before Darry and glanced over her shoulder only to find Darry wasn't watching her.

"She wanted to take you home." Soda said, blinking and showing some concern over Darry's sullen rejection of the girl.

"I didn't want to go to her home." Darry muttered, rolling his eyes. He glanced in Justin's direction and Justin wondered if the clandestine leer was to communicate whose home he wanted to go to.

Justin wandered the candy aisle and Steve came in, sitting on the counter. Steve and Soda rambled and Darry's feigned attention was well warranted since he was really staring at Justin. Justin was stretching to get some M&Ms and the very tip of the rose stem peeked at Darry from under the retreating shirttail. Darry leaned against the counter again and shut his eyes.

He remembered dark glimpses of it against the almost blue glow of Justin's skin in the pure darkness but didn't remember nearly as much as he wanted to. He wanted to know every inch of Justin's skin, tattoo included. He wanted to feel that tattoo to see if it was like the rest of Justin's skin or not.

Darry stopped thinking about tattoos and Justin's skin before it became obvious he needed _someone _to take him home.

"How much do I owe you for the gas Soda?" Justin put two bags of M&Ms on the counter as well and smiled at Darry, bumping their hips together. Darry glared at him and Justin smiled. A glare in front of the gang was good since it meant Justin was pushing him. The gang thought it was sincere but the only sincerity would be in Darry's grip later that night. Justin was encouraged and elevated that Darry had snubbed a gorgeous blonde girl because Darry loved the dark, green-eyed boy, not the blonde, green-eyed girl.

Justin paid Soda and Darry followed him out. Darry followed Justin to his apartment and stood close, shivering in the doorway right behind Justin as he fumbled with the keys. His thin fingers shook in the cold, struggling with the colder metal keys. Darry pressed his chest to Justin's back and his fingers slid around Justin's, easing the key into the lock. The door clicked and Justin opened it, looking over his shoulder at Darry.

"Thanks." He smiled and Darry gave him a staccato push into the apartment, chuckling.

"You were very cute in the gas station you know?" Darry watched Justin fumble for a light switch and enjoyed the half dark of the early evening. Justin found the switch and grinned at Darry.

"And you weren't? Everyone green eyed in that store wanted a piece of you."

"You were more green eyed than usual." Darry purred, pulling Justin close and letting his hands meet at the small of Justin's back. He wished he could tell exactly where the tattoo was.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. But I know I must've placated the green eyed monster." Darry said, smiling down into Justin's eyes.

"You love the green eyed monster, you mean." Justin said, hanging his arms around Darry's neck.

"That too." Darry kissed Justin and Justin whimpered when Darry took his lips away. Darry took one hand from Justin and retrieved the other green eye's number and crumpled it, tossing it over his shoulder.

"I wasn't really jealous." Justin murmured, rolling his eyes.

"Then why were you wrinkling your forehead, just like you are now?" Darry asked, kissing Justin's forehead.

"I was thinking about your future." Justin said. Darry chuckled.

"What future were you thinking about at a gas station?" Darry asked.

"Yours and I how I changed it. Darry, sit down a minute." Justin gestured to the couch, tossing the M&Ms to the table from his back pocket.

"At least sit down with me if you're going to lecture me Short stuff." Darry said, blinking. He knew Justin wouldn't have sat down otherwise because he was already pacing, his Converse shuffling on the carpet. Justin sat a fair distance from Darry and Darry arched his eyebrow at the smaller boy.

"What?" Darry lunged across the couch and pulled Justin into his lap.

"That's better." Darry said, smiling at the small victory. He could investigate that tattoo now. He slid his fingers under the tail of Justin's shirt and pushed it up.

"I was serious-"

"Give me a minute." Justin shivered as Darry's fingers brushed his back right over the tattoo.

"You've seen my back before." Darry knew Justin was flushing at the scrutiny.

"I've never taken the time to explore the tattoo." Darry said.

"I didn't think you'd like it." Justin said, feeling suddenly aware of Darry's breath, fingers and gaze. He inclined his head towards Darry as he sat in the older man's lap and blinked.

"Why wouldn't I?" Darry asked. His thumbs pressed the tattoo and Justin felt his muscles relax. Justin blinked.

"I dunno."

"You sound like you do. What does it mean?" Darry asked.

"It's a black rose. It means it's a black rose." Justin said, blinking.

"I meant what does it mean to you? It suits you I just don't know how to explain it." Darry kissed the tattoo and Justin shivered.

"Don't worry about it." Justin said.

"That was avoiding the question if I've ever heard it." Darry kissed the tattoo again, lower on the stem, hands on his waist and his thick fingers curling into Justin's skin in a tight embrace.

"What does a rose usually mean?" Justin prompted.

"Beauty." Darry said.

"Pointless, senseless beauty. An object only valued for beauty. All right. Now what does red symbolize?"

"Red?" Darry asked.

"The typical rose color." Justin said.

"The rose was a stretch. I really have no idea what red means." Darry laughed and leaned back, holding Justin to observe his back from a different angle.

"Passion, love, intensity. So what is a black rose?"

"I dunno." Darry said.

"A rose that has lost its passion and intensity. A rose that isn't beautiful anymore." Justin said. He shivered. His brother hated that tattoo. It reminded him that he had caused Justin to lose so much.

Justin remembered being used like a pleasure thing. It took everything from him. He was so numb he just paid for the tattoo with his brother's money, just to see what would happen. If he hadn't been so numb he would've known a stunt like that would land him in the emergency room. He remembered intense physical pain raining from his brother's blows but it was worth it to see Robbie tremble. Robbie was just human enough to tremble before hurting Justin again. Not human enough to stop. Justin had to make it stop and the tattoo was the catalyst.

"Justin-"

"You asked." Justin said. He felt like he needed to be out of Darry's grip.

"I know you're still beautiful Justin." Darry said. God, that made his instinct to pull away from Darry worse. Justin shuddered and wondered how much it would hurt Darry if he withdrew from his comforting affection.

"It's not about that Darry." Justin said, leaning against him as Darry cradled him. Justin shut his eyes and leaned into Darry's collarbone. Darry wasn't his brother. Darry wanted to shelter him, not hurt him.

"What is it about babe?" Dary asked, leaning his face on Justin's shoulder as his arms encircled Justin. Darry didn't like it when Justin trembled. He didn't like it before Justin was his and he hated it now. It'd meant Justin was exposed and hurting before and now it meant Darry had let Justin get hurt.

"It's about being used babe." Justin said.

"When did you get it?"

"Before I ran away from home." Justin said.

"Justin-"

"Let me explain something Darry. I thought that a relationship was about pain and not being able to live when you're in one. I thought it drained all of your life out of you. And I was right. Mine did. When I got that tattoo, I just wanted it to stop." Justin said.

"Why?" Darry was asking for an explanation to more than Justin wanted to talk about.

"I can't take some things. I can't handle being used by someone I'm supposed to love. It's not fun being at someone else's beck and call. We weren't supposed to have sex. It wasn't even about him being my brother. It was about how much he hurt me. What he said to me. He wasn't supposed to hurt me. I wasn't supposed to be scared of my brother."

"Justin-" Darry held him closer and Justin remained still and limp.

"Nothing was the way it should've been. When I got that tattoo, it changed something. He saw what he'd done to me. I hate to have such a crappy analogy but he saw it just like he saw that tattoo. It miffed him. He beat me so bad my parents took me to the emergency room. I never came home from the hospital."

"Justin, I'm sorry this happened." Darry said.

"You couldn't have stopped it." Justin said.

"I could have. I would have."

"Darry, I love you but you can't stop bad things from happening to me. Life doesn't dig that way." Darry had never heard Justin use a trendy expression before.

"I would've stopped it." Darry said.

"You couldn't have." Justin repeated.

"What couldn't I have done? What would stop me?" Darry said, his grip tightening and making Justin bite down on a whimper.

"Darry, bad things have happened to me since I've known you." Justin's reprimand was soft but Darry wilted.

"I'm sorry-"

"I have no idea what you're apologizing for." Justin said.

"I want to protect you-"

"Don't." Justin hissed and jumped from Darry's lap, his hipbones sliding across Darry's waist. Darry blinked and wondered what he'd said. He got up.

"Don't what?" Darry asked, watching Justin speak through clenched teeth.

"Don't protect me. You aren't family. You are _mine_. You are just as much mine as I am yours and I don't want something I love to have to protect me. I don't want to be protected just because it seems like I need to be. I want to bring something to you instead of demanding things. I want to offer you someone to love that doesn't need to be guarded like an age-old secret. I don't want to be another brother or a Curtis adoptee. I want to be yours."

"Justin-" Justin shrugged Darry's hand off and stepped away, back facing Darry.

"I'm not mad at you." Justin said. His posture and voice didn't really enforce that statement.

"Justin-" Darry reached for him again and was started when Justin turned around, eye blazing. He looked scared and angry but mostly uncertain.

"What?" Justin snapped.

"I love you." Darry said. Justin turned and walked to the kitchen, back to Darry again, legs spread as if to brace himself against the torrent of emotions. He crossed his arms and his back was too straight. Darry knew that posture made Justin ache.

"I don't trust love and I certainly don't want protection under the pretense of love."

Justin's clenched jaw and his death stare at any direction that wasn't Darry sealed Darry's next course of action. He reached for Justin's arm again.

"Justin-"

"Don't Darry."

Justin jerked away but Darry caught his upper arm, feeling the wiry tensed muscles bunch. He pulled Justin back against his chest and wrapped his arms around the boy. Justin's scowl was sincere and his glare once again denied Darry. Darry hoped he wasn't reminding Justin of anything his brother had ever done but he needed the boy to be close to him.

"Listen to me. You are mine."

Darry squeezed Justin's arm to emphasize the point as his voice lowered. He rested his lips on Justin's shoulder before continuing.

"You are the only thing I would bother to claim. Do you understand what that means to me?" Darry asked.

"Obviously not." Justin shrugged against Darry's grip as he spoke and Darry pulled him so tight Justin's breath hitched as their frames blended, Justin tucked into Darry like they were meant for that fit and that fit only.

"If I don't protect you I might lose you."

Darry kissed Justin's neck and let him go, admiring the speed and grace he used to slid away, jumping onto the counter and looking at Darry. He looked touched and thoughtful under a layer of tense fear.

"Why do you think we're together Darrel?" Justin asked, blinking. He was humbled and terrified by the show of Darry's strength and the point that his resistance would only be noted on an emotional level since his strength wouldn't be a selling point.

"Because you protected yourself long enough to find me."

Darry looked at Justin's eyes and came closer. He stopped as he came to Justin's knees hanging from the counter and gently laid an arm around his waist. Justin leaned forward and kissed Darry, wrapping his arms around Darry's neck and shoulders. Darry wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and slid him off the counter, feeling Justin wrap his sinewy legs around Darry's waist. Darry was awed by the strength of Justin's kiss and swung him to the ground after Justin's hips rolled against his own.

Justin reluctantly ended their kiss as his knees buckled. Darry had set him down and now his hands held onto Darry in a vain attempt not to fall. Darry held their foreheads together for a long moment as he supported his lover's scant weight.

"Can we sit down?" Justin asked. He didn't meet Darry's eyes because once again he was shown as the lightweight. Since Darry didn't particularly mind being able to lift his lover (and Justin liked the results), the sting of humiliation was fading.

"Yeah. Have you been eating and sleeping?" Darry sat him on the couch and combed the fridge.

"Not especially much. It's no fun when you're not around." Justin said. Darry came out with sodas and brownies.

"I can't believe you live on brownies and can't manage to fill out your doll sized pants." Darry said. He pulled Justin into his lap again and admired the gentle cast of lamp light on Justin's face as he rested his cheek on Darry's chest.

"There hasn't been any complaints before now." Justin shut his eyes for a moment.

"You haven't almost fainted for a while either." Darry said.

"It wasn't that bad." Justin said.

"Justin, your legs giving out like that isn't normal when you're past puberty. Feed yourself on occasion." Darry motioned to the brownies and Justin took one.

"I don't know why you assume I'm past puberty. I'm hoping for another growth spurt." He smiled at Darry and Darry rolled his eyes. They both knew Justin was condemned to the shortness. "I had a conversation topic before we had this discussion. By the way, does that tattoo still turn you on?" Justin asked, smiling up at Darry with an oversized bite of brownie in his mouth.

"Was it that obvious?" Darry flushed. Tattoos usually made girls look cheap. On guys they were tuff, not sexy.

"You licked it." Justin spoke with an arched eyebrow before taking another bite, wincing.

"I kissed it. I was trying to be romantic."

"Well romance is all well and good until you start drooling." Justin said.

"Eat more brownies." Darry said.

"I don't like chocolate."

"Then why do you have them?" Darry asked, blinking.

"They were a house warming gift from an over zealous neighbor. Never mind that. I need to talk to you seriously for a moment." Justin turned in his lap so he faced Darry and Darry put his arms around the boy's waist, hands resting at the back of his waistband.

"There is no serious when you're in my lap." Darry said.

"Stubborn." Justin said.

"More stubborn." Darry said. A sincere, non-sultry smile flooded his face as Justin exhaled, snorting slightly.

"Are we ready to be serious again?" Justin asked. His eyes were the usual, high clear green color and Darry sighed. The haziness caused by their argument ending in a strangely ardent embrace had faded already. He must be serious.

"If I have to." Darry sighed. Justin was supposed to be his escape. He didn't need to be serious all the time with Justin. He didn't need to be serious when he was alone with Justin, especially since they felt so safe with each other. Darry always thought he felt perfectly fine and safe alone since he could take care of himself but Justin took care of him better. He wondered what Justin felt.

"I love you." Justin said, bringing his face close to Darry's and touching their foreheads together. Meeting Darry's eyes was something very special. Darry was surprised he did so after their argument which had scared Justin to some extent. Darry never knew what it was like to be overpowered and vulnerable in such a close relationship.

"I love you too." Justin flinched as Darry spoke.

"I know but, I don't feel like I gave you much of a choice about all this." Justin said, feeling Darry's hands once again reach around and rest on the small of his back, fingers itching at the waistband of his jeans.

"What do you mean?" Darry asked, looking in Justin's eyes.

"I feel badly about this. You, you're Darry. You deserve a family and a life of your own. Every time you say you love me I feel like I've taken something away from you or someone else. You should be a father. You should be a husband to some Mary Sue blue eyes and get crappy little noodle artwork from your two kids. Breakfast in bed on Father's day, the dog has a birthday party and you teach your kids how to ride a bike and throw a football. You know what I mean? And instead you get some skinny high schooler with more emotional baggage than sanity. And don't give me that look. We have evidence of that from like, five minutes ago. I know you love me but what kind of future can I give you?"

"A future with you is the only one I want." Darry said. A simple, short answer to the rush of confusion and emotion.

"Darry-"

"Don't you 'Darry' me Justin. I haven't had a future for a long time. I want this one."

Darry kissed him and pulled him closer until his chest was pressed against Darry's and Darry's hand roamed his back, his palms pressing every inch of his ivory skin. Justin separated the kiss and breathed, resting his head against Darry's neck and hiding his face. Darry felt the hot drip of a tear and stroked his back.

"Why'd you get M&Ms? What happened to not liking chocolate?" Darry asked.

"I don't but it's supposed to be a powerful aphrodisiac."

Darry picked Justin up at the ever so subtle hint and sauntered to the table, ignoring the protests as Justin hung over his shoulders.

"I've always liked M&Ms." Darry said, smiling as he sat Justin on the table. He opened a bag and half of it was in his mouth the next instant.

"They're fun to play with but I don't like them very much."

"Then why play with them?" Darry mumbled.

"Because they're fun to play with." Justin blinked at Darry and flushed.

"Let's go play then."

_Edited bla bla bla. Leave me a review before you move onto the hot boy sex k? I work hard… You play hard, gimme some lovin'._


	13. Beauty and Pleasure

_Edited and polished in October 2006. Contains slash (boy hearts and makes tender and or kinky love to boy). You've been warned. Heavy lemon scene. _

Justin let Darry toss him to the bed and started pulling his clothes off, getting off the bed despite Darry's raised eyebrow. He pinned Darry against a bedpost of his poster bed. Darry was startled by his strength and tested it, pushing against his wiry arms with one of his since the other was pinned behind him. His wiry arms trembled under Darry's but he managed to pin them to the post above Darry's head (mostly because the mere sight of Justin's eyes in such an intense mood made Darry desire domination), his entire body straining against Darry.

"You're stronger than you look." Darry said, smiling at his gaunt and ardent captor.

"I bet you taste like chocolate." Justin said, blinking up at him. Darry noted a strange smile and a darkening stare from Justin.

"Is that a problem? I've got half a bag left." Darry said.

Justin pulled the M&Ms from Darry's front pocket and kissed him. He was pulling Darry's clothes off with admirable constraint, his lingering fingers drawing moans from Darry. Soft nips at Darry's neck and shoulders as his shirt brushed against his skin on the way to the floor. Softer fingertips trailing down his back to the waistband of his jeans. Flicking touches around his belt to the front of his pants, nimble fingers being too slow for normalcy. All the while his mouth pressed up into Darry's, his jaw gliding against Darry's in a gentle motion. Darry's belt was hanging and his pants were undone but Justin rubbed his palms down Darry's back under Darry could feel the heel of his palm along his spine.

"Justin-"

"I'm taking my time. Easy there big boy." Justin said, chuckling and looking into Darry's eyes. His eyes weren't so icy now.

"I wasn't complaining." Darry chuckled and Justin shuddered at the motion.

"Good. You look like you're melting." Justin said, pressing his hips to Darry's.

"M&Ms melt in your mouth, not me." Darry corrected, kissing the bridge of Justin's nose.

"I always wondered if M&Ms would melt any where else." Justin said. His smile was simple curiosity to anyone who wasn't his lover. Darry hardened at the murky look in his eyes and the sultry smirk.

"Uhh." Darry's moan turned into a sigh as Justin's hands eased down his back to his pants, sliding his jeans and boxers down in a long, grinding motion that spread to his body as his hands held Darry's hips in place.

"Let's get on the bed. I have three hundred thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets and I wanna use um for some good."

"Want some M&Ms?" Darry's sultry expression was less subtle and more, Darry, since he was almost drooling and completely naked. Justin shuffled out of his boxers and slid onto the bed after Darry, kneeling in front of him. He put a handful of M&Ms in his hand and licked one.

"They aren't really for me." Darry let the air exit his lungs in a startled gasp and Justin guided him down until he was flat on the bed. "Close your eyes."

"I never pictured you as a planned game type-"

"This is spontaneity at its best babe." Justin said as Darry shut his eyes.

"I thought this was just you." Darry wondered what part of Justin thought of sex at a gas station. The sensible part made him wait to get home.

"That too."

Justin slid along Darry's frame, resisting the overwhelming urge to moan and grind until they both moaned. He let M&Ms fall in random places, their cool surfaces drawing a hiss from Darry. He took four or five and set them along Darry's, little Darry, (he still chuckled and doubted the M&Ms would stay in place) and moaned at how quickly Darry's flaccid, little Darry (another chuckle) had hardened. Apparently Justin was hot stuff.

"Justin, they'll melt-"

"Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Depends on, a few things." Justin said, gripping Darry's thigh as his meaning sank in.

"Oh, Justin, what exactly is going on in that head of yours?"

"Many things involving a thin candy coating and a thick, salty coating." Justin couldn't keep the laughter from his voice.

"Took a lot to sound like a cheap porno huh?" Darry laughed and the M&Ms all shuffled a bit, most unseated from big Darry's little Darry.

"Yeah. It's all for you baby."

"The M&Ms were for me too?" Darry asked, eyes still shut.

"To a point."

Justin caressed Darry's neck as he slid lower, his tongue trailing to the first M&M. He breathed on it and Darry's writhed under him. His tongue flicked it and he rolled his tongue around it, exaggerating the motion and rolling the M&M into his mouth.

"Justin-" Darry's hands found Justin's face and slid into his hair, tickling his scalp. Justin murmured as he swallowed the M&M.

"Yeah?" Justin asked.

"You're beautiful." Justin flushed at Darry's sincerity. No one ever said that about Justin. Not even Pony.

"I love you Darry." Justin said, blinking. Darry gently pulled him closer and kissed him, ignoring the scattering M&Ms.

"I hope you love me enough to get the chocolate stains out of your three count, nylon cotton bed sheets." Darry was too distracted (not enough blood to his brain versus his nether regions) to get whatever Justin had said earlier right.

"They melt in your mouth, hopefully not on my sheets." Justin said, chuckling as Darry released his grip. "Where was I?" Justin asked. Darry stroked Justin's throat with his fingers and Justin felt like a kitten since his chin raised and he felt like purring dammit.

"I don't think it matters as long as you keep going."

Justin found another M&M and used his tongue to move it around on Darry's chest. Darry's hands snaked into his hair again, gripping strands and Justin hissed as his own sudden motion brought a sharp tug on his hair.

"Sorry beautiful." Darry said, running a finger along his cheek.

"I have a very sensitive head."

"So do I." Darry laughed into a pillow as Justin's mouth dropped at his implication.

"Now who sounds like a porno?"

"You're eating M&Ms off of my chest. It's still you." Darry couldn't stop his grin.

"Does that mean you want me to stop?" Justin asked, blinking and pouting.

"I never said or implied that."

"I wouldn't have stopped anyway." Justin nipped Darry's nipple and Darry hissed.

"Good to know."

Justin found another M&M at the side of Darry's rib cage. Darry muttered a little since Justin was moving away from his chest and not much closer to the neediest organ but he stopped short with a moan when Justin sucked on his side. One hand braced Justin and the other tickled Darry's stomach, earning him a low rumble from Darry.

Justin shifted lower and Darry moaned as his tongue moved an M&M from Darry's hip to his navel. Justin could be a heartless tease but God, he was good at it. Justin's tongue slipped the M&M into Darry's belly button and Justin smiled.

"What a clumsy tongue I have."

"Seems pretty nimble to me." Darry said. His hands again rested in Justin's silky hair and he sighed. He'd heard dyed hair meant badly conditioned, split ends hair but Justin's was soft and silkiest at the roots. The blonde roots Darry wished Justin didn't have to hide.

Justin tongue descended into Darry's belly button and Darry groaned, arching his back and bumping Justin's head up into his hands that still clutched Justin's hair. Justin shook the unexpected motion off and Darry wondered if it hurt since he looked really startled. Justin rolled his eyes at Darry and made a tsking noise, sticking his curled tongue out with a red M&M on the tip.

Darry moaned louder.

Justin laughed and uncurled his tongue, the M&M dropping onto Darry's "very sensitive head".

"Oh God Justin, don't leave it there-"

"There are still M&Ms elsewhere. I wanna see if I can make it melt." Justin said, arching his neck into Darry's hands (he was like a cat moving into that caress).

"Justin, you are too beautiful." Darry loved seeing the flush appear on Justin's face whenever he said that. A flush on the face that was eating M&Ms from Darry's stomach. It seemed fitting.

Justin rolled the entire surface of his tongue along Darry's stomach, tickling the curves of his muscles and finding a few scattered M&Ms along the way. Darry heard the soft crunches and watched Justin run his tongue over his teeth. He gave Darry a pained expression.

"Next time we should use something else, maybe those Candy Buttons. Those melt and are fruity, right?"

"There's going to be a next time?" Darry gasped. He wondered how on God's green earth he wasn't going insane or pinning Justin and ending the game with a win for both of them. (He liked to think of climaxing after torture was a win since he got a climax and Justin got to torture him and a free climax).

"You didn't think it would all be tame lovin, did you Darrel? Not that kinda boy. I need a little nourishment from this and candy seems fitting since I use so many calories and I'm already pretty skinny." Justin lifted himself a bit higher so Darry could see his ribs. Darry ran his hands along the exposed flesh and pulled Justin close, noting how his game face faded into a much more intense expression upon the proximity of Darry's eyes.

"It doesn't matter how skinny you are or aren't, you're beautiful." Darry kissed Justin and Justin was almost beaten by the sudden ardency in his strong lover.

Justin broke the kiss with a gasp as Darry rubbed a sore rib and his startled cry of pain made Darry bury his head in the smaller boy's shoulders. Justin trembled and buried his face in Darry's chest, his shuttering causing his shoulders to bump Darry.

"I'm sorry." Justin said, rubbing his cheek on Darry's chest and trying to contain his shivering. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Sometimes he just broke and couldn't stop shaking. He felt like his heart had been stopped and then shocked into life.

"You didn't do anything." Darry said. He was worried that his erection touching Justin would only press Justin's already shattered nerves but couldn't bring himself to move away. Not with Justin clutching at him and shaking, eyes shut trying to calm down enough to stave off tears.

"I love you."

"I know Justin." Darry said, withholding a very hearty sigh as he tried to tame his inner temperature. Justin's eyes wandered to Darry's shoulder and he chuckled, leaning close, pressing against Darry's stomach and waist and licking a slick of chocolate clean.

"You just don't know how much."

Justin propped himself up again and blinked.

"Now I really have no idea where I left off."

"There aren't any more M&Ms on me except that one." Darry said, resting his palms on Justin's shoulders as he slid lower on Darry's frame. The first M&Ms to claim Darry's sensitive head had slid off to his thighs.

"What one?" Justin wasn't that lost and Darry knew it.

"_That_ one." Darry said, arching slightly at his lover's stubborn streak.

"Ahhh, that one." Justin slid over Darry, his hips resting on Darry's as he took one from beside Darry's head on the pillow.

"I don't know how you got on up there but that was not it." Darry said, smiling up at Justin's face.

"It was in your hair last time I checked." Justin said.

"You really enjoy driving me crazy." Darry said in pure admiration.

"Yeah, it's the only skill I really enjoy." Justin said.

"You are too beautiful." Darry said.

"And you enjoy saying that solely for my reaction." Justin said.

"Yeah. It also makes me realize that you're the only beautiful thing I will always have." Darry rested his hand on the back of Justin's neck and Justin sighed.

"God you are amazing." Darry felt Justin's erection rise against his hips and chuckled.

"Well, let's see how good you really are at making me crazy."

"Still sound like a porno." Justin tsked at Darry again and slid lower, rubbing his hips until Darry put a hand over his eyes and groaned.

Justin swallowed as he came to Darry's, little Darry, and chuckled until he couldn't stop the laughter.

"What's so funny?" Justin's warm breath on little Darry was driving big Darry insane.

"I, I'm just weird. Your little Darry is a lot more patient than you are. Sensitive head my sensitive scalp." Darry leaned forward and gripped the back of Justin's neck, pulling him forward as gently as he could manage and kissed him until his little Darry didn't seem so patient. Justin gasped as Darry leaned back, releasing his grip.

"We both have patience for beauty and pleasure."

_Continue on to more boy lovin' and **leave me a review.**_


	14. Surprises

_Edited and polished in October 2006. Contains slash (boy hearts, seduces, has kinky food sex and loves boy). Mid sex scene, be warned._

Justin blinked and looked around. Somewhere in their rushes of motion the M&M had slipped off. Justin replaced it and sighed, rubbing Darry's thighs.

"Justin-"

"I know babe." Justin said, smiling. Darry was beyond gone and needy. He would beg if Justin asked. Justin wasn't that kind of torture artist.

Justin brought his mouth around Darry's head, breathing on it as his mouth surrounded it. No touch or contact of skin. Darry moaned and arched into Justin, disturbing the M&M. Justin took Darry's head into his mouth and swished his tongue around it. The M&M slid down his length as Justin took his mouth away, swallowing pre cum and noting Darry shaking in need.

"Leave it." Darry said, gasping.

"Come on babe, have a little fun."

"This is more fun than I can handle."

Darry's hands gripped his hair again, fingers massaging his scalp and drawing a groan from Justin. Darry's fingers trailed lower and a finger tickled Justin's neck. Justin trembled and drew a shivering breath. He flicked out his tongue, resting the entire surface of it on Darry's head. He ran his tongue down Darry's length to the soft patch of hair at the base and his tongue slid out further, snatching the M&M and leaving a patch of moisture. He used the tip of his tongue to rub the M&M back up along Darry's length. A red streak from the M&M made Justin groan. He slid his mouth over Darry's head again and stayed, his tongue doing a strange dance across the tip. Darry's soft chant of Justin's name validated Justin's efforts. His tenacious grip, his fingers curling into Justin's scalp were even more validating.

"Justin, more, please." Darry was begging without Justin even asking. Justin took his mouth from Darry.

"I know Darrel."

Justin took more of Darry into his mouth, pulsing his jaw along the length. He wouldn't have to do much because Darry was already hard and it looked like the right expression would push him over the edge.

The "expression" that drove Darry past the edge was Justin deep throating him with a sudden motion and explosive heat.

Justin felt Darry arch into him and he lifted himself up, following Darry to draw a painfully gratifying climax, watching Darry grip the sheet in one hand and the side of Justin's face, his fingers curling into Justin's hair. His facial expression was ecstasy and his body reflected the lost control that caused such pleasure. Darry moaned (Justin knew who the screamer was in their relationship) and came. Justin drank Darry's seed and kept sucking, cleaning him. He swallowed and coughed. Darry was immobile at the moment, like someone had socked him in the stomach and he'd fallen on the bed.

"Jesus, where the hell did you learn that?" Darry gasped, unable to move or release his grip of Justin's hair. Justin let Darry pull him closer once he regained control of his twitching limbs and rested his cheek on Darry's chest, hearing the thundering pulse of his heart.

"I could've asked you the same thing that first night but I was too polite."

"I wasn't that good." Darry said, shuddering.

"That's debatable." Justin said, rolling his eyes and trying to ignore the heat in his stomach and groin.

"You wanna keep going kid?" Darry asked, looking Justin up and down and resting a heavy arm on Justin's back and curling it around Justin's neck at the elbow, fingers tickling Justin's neck and drawing a flush from the younger boy.

"You want me to?" Justin asked.

"Why not?" Darry asked, eyebrow arched. "It looks like you want to."

"What do you want me to do?" Justin asked, feeling the not so soft rise and fall of Darry's chest as he propped himself up.

"Whatever you want to do." Darry said. Darry was sated but that only meant he wouldn't tell Justin he wanted to be taken. Justin groaned and rolled off of Darry. He would do his best to increase Darry's appetite.

"Well you're smart enough to guess." Justin said.

Darry rolled to his stomach and rested his head on the pillow, watching Justin. Justin slid onto Darry's back and rubbed his shoulders. Justin knew Darry was tense and was pretty sure having wild sex with a smaller, more flexible boy didn't help. Darry sighed in appreciation and Justin ran the heels of his palms over his shoulder blades.

"I didn't guess I'd get a free massage. Ow, dammit. I pulled that muscle a few weeks ago." Darry said, arching up as Justin's finger dug into his shoulder.

"A few weeks ago? It was in like, September wasn't it?"

"How did you know? I didn't even know you then." Darry said, groaning as the pain lessened under his lover's hands.

"Pony told me." Justin chuckled and his hands roamed to Darry's lower back. "I never pictured you as anything remotely similar to what you are." Justin said, calming himself before he dared come near Darry.

"I didn't hear a peep about you until 'I'm bringing a friend over today'."

"Don't you mean, 'Can I bring a friend over Darry? Please? I cleaned the house. We won't bother you. He certainly won't end up on top of you'." Justin chuckled and leaned almost off of the bed, reaching into his nightstand. Darry sighed as Justin's erection brushed his back.

"Maybe. I don't mind how it all turned out." Darry said. Justin leaned back, straddling Darry's hips as he rested his head on the pillow. Darry heard a cap unscrew and chuckled.

"I'm sure." Justin gasped at the coldness of the 'personal lubrication' and got some on his fingers. "Have you done this before?"

"Only with you and well, you should be giving me advice." Darry said, glancing over his shoulder at Justin. The sight of the smaller, thinner and submissive boy on top of Darry was intense and Darry took a deep breath.

"Take very deep breaths and relax." Justin said. Darry felt him lower on his back and his gentle fingers roamed.

"I figured that much." Darry gasped as Justin's finger slipped in him. He tensed on reflex.

"Such the smart ass some times Darrel. Relax. Breath. I have slender fingers, you will live and enjoy the experience."

"Thank God you have thin fingers." Darry gasped.

"You won't be thanking God for long if you don't relax. I don't have a thin, not fingers." Justin coughed and Darry chuckled, tension draining. Another finger and Darry shivered.

"I never thought I'd talk this much when I was being fucked." Darry muttered.

"And I'm sure you never thought you'd be on the bottom either. You're kind of a sucker. The M&Ms had an ulterior motive."

"Really?" Darry snorted.

"Well, I don't like chocolate and it's more fun to be on top if you think you won it Mr. 'Do Whatever the Hell You Want in Bed'." Justin's fingers stroked slower, stretching and drawing a moan from Darry.

"Letting you do whatever you want leads to the best results. I liked the M&Ms and you." Another finger and Darry hissed, flinching. He was used to muscle pain but this was a bit different.

"Me on top? I dunno." Darry's breath was as rapid as if he'd been bench-pressing his lover. (Although the idea of Justin perched on the bar instead of the weight made Darry blink and think a moment. Justin would look good gym wear.)

"So tell me, guru of being topped, does it always hurt?" Darry asked.

"Yeah but it is well worth it. Besides, you're bigger than me and I have one hell of a time after a minute of, adjusting. And I know when to wait. I'm not going to hurt you because I really can't."

"You could but you won't." Justin eased lower, pressing his head into Darry, feeling the rising rate of Darry's breath as his chest lowered to Darry's back. Justin snaked an arm under Darry's shoulders and offered his hand, palm up. Darry entwined their fingers and kissed Justin's fingers, his breath rasping in anticipation.

"I love you." Justin breathed, shutting his eyes at the beginning of new sensations as Darry's fingers pressed into his.

"I trust you."

Justin trembled as he eased further in, having to push despite his efforts to be gentle. Darry clenched his jaw against the pain and stifled a yelp as Justin pushed in. His hands parted Darry's legs a little further and his grip on Darry's hand was reassuring. He waited a long moment after the intended cry of pain. The warmth clutching at his length was making it hard to think and wait instead of pushing in and thrusting. Justin didn't know he could have that kind of latent desire and ardency to be the aggressor in the relationship. He certainly didn't know Darry would awaken it.

"I'm fine." Darry said.

"I can wait." Justin said, his free hand gripping Darry's waist near his hipbone, waiting to pull Darry up into him. His arm muscles were flexed and tensed in anticipation.

"I can't." Darry said.

Justin continued pushing in, fingers gripping into Darry's waist and stretching up to his stomach. He rested his face on Darry's shoulder, their cheeks touching. Justin moaned into Darry's ear, arching as he impaled Darry.

"Darry-"

"I think the moan said it all." Darry said, feeling his lover's steely grip on his stomach. Justin waited for him to adjust.

"God, you have no idea." Justin said, his voice barely containing the impending moan.

"What?" Darry said, feeling Justin's cheekbone as he rubbed his face along Darry's, keeping his waist still.

"You're, amazing."

"I'm not even doing anything." Darry chuckled and Justin moaned again. "Now my laughter is sexy?"

"God yes. Everything is sexy when I'm in you, you damn tight assed tease." Justin said, chuckling and shutting his eyes for a moment, making himself take slow breaths rather than panting like a dog in heat.

"When did being tight assed become a turn on? Didn't you hate the protectiveness associated with my tight assed-ness?"

"When I figured out that you were protecting me because you wanted me to be yours." Justin said, nuzzling Darry's neck and begging for this waiting period to pass before his seed did.

"I'm ready." Darry said.

"Thank God." Justin moaned. "I'll start as slow as I can."

"I think that would kill you." Justin sucked on Darry's neck, leaving a trail to his earlobe.

"I'll be good."

Justin brought his hips down against Darry, pressing into Darry and drawing a gasp. It was a good gasp. Justin kept close and pressed in, searching for a louder gasp. He found it and Darry's gasp turned into a moan as he thrust his hips back into Justin. Justin held him there and moaned. A long moment passed and Justin let Darry slid from his grip and he pulled out a bit, pushing in again and trying to hold off on his impending ecstasy, despite already hitting Darry's pleasure spot with every thrust. The tightness surrounding his erection was so intense Justin wanted to pound on Darry while chanting his name in between moans until he found release and fell off Darry to remain motionless for a period of twenty four hours with an 'oh my God that was insane' sex hang over. (The tendency for sentences that were a paragraph long and made little sense afterwards was also emphasized).

Darry tightened as Justin pulled out, clamping on Justin and Justin clenched his jaw, stifling the sound of pleasure that would've amounted to about three syllables of a voice-cracking whimper. Justin's grip on Darry's hand was only the pressure of his weight now as his hand regained its grip on Darry's hips as his fingers drew lines of pressure on Darry's stomach.

Justin pushed back in, moaning as the clamping muscles slid along his length. He dipped his hips in further and Darry moaned along with him.

"You can go faster." Darry said.

"You mean, 'go faster you damned tease'?" Justin asked, barely finding the air to form sentences or words or even access the alphabet.

"Too many words. Faster." Darry arched up into Justin and Justin moaned as his chin bumped on Darry's shoulder. Darry's ear was in range now. Justin sucked on his ear and thrust into him. It was a jerky stroke since it was faster than Justin had intended but Darry moaned. Justin concluded he was moaning for his poor, molested earlobe and went faster with even strokes, his hips and back stretching and curling.

Moans overpowered the quiet apartment and Justin found strength he didn't know he held in his petite frame as his entire body worked to thrust into Darry, his hips and back arching. Darry was amazed at the sensation of his lover moving inside him, touching parts of him that he didn't know existed for pleasure's sake.

Justin's entire frame tensed and Darry knew he was almost at the edge of his stamina. He'd contained his passion to make sure Darry knew the joys associated with being on the bottom and God, he was so hard Darry wondered if Justin was really as petite as he claimed.

"Justin, God, finish it." Darry said.

"What?" Justin asked, panting above Darry. Blood was pounding in his ears and his groin and he doubted his brain was getting anything.

"Take me."

Justin's climax came a moment after Darry's, an underlying moan accompanying the clenching on his length that drove him insane. Justin was still gasping as he pulled out of Darry, trembling in pure fatigue since he'd just spent all of his energy for the next week. Darry moaned as Justin withdrew, a quiet whimper as his head slid from Darry. He collapsed to one side of Darry, only taking the motion (the falling motion) to get on his back and pant.

"Darry, I, that was, insane." Justin blinked and let the layer of sweat settle. Darry chuckled and pulled him close.

"Well, you are amazing. And you drive me fucking insane."

"Join the club."

Darry kissed Justin's forehead, tasting the salt from their efforts and smiled. He looked over the trembling, exhausted body and the content expression on his lover and he ran his hand through Justin's hair. He pulled a few strands away from Justin's forehead and traced his collarbone down to his ribs.

"I'm ticklish." Justin said, blinking his hazy eyes at Darry.

"I know." Darry said, tracing a scar on his arm to his shoulder. He kissed Justin's neck and pulled him even closer.

"I was thinking about something." Justin said, eyes still hazy as he fluttered his dark lashes and let lassitude grip him.

"Oh?" Darry said, tilting Justin's chin up with a finger and kissing his throat, letting his mouth slide over his Adams apple.

"You're beautiful." Justin said. Darry almost laughed since Justin was using _his_ lines now but refrained, seeing the very soft sincerity in Justin's eyes.

"Justin-"

"I'm serious. All your life people called you handsome and athletic and a million other things but no one has ever called you beautiful." Justin said.

"I could say the same thing about you." Darry said, looking into Justin's eyes.

"But you don't know that I would say the same. Now you do." Justin said, bringing his hand up to rest on the side of Darry's cheek.

"I love you Justin."

"I know. I love you Darry."

"I know." Darry said, smiling.

"You are beautiful." Justin said, eyes shutting.

"I know now."

"Darry?" Justin asked.

"Yeah?" Justin's expression changed to long-suffering, a heavy layer of sexual exhaustion undermining the pity Darry would've felt otherwise.

"I really don't like M&Ms."

(la la la)

Darry sighed as the furry head shifted on his chest. Justin's side burns that Darry could barely see, tickled him as the boy slept. He ran his fingers over Justin's face as lightly as he could and noticed the shift of Justin's facial expression. Either his touch wasn't light or Justin was very perceptive. He wasn't perceptive enough to wake up. He looked exhausted and Darry had never known his grip to be so tight as his frame overlapped Darry's. His head was laid heavily on Darry's collarbone and Darry ran his hand through Justin's hair.

Darry blinked at Justin and sighed. God he was so small. He still wore bruises from his last living arrangement. Darry blinked. Was it seeing Justin hurt that made Darry look at him closer? Maybe. Maybe it was that strange look in his eyes that meant so much. He'd told Darry that he trusted him more than anyone else and anything else would be Darry wanting to get to know Justin. It had been Darry but Justin had always had the ability to love Darry. Why didn't he act on it more? Darry blinked at him again. He was used to getting hurt. He was too scared to do anything unless he knew Darry wanted a relationship. Darry chuckled. Justin would never think Darry would want a relationship and Justin would've thought Darry's reaction would be violent.

"Justin?" Darry said.

"Hmm?" Justin murmured and shut his eyes tighter.

"Can I leave you for long enough to make breakfast?" Darry kissed his forehead and he twitched.

"It's too early. You're five o clock shadow is way early." Justin said.

"Late. I thought you'd like the scruffy look."

"I wasn't complaining." Justin said. He hadn't opened his eyes yet.

"What made you love me?" Darry asked.

"You did."

"What does that mean?" Darry asked.

"You're Darry. I love you because you're Darry." Justin said. If Darry wanted more of an explanation he'd have to ask when Justin had been awake longer.

"But I don't act like this around other people."

"But you're still Darry." Justin said.

"Okay."

"Why do you love me?" Justin asked, yawning and burrowing into Darry for warmth.

"Because you're Justin." Darry said.

"That sense of humor is just killing me." Justin said.

"I liked how intense you seemed but you're so much different with me. I love that too."

"So you like that I have multiple personalities? Hmm. Interesting." Justin chuckled.

"I like surprises."

Justin's eyes shot open and he laughed out loud.

_Edited and polished yay. Will add a couple of chapters at the end so it behooves you to read on._


	15. Lost

Author: Couple things, I love you all for your reviews. You are all so awesome… sniffles Johncenaluver, the anonymous "slutboy" (you made me laugh soooo hard), Soliteyah, Redrose, iluvthecheat you all are awesome. And everyone else who reviewed in prior chappies. You roc too. And thanks to Sara for reading over the last chappies.

But this chappie is special.

I'm sorry.

Violence, no lovin, and some issues…

I used exacerbate because I remember hearing my ancient history teacher say it and it made me think dirty slashy thoughts…

Also, line about already in hell did indeed come from a Papa Roach song… please don't make fun of me. I'm done…

Justin pouted a little when Darry left for work but his pouting was perfunctorily since Darry had made their morning more interesting by involving the kitchen table and the fact they were both in their underwear. Justin wondered if he was ever going to be able to keep a straight face after seeing Darry in his "I'm gonna get some hot tail tonight" underwear.

Justin yawned and realized it was a week until Christmas and he hadn't bought a single gift. He swore aloud and hit his head on the wall. He blinked and thought a long minute. Shower. Wash sheets. (Those two necessities didn't need an explanation in his mind). Which first? Justin blinked and grimaced. Sheets in while he showered. He would probably benefit from a cold shower anyway.

Justin wondered if Darry liked that he took care of his own apartment. None of the other guys cleaned much and Darry had to in their house or it wouldn't get done. Justin fell trying to get the fitted sheet off and stayed on the floor. Oh yeah, Darry would enjoy that.

Justin smiled. Darry left his sweatshirt. Smart boy. Justin didn't usually wear jackets. The first time Darry saw Justin with a jacket was probably one Darry put on him.

Justin shivered and jogged out to his truck. He tried not to think about making out in the truck at some point (that's what a truck was for) and wondered why he was so horny this particular morning. Maybe it was Darry's underwear.

Justin drove to the Curtis house out of habit and knocked. A very disgruntled Soda appeared at the door and blinked.

"You knock? I thought we were being served or something. Come in bud. You look like you're freezing." Soda's arm came around his shoulder and Justin followed him to the kitchen.

"Did I wake you?" Justin asked. It was ten in the morning. They would usually be awake and hollering by now.

"Yeah. Without Darry we have no wake up system." Soda grinned and sat at the kitchen table.

"Want me to cook something?" Justin asked.

"Naw. What are you fixing on doing today?"

"Shopping. I just remembered what time of the year it is." Justin said.

"Mind if I tag along? Pony went with Two Bit somewhere. I'm kinda bored." Soda blinked up at Justin and Justin smiled.

"I see. I'm the last resort?" Justin pouted and Soda chuckled, standing up and pulling him into a very gentle headlock, his elbow brushing Justin's collarbone.

"Only on boring days." Soda said.

"Go get dressed you bum." Justin said as Soda let him go.

"Can I drive?" Soda asked.

"If you promise to only hit things that deserve it."

"So a nativity scene is outta line?"

"I don't think baby Jesus deserves death by teenager truck driver."

Justin dozed off while Soda drove (he wondered how tired he was for that to happen). Justin was half asleep when his truck stopped and he remembered why he needed to talk to Soda.

"Shit." Justin muttered.

"Come on sunshine. Let's go shopping." Soda shook his knee and he slid out of the car.

"What should I get Two Bit?" Justin asked.

"You work at a bar. You figure it out." Soda chuckled as they walked around the strip mall.

"Pony probably wants books right?" Justin asked, glancing at Soda.

"Yeah." Soda's sparkling chocolate eyes danced. "Was Darry with you last night?" Justin opened the door to the bookstore, wincing at the clattering bells hitting the glass.

"Didn't he tell you?" He asked, blinking. Soda didn't mean it the way Justin heard it.

"He said he was going out to get plastered. I figured he'd get a discount if he went with you." Soda said, skipping in beside Justin.

"He ended up crashing on my couch."

"Did it look like he had fun?" Soda asked.

"Yeah. He got to work on time too, I made sure." Justin smiled at Soda and Soda flashed a grin that could've knocked the entire female population to the ground. Especially the bookstore crowd.

"That's a good Short stuff." Soda teased.

"What kind of book would Pony want?" Justin asked, blinking. They should probably hurry their business since the teller was watching them and waiting to see which one of them was going to stuff a book down their pants.

"Any book." Soda said.

"So insightful." Justin looked up at the shelf and stood on his toes to read it. _Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm. _

"You are short." Soda said, furrowing his eyebrow and looking Justin over.

"I am not short."

"Then reach for that book you were looking at." Soda said, smiling. Justin narrowed his eyes and stretched. He felt like if he leaned on the shelf it would tip since it looked older than the cashier that would be glaring at them if he wasn't dozing off. He couldn't reach it.

"Don't laugh at my disability." Justin said.

"I just think it's funny that you're so short." Soda said.

"Let's see you get it, hot stuff. And five seven is not short."

"And you, my filthy lying Greaser, are not five seven."

"Go on and get it then, friendly book fetching giant that you are." Justin said.

"I can't reach it either but I have the brain power to get it." Soda said.

"You can't use your head powers to make the book come down Soda. You shouldn't believe everything Two Bit tells you." Justin said.

"I'm not gonna use my head." Soda said, smiling.

"What are you thinking?" Justin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm thinking that you're too short, and I'm too short but-" Soda swooped on Justin and threw him to his shoulders; Justin clutched his shoulders and started protesting as his legs tightened around Soda. "together we are indeed a friendly, book fetching giant."

"Put me down before the old man senile sees us." Justin said, clutching at Soda to keep his balance and restraining his laughter as Soda stepped closer to the bookshelf.

"Get the book and we'll talk."

"I'm going to end up on the floor, aren't I?" Justin asked, wavering on Soda's shoulders.

"Yep." Soda started walking around the store and Justin teetered on his shoulders.

"We're going to tip something over."

"That's the plan. Where was that book?"

"Where you picked me up. Hurry up, old man river is starting to wake up." Justin said.

"Hurry, you say?" Soda jogged and Justin was clutching his shoulders.

"Jesus-"

"The sooner you get the book, the sooner we get to that point." Soda said. Justin reached forward, resting one hand on Soda's shoulder for balance. It was a big book and he almost dropped it. It hit Soda's shoulder and Soda groaned.

"Sorry-" Justin spoke and felt Soda lurch.

"Ouch. That hurt something awful. I think I'm going fall down." Soda was shaking with laughter and Justin gripped his shoulders, his legs tightening.

"Don't do it."

"Already done." Soda lurched and sent Justin to the floor. Soda fell with him and the book wedged into their ribs between them,

"Oww." Justin said, more because of the book than Soda's proximity. He was very close to Justin and laughing.

"I've missed hanging around with you." Soda said, smiling down at Justin.

"I missed you too. I miss all of you guys." Justin said. Soda sat up and picked the book of Justin's chest. He sat crossed legged and opened the book, flipping through some pages and glancing at the illustrations.

"Why did you move out then?" Soda asked, blinking. Justin sat up and rubbed his spine, cracking his shoulders.

"Darry didn't tell you what happened?"

"Darry doesn't say anything about you. We all just assume he doesn't know anything either." Soda said, blinking.

"My brother found me there."

"So?" Soda asked.

"I don't want to see my brother ever again." Justin said.

"So by leaving us you think you can avoid him?" Soda asked. He looked hurt.

"I didn't intend to leave you. I came back." Justin said, smiling.

"Come back more often."

Justin spent the rest of the day with Soda and eventually Pony and Two Bit came back. Pony flushed the instant he saw Justin and Justin blinked up at him. (He really didn't know if the flush was because of what happened between them or if it was because Justin had his ankles over the back of the couch with his head almost touching the floor). He rolled onto his stomach and let the blood ease from his head. He really couldn't explain why Soda had dared him to watch the television sitting like that or why he'd done it. He felt like he'd downed a twelve pack of cheap beer and had yet to come down.

"Hey Pony." Justin said. He knew he was grinning like he was indeed beyond inebriated but the egg nog that was a few days past the pole date was getting to him.

"Hey Justin."

"Justin is here?" Two Bit hollered and Justin wondered what was so exciting about that. He heard thundering foot steps and groaned as Two Bit jumped over the couch and pinned him.

"Hi Two Bit." Justin said.

"Where you been little buddy? Can't ring in the holidays without the bartender." Two Bit ruffled his hair and Justin chuckled. Two Bit shook him a little and bounded around before settling in beside him.

"I work tonight. You all could come with me."

"We might get you a noise complaint." Two Bit said, grinning and putting his arm around Justin's shoulders.

"_A _noise complaint?" Justin asked, smiling.

"That sounds like a party." Soda said.

"I don't know." Pony said.

"We'll bring Darry and he'll have to let you go." Soda said. Pony sat next to Soda and glanced at Justin.

"It'll be fun Pony." Justin said, smiling. Pony nodded and sat next to Justin. Justin yawned and leaned back.

"When is Darry coming home?" Pony asked.

"Five probably. When do you go to work Justin?" Soda asked, blinking at the boy as he yawned.

"A couple hours. I should probably sleep."

"You can go sleep in me and Pony's room." Soda offered. "You look beat."

"Yeah." Justin got up and walked to the bedroom. He curled into Pony's bed and yawned, wondering if he was only confusing Pony more.

Justin woke to someone saying his name and blinked, looking up. Pony was looking very uncomfortable and blinked his honey green eyes at Justin.

"It's been a couple of hours." Pony said.

"Ahh. Thanks Pony." Justin got up and stretched, hearing a few cracks. "You coming with me?"

"Soda isn't going until Darry gets here." Pony said.

"Come with me." Justin said.

"Are you sure?" Pony asked.

"Yeah. You're still my friend Pony. You know that. And you don't have to get plastered if you don't want to. It's over rated when you wake up and think you're dying."

Justin drove to his work and let Pony in, setting him at the bar on a stool. Pony calmed down when the music wasn't thundering and the lights weren't dimmed beyond any visual aid. Justin walked into the stock room and started to find one of the female bartends stretching on the floor. She was doing the splits and leaned forward, putting her arms out in front of her.

"Can you teach me to do that Shawny?" Justin said, stepping over her to get some sort of exotic alcohol that he needed to make the happy hour special.

"It would take you a while to get this limber." She stuck her tongue out.

"I beg to differ." Justin said.

"Try it." She said. Justin plopped down across from her.

"Where did you learn this?" Justin asked.

"I stretch a lot. It helps me relax."

"And I thought that was why we worked at a bar." Justin almost made it the same position Shawny was in but stopped, feeling a tug that wasn't a pleasant one.

"You're pretty flexible for a boy. I could get you to go further."

"What is this good for though?" Justin asked.

"Sex." Shawny said, getting up and walking behind Justin.

"Are you serious? How-" Justin thought a minute and felt his flush. "Oh."

"You're so cute some times. Found a girl friend yet?" Shawny was pushing on his legs and thighs and stretching him further.

"Not looking."

"Boy friend?"

"Not looking." Justin said.

"Who did you bring with you?"

"My friend Pony. I invited some friends to come and get toasted. It is the holiday season. How come you can get me to this position and I can't get there myself?" Justin's legs were spread perpendicularly to his torso and he blinked. It would be good for sex.

"You'll be able to do it eventually. I'll help you. This might get you a girl friend. Or a boyfriend." She said smiling. "Can you get up?"

"Yeah." He got up and blinked. "And I thought I'd hurt myself if I ever tried."

"Learn something new everyday."

Justin showed Pony where the bathroom was after he'd downed two Cokes and went to serve some drinks. One of the customers was asking questions about the content of the drinks (Justin hated those questions since they were too filled with the drinks to understand what went in them). He started when thick arms came around his stomach and pulled him back.

"Hey Short stuff." Darry said, swinging Justin in his arms.

"Hey Superman." Justin said, feeling a brush of Darry's lips on his neck that went unnoticed.

"The gang is coming in to get soaring drunk. I'm staying sober for the drive home. And other things." Darry set him down and grinned.

"Good. Come up to the bar and pull up a stool. Pony is here too. Drinking Cokes. Best watch him, gonna be a binge drinker some day." Justin smiled.

"Just scared to drink without my permission I'm sure." Darry said.

"I was only waiting until the party started." Pony flushed and Darry put his arm around Pony, pulling him into a headlock and giving him a Dutch rub.

"Let's start partying." Darry said.

Justin sent the gang home with some expensive dessert wine and vodka for an after party and got ready to leave. He spent ten minutes looking for his keys before his boss pulled them out of his back pocket and told him to go home and sleep.

Justin walked out to his truck and fumbled with his keys some more. He was always shaking and that just made keys all the harder to handle. He dropped them and swore.

"Hate to lose those." Justin hated how he jumped at the sound of his brother's voice. Robbie had picked the keys up and jangled them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Justin drew his face into a scowl.

"I just wanted to chat. I told you last time our parents are back together. And yes, I said ours to annoy you baby brother."

"How mature." Justin wished his heart would stop pounding against his ribs. Robbie might be able to hear it at some point.

"I know. But it's the holiday season Justin. Do you know what that means?"

"Traditionally you don't jump family members in dark parking lots." Justin said.

"Oh, I'm a family member now?" Robbie said, smiling.

"Can't pick your family." Justin said.

"But your friends can pick you. How is that beast anyway? What's his name, Darrel? He's big. You complained about me but you must scream for him-"

"Don't-" Justin stopped when headlights added their biting glow to the faded afterglow of the streetlight.

"Don't look so startled. You didn't think I'd chat with you alone again? I get hurt." Justin watched three guys get out of the car.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking it would be a great Christmas present to get your parents their baby boy back."

"That isn't ever going to happen." Justin said.

"Maybe. But I'm sure after tonight you'll think living with me is a much better alternative." Robbie said.

"No."

"You'll change your mind eventually babe." Robbie's associates looked nervous and threw skeptical glances at Justin.

"You said there'd be more of um."

"I thought there would be. Where are you friends anyway? Send them home early?"

"Go to hell." Robbie grinned and jangled Justin's keys again.

"I'm sure I will."

"Robbie, are you sure you want us to-"

"Yes damn it." Robbie snapped at his lackey. "I'm sure he is more than small enough for the three of you to handle even if I wasn't here."

Justin looked at his reluctant opponents. They didn't look especially rich or poor and had none of the associated mannerisms. But God one of them was big.

"All right little man." One of them jeered half-heartedly.

Justin was in the midst of one hell of a fight. He knew he was doing better than Robbie expected because over the deafening shuffle, he heard his brother swearing at his lack luster groupies. And as Steve had once said, Justin was scrappy. He was being vicious and he knew it. He was exacerbating the situation and inciting his hesitate attackers. His knuckles burned and his breath was rasping. Someone hit him in the ribs, hard. It went downhill.

Justin knew he could not let himself hit the ground. He wouldn't get up. He didn't really have a choice. He was slammed to the ground and before he could recover, someone's boot put a dent in his ribs. (He consoled himself later that it wasn't actually a dent, just a fracture).

"Stop, stop, get him against the truck." Robbie snapped. Justin lost control at that. Whatever he needed to be held down for wouldn't be pleasant.

He was slammed up against his truck, his knees at the height of the wheel wells and his head bounced off the window. His tenacious, painfully accurate fighting exasperated his assailants. One of them clapped his hands around Justin's neck. Justin's long buried and dormant fear of his brother resurfaced with painful acuity and his attacker's proximity made it obvious he felt like he was fighting for his life.

In hindsight, Justin realized his brother had been out of sight for far too long.

However, that wasn't his thought when a crowbar slammed into his kneecap.

He didn't know if he screamed or not but he doubted having sufficient oxygen to do so. His feet hit the pavement and he was past any reasonable train of thought except causing them pain.

He succeeded in inflicting some more pain but his brother kicked the back of his knee and he folded like a priest at a high stakes poker table.

He was kicked repeatedly and then pinned to the ground on his stomach. He struggled when his shirt was lifted off his back and didn't dare think why. His continual resistance and sharp hits weren't making anyone happy. His struggling paused when someone dug their knee into his. He screamed into the wet pavement and tried to buck the big one off him.

"Shut him up and hold him down."

Justin couldn't scream when a calloused hand hit the back of his neck and a chain necklace was slid around his neck. It was thick and heavy. He knew what was coming. Someone pulled up, jerking his head back and the chain was pulled taut against his Adams apple. His hands went to his neck and he knew his eyes must be lolling.

"Get the knife." Justin bucked and struggled and screamed when one of them jumped on his shoulders, slamming them to the ground and stepping off a moment after. The chain was pulled tighter. He heard the click of a switchblade. The knife plunged into the small of his back, tracing his spine to just below his shoulder blades. The flesh artist then curved two lines to cross his shoulder blades, arching out from the original line.

Then everything was very quiet. Justin couldn't struggle anymore. He felt a hand run up the bleeding gash and moaned. Robbie rolled him over and put a blood-smeared hand around his throat.

"I really hope you've learned something."

He waited until the whites of Justin's eyes were wide and let go, standing up. He took the keys from his pocket and stepped to Justin's truck. He made an identical pattern on his truck door. Justin listened to the grating sounds and saw flecks of paint flutter off his truck. Robbie dropped the keys.

"I may be going to hell, but you're already there."

Justin waited long after the car left. He didn't want to move until some of the pain at least dulled. It only dulled for the cold. Justin pushed himself to a sitting position with a very cautious pace. He knew he was going to be fragile for a while. What was he supposed to do after that? Hospital. The blood running down his back in pints was making him shiver. That probably needed attention. He doubted being able to put weight on his knee but he needed to call his friends. He couldn't drive himself to the hospital. He groaned at how sad that was.

Justin pulled himself up on his truck and realized just how much of a beating he took. Every muscle was twitching and his entire frame was trembling. His breathing hitched in his chest and his attempt to put weight on his knee left him on the ground again. Justin hobbled to the pay phone and called the Curtis household. He needed them. God he needed them. He leaned on the booth and gripped the phone, wondering if he'd pass out.

"Hello?" Steve answered.

"Hey Steve."

"Hey little buddy. Whatcha need?" Steve asked.

"I need someone to come pick me up. I need to go to the hospital." Justin said.

"Where are you?" Thank God Steve knew when not to ask questions.

"Work."

"We'll be right there buddy."

Justin hung up and let his breathing heave. God everything hurt. He hobbled to his truck and sat on the bumper. That was only for the benefit of not scaring whoever came to pick him up.

Justin groaned when he saw Steve's car pull in. Full of the people he needed to be there but he was going to bleed on Steve's car. The car was barely out of gear before Darry, Steve and Soda were out of the car. They huddled around Justin while Two Bit and Pony stood a few paces off.

"What's wrong little buddy?" Steve asked. Justin liked Steve more now. They understood each other now and Steve's gruffer moments translated into a more palpable form of interaction. Justin thought about the question.

"My knee is fucked. My back is bleeding. I need stitches and I can't walk." Justin said.

"What happened?" Darry asked, glancing at the blood on his throat. Justin thought for a long moment. He really didn't know how to explain it. Pony came closer and put a blanket around his shoulders. His awkward pat on the arm was comforting.

"Can we just go? I can't explain it right now." Soda nodded and Justin leaned on him and Steve.

The hospital stay was long and Justin wasn't very pleased with it. Stitching him up took way too long. X rays were a painfully long drawn process. The paper work would kill an over paid temp and he had to send Steve to get money with Justin's ATM card. After all that, the bill was exorbitant. Busted kneecap, fractured ribs and a hell of a lot of stitches. The only high point was that they gave Justin numbing goo for his back and a brace for his knee. And very strong pain medication.

Justin sat in the car very quietly on the ride to the Curtis house. If anyone wasn't sober (he knew they must've been a little tipsy) they weren't admitting it. Justin leaned on Pony and Soda to walk in the house and Darry then carried him into his room where everyone hovered.

"Well, we might as well get piss drunk. I know I sent some expensive liquor home with you all and I don't want it to be in vain." Justin said. He knew it would take a lot of dessert wine to make him forget that his back was on fire. He rolled to his stomach and Pony touched his arm.

"Want some ice?"

"That'd be good." Justin said. Darry hovered and leaned in to speak to Justin.

"That medicine can't be taken with booze kiddo."

"I know." Darry sighed and Justin wondered if that meant he was going to wake up to a lecture.

Justin could find the humor in drinking wine out of plastic cups after downing three said cups.

Justin woke up and groaned, pulling a pillow over his head. He would've believed his head wasn't attached if a throbbing pain didn't tell him there was probably a line of bruises. He touched his neck and almost screamed. The chain still hung around his neck. He glanced at the digital clock and immediately regretted it since it was time for Darry to go to work and the glaring red digits were burned into his retinas.

"Darry?" Justin looked around and realized Darry was up and getting dressed.

"I'm up. I'm thinking of staying home."

"No." Justin batted at his general direction.

"We need to talk little man." Darry sounded gruffer than his usual tone and Justin reluctantly poked his head out. He tried to follow Darry with his eyes and put his hands over his eyes, sitting up.

"Then stop moving." Justin immediately regretted drawing Darry's direct, focused attention. Darry had stopped and was buttoning his shirt.

"I want to know why you reacted like this." Darry gestured at Justin and Justin blinked.

"Can I have a translator?"

"Listen to me." Darry said. He reached for his belt from his dresser and pulled it on.

"I am listening." Justin said. Justin glanced at Darry as he tightened his belt.

"Then listen carefully. How old are you?" Justin thought a moment. No one ever asked him that. "Answer me little man."

"I'm almost seventeen."

"You are sixteen. You're sixteen and you don't have a family you can trust. You're sixteen and you work at a bar. You're sixteen and your brother beat the tar out of you last night. You're sixteen and your response was to get tanked."

"What would you rather me do?" Justin asked, standing with painful effort and leaning on the bedside table.

"Act like a adult."

"What happened to 'you're sixteen'? How would an adult who works at a bar react?" Darry came close, clenching his jaw.

"Do you know how young you looked last night?" Darry looked into his eyes and begged for understanding.

"So?"  
"So? You never look young. Not when you're asleep, not when you're awake, not ever. Do you know why you looked young?"

"Darry-"

"You looked young because you lost yourself Justin. And you aren't going to find yourself in a bottle of over priced liquor." Darry turned away from Justin.

"Why would it matter that I'm young Darry?" Darry turned to Justin and gripped his elbows.

"I wonder if you're too young."

Darry watched Justin lose himself again.


	16. Tragedy and Temptation

Justin ended up back at his apartment and collapsed on his couch. Everything hurt but God he didn't want to do anything about it because moving hurt. Breathing hurt too now that he was taking inventory. He wondered how he was supposed to sleep after all that. He glanced at the brown paper bag he'd taken with him. Pain medication and some antibiotic for the stitches and his neck. His neck was on fire and the chain still rubbed against it. He looked again. Another bottle, smaller with bigger pills. Sedatives. He wondered why he'd gotten those. He glanced at the prescription and realized it wasn't his. He didn't mind.

Justin found his nightmares in a bottle of over priced liquor and prescription medication.

It was dark and Justin was cold. Weight was pressing against him, straddled on his hips as he lay stomach down, and it was starting to make him ache. Eventually he would start going numb but not before it hurt like hell. He struggled against the weight and heard a chuckle.

"I missed you too." The heavy clunk of a thick glass bottle of liquor made Justin flinch. Robbie wasn't a shot glass kind of man. Straight from the bottle.

"Get off me Robbie." God his voice sounded young.

"Why?" This dialogue was so familiar. Every time Justin's door creaked open late at night or when his parents were out or drunk into a stupor. Robbie's lead hands pressed into Justin's shoulders, pushing him down in place.

"This isn't right." Justin tried to shuck him off and was rewarded with his brother's knee cracking against the small of his back. Justin whimpered against his clenched teeth and Robbie laughed, no attempt to muffle the pervasive laughter of a very sick boy.

"Are we done with the moral considerations or is this going to be hard?"

"Get off me." Justin hissed, clenching his jaw tighter as Robbie put pressure on his neck, pressing him against the bed.

"What happened to letting me love you?" Robbie laughed again and moved to cover Justin's frame with his own. He slid his mouth to Justin's ear, his breath was laced with vodka as he whispered. "I think we both enjoyed that time more." Robbie sank his teeth into Justin's shoulder and Justin screamed.

Justin woke screaming and off the couch, sweating and quaking when the door to his apartment slammed open.

"Justin!" Darry the Superman just busted Justin's front door in.

"What the fuck are you doing here Darrel?" Justin snapped.

"I heard you screaming. What's going on?" Darry looked around and it took him a moment to register that was not a friendly greeting.

"Nothing." Justin was shaking more violently than Darry had ever seen and he was on the floor, white and sweating.

"I don't believe you." Darry said.

Justin used the couch to stand up, his stance beyond shaken. He looked like he might fall at the drop of a pin. He immediately turned his back to Darry and walked to the kitchen. Darry followed him, shutting the front door. He'd spent the entire day at work debating what to do about the mess he made. He wasn't sure he made the right choice. He stopped at the coffee table next to the couch and picked up the bottle of vodka Justin had obviously been drinking. He glanced at the scattered bottles of medicine and his free fist clenched. He gripped the neck of the bottle until his knuckles were white and walked to the kitchen. Justin was leaning on his elbows against the counter, hands in his hair.

"Justin-"

"Why are you here?" Justin couldn't believe he'd slept for so many hours. It was obvious Darry had been at work and the clock on the antique of an oven said it was past five. He felt sick. He didn't want to look at Darry. It hurt so much.

"I came to check on you."

"What have I told you about protecting me?"

"You aren't mine anymore. You're just a little boy who doesn't know how to keep his ass out of trouble." Darry slammed the bottle to the counter without shattering it. He was getting closer to Justin.

"If I'm not yours than you shouldn't be here checking on me even if I am a little boy." Justin said. He was being quiet and Darry's voice was rocking the inside of his head.

"Well I certainly can't protect you."

"Damn straight. You really don't know what you'd be protecting me from or you wouldn't be here." Justin shook his head.

"What the hell does that mean little man?" Justin's tight-lipped expression turned to a snarl. Darry was getting closer again and hovered behind him.

"That means you've done the most damage Superman and I don't want you."

"I've done the most damage? What about you? You're popping pills and bingeing like you were born with a shot glass and health insurance. What do you think that does to me?"

"It shouldn't do anything if I'm not yours."

"Justin-" Darry stepped closer so he overshadowed Justin and Justin gripped the counter. Darry brought his hands to Justin's shoulders and Justin jerked away, pushing past Darry.

"Don't touch me." Darry exhaled in a scoff.

"That's original. 'Don't touch me' after you get your ass kicked." Darry knew he just said the worst thing he could have ever uttered.

"Fuck off and go home Darrel." Justin turned his back to Darrel and took two steps before Darry grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. His back hit the table and Darry stared at him.

"Don't turn your back on me."

"Why shouldn't I?" Justin snapped.

"Why are you doing this?" Darry got the bottle, stepping away from Justin.He read the label. Strong shit.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's hurting you." Darry said.

"There isn't a person in this room who gives a damn about that right now Darrel." Justin said.

"I do care." Darry said.

"I don't believe you."

Justin realized that was the worst thing he could've said when the glass bottle shattered on the floor and Darry's back faced him, tensed and angry.

"Leave Darrel."

Justin proceeded to throw up the remaining contents of the vodka and medication. He heard his door slam a long while ago.He stayed on the bathroom floor, a trembling mess of too much medication. He was sure all the contents of his stomach finding a new home in the toilet bowl wasn't good for his ribs either but he didn't care. He would care later when his physical pains overcame the proverbial emotional rumble he'd just experienced. He hid his face in his hands until his vision became black and he could only feel the tears sliding through his fingertips.

Darry was beyond annoyed when he came home. Pony was reading on the couch and he knew Darry was enraged. It seemed like it went beyond anger this time.

"Something wrong?"

"I visited Justin." Darry clenched his fists and exhaled.

"What's going on with him?" Pony asked.

"He's worse."

"What's wrong with him?" Pony asked.

"He's upset. Didn't want anything to do with me." Pony wondered why that seemed to bother Darry more than anything else.

"Want me to go see him?" Pony asked.

"I dunno. He needs someone to take care of him." Pony wondered why that someone wasn't Darry. He'd noticed at the hospital that Darry seemed to be a source of comfort for Justin. When Justin was getting the stitches in his back, Darry was at the head of his bed, holding his hand. Justin buried his face in Darry's hands when the stitches went deeper, closer to the bone and Pony wasn't the one to notice how familiar the gesture was to Darry. He wondered what would drive Justin to push Darry away.

"Can I take your truck?" Darry handed him the keys.

"Be careful. I yelled at him. He isn't going to be in a very good mood."

"All right."

Pony knocked and then opened the door. Justin probably wasn't going to get up and answer the door. He glanced at the kitchen floor, broken glass and it smelled like vodka. He quickened his pace and hoped Justin was okay.

"Justin?"

Pony heard a groan from the bathroom and opened the door. Justin was curled on the floor and covered his face with his hands. Pony sighed and helped Justin up, admiring the wiry strength it took for Justin to lean on the counter and not fall. Justin splashed frigid water on his face and coughed.

"Are you all right?"

"I'll live. Could you help me to my room?" Justin must've been hurting to ask for help immediately.

"Yeah." Pony braced most of his weight and helped him to his bedroom. He eased the smaller boy on the bed and noticed he immediately rolled to his stomach. Those stitches must've hurt.

"Thanks Pony. What are you doing here?"

"I brought your some groceries and stuff. I was worried about you. You left pretty fast this morning." Pony shuffled his feet.

"I'm sorry. Darry was yelling at me about something. Needed to go before it got worse." Justin said.

"It's cool. I'm gonna clean up the bottle and bring in the stuff-"

"Pony, you don't have to-"

"I know Darry threw it." Justin blinked. How much did that mean Pony knew? Justin wondered if he could tell Pony. He wondered how right it was to keep his involvement with Darry a secret from Pony. Past involvement. Justin groaned and buried his head in his pillow.

Pony came back in with a glass of iced soda, ice, the paper bag of medications and a book. He sandwiched Justin's knee in ice and Justin sighed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not great." Pony noticed that the stitches looked red and Justin's neck looked worse than last night.

"Should I put this cream stuff on you? It says it's for pain."

"Yeah. That'd be very helpful." Pony handed him the glass of soda and he drank some.

"Have you been sick?"

"Yeah. Too much medicine I think."

Justin pulled his shirt off, resting stomach down on his bed and waiting for Pony's undoubtedly cold hands to descend with the numbing remedy to his pain. His shoulders were shaking with a pathetic need for attention since he couldn't reach his wounds to tend them. Pony couldn't help but stare and wondered if it made Justin uncomfortable. He realized Justin's discomfort was based solely on pain; morning was for sexual tension.

Justin waited for Pony to apply the strange cream. It was almost as painful as the wounds themselves to need someone to treat them. Helplessness was not a fond position for Justin. Justin twitched as Pony put some of the cream on his back. It was already making him numb.

"Darry said you and him were fighting. What's going on?" Justin noticed that Pony's hand had wandered from the stitches and his tapered fingers were running over his bare shoulder blades. He stayed very still under the questionable contact.

"Nothing. He's trying to be my parent."

"He does care about you." Pony said. His fingers brushed against Justin's neck and Justin shuddered.

"That's debatable."

"He does. You saw the way he was hovering around you at the hospital. He just wants to make sure you're all right." Justin buried his head in his hands.

"I don't know."

"I think he loves you."

Justin started to sob into his hands. Silent sobs that made him shudder more. Darry used to love him.

"I brought a book. Want me to read it to you?" Pony's hands were off of Justin and Justin was glad.

"Sure." Justin chuckled. How comforting such a simple thing was. Pony didn't know Justin was crying or why he would. He shouldn't know either. Justin wouldn't tell him.

Justin slid closer to Pony, resting very close to Pony's warm frame. He listened to Pony read aloud and shivered. He knew Pony was watching the tremulous rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed. He was reading _Jude the Obscure. _Justin didn't have to look up to know it was the copy he'd given Darry the first week he'd known him. He'd dozed off and his head ended up under the book, the book formed a little tent over his face. Darry came home from work and chuckled, ruffling his hair and taking the book from his head.

"I'll summarize it for ya kid."

Jude was plagued by circumstance and love, more often tragedy and love lost. Justin always wondered why Thomas Hardy would so thoroughly beat his characters into the ground of humanity. No love, no life, no career, no chance for anything better than death by some horrible method. And always, a different path for love to take. Justin shivered. He knew the feeling. He was using Pony's chest as a pillow. How much easier would it be to over lap Pony's frame and start a relationship based on desperation; clinging to the remainder of a past love affair in some untrue, debased form. There was still a chance for Darry but God it was hard to see when Justin was in so much pain and Darry was the cause.

Author: AHHHHH! Spanks for the reviews, you are all still the essence of awesomeness.


	17. Not Right

Justin had transcended the traditional pain he was so familiar with. It went so much deeper it drove pain to a level where he only felt it enough to know it was eating away at him. Why had he even bothered to develop a relationship that he knew could only end in pain? It wasn't worth it to feel like he had found everything he'd ever wanted in life and then lose it.

He wanted to murder who ever the hell was playing _I'll Be Home for Christmas _so damn loud that he could hear it.

Justin was startled at the depth of anger and betrayal he felt. Darry had only ever thought of the relationship as shallow and sexual yet he had the fucking morals to say Justin was too young. Justin wondered why he'd felt so much beyond the shallow end if Darrel hadn't. If Darry had felt more than sexual relations, why would he give Justin up?

Justin was beyond tears but he was tempted to finish the vodka. It wasn't like he had plans anyway. Pony had left after an uneventful night. Justin may have beenupset but he wasn't in any mood for a new relationship that would be a shallow attempt at recapturing anything mildly Darry like.

The wrapping paper he'd used on the gifts for the gang was still hanging limp over his table. The gifts were in his truck. Bows littered the table and ribbon was trekked into the kitchen. He could see the mess as he sat on his kitchen counter next to the stove and vodka. He'd brought a spare from work. Pony hadinsisted on cleaning up Justin's kitchen and he'd brought some groceries over. Justin's kitchen smell of Lysol pine cleaner and Vodka.

His phone rang and he slid down, easing the weight on his knee. Every part of him felt old and over used. His body was slow to respond to any order and it screamed in protest at his scant weight. The only chance he wanted for a life had been shattered and spilt on the floor like the vodka bottle.No mop or pine scented cleaner could help that.He felt old since he was learning the hardest lessons in life before he was out of high school.

"Hello?" Justin answered.

"Justin? How are you doing kid?" His boss asked.

"As well as expected I suppose." Justin said, leaning on the table with the phone on it. His knee was already buckling and he felt like he wasone wrong motion away from the floor.

"How much were the hospital bills?"

"Exorbitant." Justin didn't have medical since he wasn't legally allowed to work at a bar.

"I'll reimburse you for them since I can't add you to the employee policy. I'm sorry about what happened. Who jumped you?"

"I don't want to discuss it." Justin said.

"All right. Could you do me a favor?"

"What do you need?" Justin asked.

"Do you have plans tonight?"

The only place that wanted Justin on Christmas Eve was a bar.

He swore he felt his self esteem drain down his personality, fading it of all color and hue, all strength and character.

In short, Justin didn't go to work in a positive frame of mind.

Justin's frame of mind slid lower when customers were allowed behind the bar to give him kisses under the mistletoe as he sat on the counter, shaking and assembling their over priced peppermint spiked liquor. He was further driven down the slope of irritation when he had to retreat to the back room in order to avoid the police officers that came in to check on the general disposition of the bar. The general disposition would not be aided by an under aged bar tender with a bum knee.

He sat in the corner, tucked against a box of rum with his knees pulled to his chin. It hurt to bend that way but he needed to bury his face in shame since this was going to be the peak of his life for a while. He heard footsteps and pulled his knees in tighter, hoping to God it wasn't a police officer. He didn't need to top his night off by whatever they did to bartenders without i.d.s that looked like they belonged in a lit class versus a bar.

"Justin?" Justin looked up at Darry's voice. All the anger and pain he felt had no grounds when Darry was there, waiting for the wrath he'd incurred by inflicting so much hurt on Justin. Justin shook his head.

"Are you here to tell me I shouldn't be here too, since I'm too young to make this decision?" Justin's tone was flat and harmless. He couldn't put the spite he should've felt in his words. Darry knew it but he didn't press the weakness.

"No. I think we need to talk. Will you come home and talk to me?"

"Why can't we talk here?" Justin asked.

"Your boss mentioned the police wanting to check out the back room. He asked me to tell you to go home." Darry said. He turned from Justin with his hands in his pockets. It was strange to see Justin looking beaten and tired, old even, surrounded by malt liquor boxes and spare bar stools.

"Fine." Justin said. Darry offered his hand but Justin ignored it. "I'll follow you in my truck." Justin said, tossing his apron on a stool and heading for the door. Darry never noticed how small he was until he felt sorry for Justin. His shoulders were narrow and Darry could see his shoulder blades under his shirt.

Justin's driving hadn't improved with a dodgy knee and he pulled in a few minutes after Darry. He suspected everyone would be there and brought in the bags of their gifts. He'd hoped to leave quickly and not deal with whatever Darry needed to talk about. It just hurt to be around Darry.

Justin walked in and set the bags down in the general vicinity of the tree. The tree was straggly and looked like a horde of hoodlums had attempted to decorate it. It made him realize this was as close to a family as he would ever get and it was probably over. He grew agitated looking at a vandalized tree.

"Hey, can we talk now?" Darry asked, standing in the entrance to the room.

"Yes. I'm going to try to listen but I don't know how well I can." Justin said. His chest was starting to ache and it felt like his heart was beating directly against his ribs. His throat felt tight and he swore he could hear his heart beat in his temples. He wasn't angry but he felt dizzy.

"I'm sorry." Justin scoffed.

"What does that mean?" Justin asked.

"That means I didn't know it would hurt you, what I said." Darry said.

"But you meant it." Justin said.

"Yes." Justin took rapid steps to Darry and buried his face in Darry's chest.

"Why do you have to be so damn sure that you're right?" Justin felt Darry's arms come around him with great hesitance and he felt Darry sigh. Justin was crying now and it was because he realized the painful truth that rested in his own co dependant words.

"I'm not right." Darry said. He didn't need to finish saying how much he needed Justin since Justin knew it along with the rest of the gang, standing behind them, watching the tender embrace with confusion and the awkward poise of peeping toms.


	18. Ever the Same

Justin woke up because the overwhelming dizziness somehow seeped into his sleep. His head was spinning and shutting his eyes didn't allow for any repose. Where the hell was he? He looked around and shut his eyes again. The same dizziness made his pass out last night. Darry had put him on his bed. How gentlemanly.

Justin rolled off the bed and wondered what the scene would be after last night. He'd fainted when he realized they hadn't been alone but it'd been a long time coming. He stood up on unstable legs and found the walls still spun gently in his head. Time to see what the damage was.

Justin was leaning on walls as he walked the short length of hall to the family room. What could they really say anyway? Nothing really sounded like it would earn their understanding or acceptance. Nothing short of denial.

Darry was sitting on the armchair trying not to notice the forced silence from the gang. Christmas morning hadn't always been perfect but God, this was a new level of awkward. He didn't know what to say so their silence was reciprocated and welcomed. Justin had a way with words, maybe he could help. He heard Justin's stumbling footsteps in the hall and waited.

The gang took Justin's waking up as a sign it was time for an explanation or presents. If they'd been good there would be both. Justin came into the room looking very aggravated and even hung over but they knew it was likely from being in a less than perfect state of health. They hoped the same was true for whatever had gone on last night.

Soda wondered what all was happening between Superman and Justin. Steve was ready to launch an interrogation followed by a possibility of fists flying if Justin was somehow in the wrong (Justin not Darry since Steve knew his odds). Two Bit was confused but if anything, he'd brush it aside as Justin being drunk or Justin being shook up about the past few weeks. Pony just stood with his hands in his pockets looking very uncomfortable since it could've been him instead of Darry.

"So, what exactly is going on?" Steve said, keeping the swagger from his voice for a moment.

"Nothing." Justin said. He looked annoyed but not angry.

"You call last night nothing?"

"Yes. I call our relationship nothing. There isn't even a relationship. I would suggest leaving the topic alone since we were never more than friends and now we're on the brink of being less than friends. All right?" Justin said, narrowing his eyes. Darry looked startled but muffled the expression with an irritated mask. That boy was smart.

"What happened?" Soda asked.

"What do you mean, more than friends?" Steve asked.

"There ain't no such thing as more than friends unless there is a girl involved." Two Bit said, blinking at Steve.

"Enough. Justin is over here to have a pleasant Christmas and I'm attempting to behave well enough for that to happen. Can we move on?" Silence greeted Darry's question.

"The answer is yes." Justin said, flopping down on the couch near the tree. "I brought presents for you bunch of hoods so let's dispense some God damned holiday cheer. Where the hell is the cheap alcohol?"

Christmas turned into the ruckus Justin had imagined and he was surprised at the displays of affection and overall sentimental, stuff going on around him. Almost made him wish he could sit closer to Darry since he was freezing his ass off and everything that hurt would be overshadowed by the self image soothing of being in Darry's arms. Justin didn't want anything other than that though. He was too tired for anything more. Everything hurt too much. Even the rejection that had been rescinded still stung.

Justin was surprised at how fast the day and evening passed. Night turned into midnight and Darry carried Pony into his room after everyone else had left. Steve was done being the macho bellicose man and Justin was glad he didn't have to put the hurting on Steve since it would've hurt Justin to move fast enough to hit him.

Justin was wondering why everything seemed so anticlimactic. He shut his eyes and reflected that anticlimactic wouldn't hurt.

Darry came back in with a lofty sigh and sat on the couch. He lifted Justin's head and let it rest in his lap. He played with Justin's hair.

"Can we talk?"

"Hm." Justin mumbled a reply because Darry was massaging his scalp and talking might detract from his enjoyment of the platonic touch. It wasn't platonic to Darry.

"I'm sorry." Darry said.

"You still meant it." Justin said. He got up and walked to Darry's room. He stood near the foot of the bed and sighed.

"I've learned." Darry said. They didn't even have to discuss why Justin had lied to everyone about them. They both knew it was better to lie than be denied acceptance from the rest of the people who loved them.

"What have you learned?" Justin asked.

"If you're old enough to know what you need, you're old enough to have it." Darry said, sighing.

"How poetic Mr. Whitman. Do you still feel the same about me as before?" Justin faced Darry and Darry put his hands above Justin's hipbones.

"Yes." Justin took Darry's hand and kissed it. Darry eased closer, not moving Justin as he kissed Justin's neck. Justin let his head roll back as he and Darry fell back onto the bed. His voice was muffled in Darry's shoulder as he whispered.

"I don't."


	19. The World on Top of Superman

Darry noticed that after the first night, Justin was timid. He didn't like any touching beyond leaning on Darry and quick, frustrating hugs. They were frustrating because the right expression from Justin would give Darry a stiffy and Justin looked scared. Not just startled, Darry had seen that upon his initial displays of more than friendly affection, but frightened. Down to earth scared. Darry could almost understand it since Justin had been through hell and high water and remained amicable for it but he shouldn't be afraid of Darry. Darry was the one person he was supposed to rely on. Darry loved him. Darry didn't want to hurt him. He had but God, he didn't mean for it to hurt that much.

Darry drove to Justin's apartment and knocked. He didn't hear an answer so he went inside.

"Justin?"

Darry surveyed the apartment and realized Justin must be in his room. Probably asleep. Pony had said he'd been having a lot of homework at school. He wondered if that was an excuse or the reason for Justin's sleeping schedule. Justin would fall asleep with his head in Darry's lap. Darry reflected that it might've been a deterrent. He peered in Justin's bedroom and noted his clothes strewn about. An entire outfit minus boxers. Justin's head was buried in a pillow. His knee was still hurting him but his flesh wounds were healing and he'd gotten the stitches removed. He wore an odd metal chain around his neck and he looked more peaceful than Darry had ever seen him. Darry wondered if this was the happy ending they'd been looking for.

"Justin?" Justin opened an eye and hugged the pillow tighter.

"You're supposed to climb in and spoon me before you wake me up. And your tone could use come work." Justin's smirk had returned, unaltered by any stimulants or pain. Darry took his shoes off, tossing his jacket off and stripping to his boxers. It was early to go to sleep but he wondered if Justin's good mood was a feign or a sincere desire for the boxers to be unnecessary shortly.

"You're in a good mood." Darry slid in Justin's bed and hesitated. Justin rolled to face him and gripped his hands, guiding them to rest on his hipbones.

"Can I tell you something that makes me very happy?"

"Of course."

"Promise you won't over react or do anything weird, just listen for a minute."

"Yes." Darry said looking into Justin's eyes. A little timid but still a strange glint of hope and an even stranger euphoria.

"You remember my brother?" Darry's hand immediately tickled Justin's hair. Half blonde half black. Darry was torn between calling it shaggy or a new kind of sexy.

"Yes." Darry implied his distaste and desire for a meeting with said family member in a dark alley through his tone.

"I got a call this morning. He's in the local slammer for armed robbery. They had to use those beater sticks on him." Justin giggled and burrowed into Darry's warm chest.

"Why'd they call you?"

"To see if I'd post bail." Justin laughed.

"What exactly does this mean?" Darry said.

"It means I'm happy and I think I'm beginning to understand who really matters to me."

"I take it that isn't your brother since you aren't posting bail?" Darry said.

"No. You matter. We matter. I'm sorry if I've forgotten that lately."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. What was going on with you anyway?" Darry asked.

"What are you referring to? The episode of binge drinking or afterwards?"

"Lately. You seemed scared of me." Darry said.

"I wasn't scared of you. I was scared of, being intimate." Justin said. Darry ran his fingers through Justin's hair and sighed.

"But we were intimate that night-"

"I know. I thought I could ignore it but that just made it worse." Justin said.

"Help me understand this since I've never met a guy who was scared like this. What exactly were you of afraid of? We've been intimate plenty of times." Darry said.

"You can't imagine being scared of having sex with me because you've seen how crazy I go without you. I'm assuming most of your experiences with sex have been pleasant. I was scared because I thought we might just be having sex for sex, and that you didn't love me anymore. Oh damn it, I was scared of getting hurt again and you knew it." Justin flushed and wriggled closer. "And I know I've probably been frustrating as hell lately."

"Damn straight." Darry muttered. Justin rolled on top of Darry and smiled, shaking his head.

"I suppose I have to apologize to little Darry too."

"It would be appropriate." Darry said, his breathing doubling at the much-missed sight of his thin paramour smiling down at him.

"The world isn't appropriate when I'm on top of you Superman."

"I don't mind." Darry said.

"You wouldn't."


	20. Sharing is Caring

Justin leaned down on Darry and kissed him, entwining their fingers as he pressed Darry's palms to the mattress. His knees rested against the mattress as he pressed his waist against Darry's. The particular angle his knees were making was painful and it made him shift at inconsistent intervals. His knee would be tricky to manage.

Justin's jaw moved against Darry's mouth and his tongue eased into Darry's mouth. He started, gasping as Darry's hands gripped his thighs. Darry would've questioned the sudden tension in Justin's frame if his hands hadn't moved to Darry's shoulders as he gasped, smiling and kissing Darry's forehead. Justin liked the gentleness that still implied intimate passion and possession.

Darry smiled and put an arm around Justin's neck, pulling him back to kissing range. Justin's knee straightened as he leaned forward and rested his hands on either side of Darry's head. Darry's free hand ran down Justin's back along well-known and favored paths as the other remained wrapped around Justin's neck.

There were less words exchanged because they both understood sentiments and emotions relayed in touch and caress. Justin shuddered at the depth expressed in touch and caress alike as Darry kissed him, his fingers entwined tightly in Justin's hair as his other hand slid higher on his legs, his entire palm dragging up until his hand rested against Justin's thigh. He pressed Justin's waist against his own and exhaled at the desired pressure. Justin kissed Darry's jaw as he sank lower against the strong frame under him, wondering if that translated that he wanted Darry to do that again. Darry did that again and arched up, capturing Justin's mouth. He would've rolled on top of Justin if Justin hadn't sat back up with his knees at that painful angle. Darry understood.

Little Darry understood when Justin's hands traced the contours of his stomach muscles down to his waist. Darry's hands rested on Justin's thighs again, hoping to ease the pressure on Justin's knees. Justin's hands traced back up Darry's stomach and rested on his shoulders. He leaned down and kissed Darry's throat, transferring intense heat from Darry's Adams apple to his collarbone before lifting his mouth as Darry whimpered. Justin kissed his chest and moved to other tenuous spots. His fingers traced Darry's ribs as his mouth entertained one of Darry's nipple and then the other. He abruptly took his mouth away and listened to Darry's gasp. He placed a hot kiss above Darry's collarbone and knew the powerful swell of passion he'd caused.

Justin hands finally draped lower on Darry's frame. His fingers were painfully slow in lowering and he toyed with the waistband of Darry's boxers. He slid them off and ran his hands down Darry's thighs, not drawing any closer to his rapidly hardening erection. Darry was breathing heavy and almost out of patience. Justin smiled and ran his thin fingers over Darry's hipbone before proceeding to the base of his erection. Darry responded immediately to the slight touch and Justin increased the motion of his fingers up and down his length as Darry groaned.

"Justin." Darry's words ended in a muted moan. Justin nuzzled low on Darry's tight stomach, kissing the defined lines of his muscles. "Justin." Darry looked liked he wanted to articulate something so Justin focused his attention on Darry's face, smiling.

"What is it?"

"Touch _me_." Darry's emphasis on the word "me" implied what part of him wanted the touching and his flush and writhing were evidence of the need. He arched into Justin's hand and his eyes pleaded. Justin entwined their fingers again and Darry blinked. He understood.

Darry's hand guided Justin's along his chest for the last, languid and lusty trail to some relief. Darry's hand overlapped Justin's as he guided Justin's thin fingers to his erection. Darry reached for Justin's other hand and he guided it to where he wanted it. He was leaning forward and Justin kissed his lips lightly, flushing. Darry wasn't the only one who found the situation pleasing.

Darry's hands remained overlapping Justin's on his erection for a moment while he tried to draw some air into his lungs without panting like an animal in heat. Justin's hands trembled against him and made his skin tingle. Justin looked nervous.

"You said you wanted me to touch you." Justin said, blinking uncertainly at Darry.

"I meant it." Justin blinked.

"Show me how you want me to touch you. Just for future reference." Justin said. He leaned forward, sliding his hands from Darry's and kissing him. He pushed Darry against the headboard and Darry sighed. He was more comfortable and his breathing calmed although his erection hadn't. Darry took Justin's hands and replaced them under his.

Darry moaned as Justin's hands and fingers slid over his erection under his own. Justin had never seen Darry quite so afraid of loosing control. He liked it. This kind of touching, although low on the sexual encounter scale, was intimate and sheltered a closeness and face-to-face contact that Justin liked. It was always good to vary things anyway especially since the last time they'd had sex it'd been a nightmare for him. This was what Justin needed from Darry before anything else was reestablished. (Anything else meaning sex that would require a stable knee on Justin's part.)

Darry moaned and arched into Justin's frame as they were pressed close against the headboard. He was driven to further ecstasy when Justin's frame didn't give against his and his chest arched against Justin's shoulders. Justin's hands kept moving despite the lack of motion from Darry's, which now clung to Justin in the grip of passion and possession. Darry climaxed and started when Justin's hands left his completed erection and came around him, kissing him and pressing him to the headboard. Darry would've assumed Justin would've wanted to wash his hands or something. He never really pictured Justin as the down and dirty type but it wasn't dirty necessarily. He didn't see Justin giving him head and swallowing though.

Justin was still panting as Darry deflated and came to his senses. He realized Justin had given him the best hand job he'd even had and it was still a very sexual, sensual occurrence. His semen was a bit of mess and Justin chuckled.

"I won't be offering clean up services."

Darry pulled Justin on top of him, still boxer clad although the boxers weren't boasting a shapeless front any longer. Darry kissed Justin's forehead. Justin smirked before he spoke.

"Awful platonic for someone who just got a hand job."

Darry rolled on top of Justin, careful of not resting any weight on his frame and smiled down at him. Aroused and a bit vulnerable, but still making comments that would make a monk laugh or scowl at the general lasciviousness involved. Darry leaned down to kiss him and Justin wound his wiry arms around Darry's neck. When Darry pulled away, he took Justin with him and Justin kissed his throat as Darry rolled his eyes. Justin rested his shoulders against the headboard and gave Darry a very inquisitive look.

"What?"

"You're acting very un-platonic for me to still be wearing my underwear." Darry laughed out loud and made a sudden motion for Justin's shoulder, causing him to bounce against the headboard with Darry pressing against him as Darry bit Justin's shoulder where it met his neck. Justin hissed and wriggled under him while restraining what sounded like giggles and wrapping his arms around Darry's broad back. "What is with all the foreplay? I didn't think you were a biter."

"I try to change it up and you have nice skin." Darry muttered before nipping Justin's neck.

"Don't give me a hickey." Justin warned as he rolled his neck. Darry kissed his Adams apple and loved the expression Justin held as Darry ran kisses down from his neck to his collarbone.

"You're so vain." Darry attempted to sing the song his mother had sang once to his father when he was wearing a suit and dancing but his voice cracked. Justin chuckled and shuddered.

"Hey Darry?" Justin asked.

"Yeah?"

"Touch me. Please." Justin was blushing sincerely since he was really in need of some attention and release. He'd earned it.

Darry made quick work of Justin's boxers and noted that he was shivering and cold. Darry grabbed the comforter from the end of the bed and tossed it over the headboard, forming a tent like enclosure over of the silken underside of the suede over them. Justin laughed with some nerves still audible. He had some issues about sex and it made him vulnerable when he was aroused. Darry eased his head between Justin's thighs and took Justin's head into his mouth. It'd been a while.

Justin's moans were just as effectual as usual and his hands entangled in Darry's hair within a few moments of effectual touch. He was panting and arching and he felt like he might shatter into a million pieces. Everything around him was, perfect. Everything was such a pleasurable sensation that he just wanted to melt into this moment of time and remain forever. The sheets under them were feathery support for their wearied frames, caressing his thighs and back as Darry's tongue pleasured other more important areas, the headboard where Justin tossed his head was a stable link to reality to writhe against, his fingers were entwined in his lover's hair without fear of reprisal, the comforter over them sealed their world of warm air and musk, and his lover was the only one Justin wanted to share a bed and home with for his entire life.

Author: Any suggestions?


	21. Converse, Boxers and a Cliff Hanger

_Sorry it's been a while. I'm winding it down. It takes a lotta energy to write lemons... What can I say? It's a mean cliff hanger because I need to edit the lemon... So, no sex this chapter. I think it's only gonna be one more chapter, but I'm starting a new story... Tell me what you think... (Btw, Darry and Justin haven't seen each other for two weeks. Why? Absence makes the heart grow fonder)_

"Long time no see short stuff. Where you been?" Steve asked, glancing over the sofa at Justin as he walked through the door.

"I've been catching up at school and working my ass off. They put me in physical therapy if you can believe it. And I certainly can't hang around with you hoods with a busted knee so a few weeks of separation was good for us I'm sure."

"Do you ever wear a coat?" Darry leaned on the door frame from the kitchen. "Shut the door." Justin flushed, looking scalded and shut the door.

"Not even a welcome back short stuff?" Justin pouted and saw a dangerous glint in Darry's eyes. It'd been a long two weeks for him and if Justin's knee wasn't fully recovered, it'd be even longer.

"Welcome _home_ short stuff." Darry rushed to him, making a motion to put him in a headlock before lifting him and swinging him around. He started when the boy's thin arms came around his neck and his legs wrapped around his waist, Justin's head resting on Darry's neck as his chest pressed to Darry's back.

"I'm ready to put the hurting on you Superman."

"Damn, that was good. You gotta show me how to do that sometime." Steve said, turning his attention back to the blaring television. Darry groaned as Justin undulated against him before bucking outright against Darry.

"Aren't you late for work?" Darry asked, his hands reaching for Justin. Justin's response was to tightened his legs and push his feet against Darry's belt, pushing on his pants, threatening to force them down. Steve glanced at a clock.

"Shit." He was up and running around the house, hollering at Soda within ten seconds. Darry and Justin were alone in the front room, temporarily.

"You'd better stop wiggling against me or get used to having your legs there to hide how damn horny I am because of you boy." Darry muttered. Justin's legs dropped their vise grip from his waist and Darry swung him around so his face was just below Darry's, legs still swinging.

"Miss me?" Darry's hands pressed Justin closer.

"I missed you. I didn't think you'd actually go through the entire two week separation." Darry said, pouting.

"Hey, you started your managerial classes so you can run that shoddy roofing company and I was behind in math. If we didn't have some alone time we'd both be flunking." Darry let him drop and he yelped, dancing to the sofa on one leg..

"What's all the hollering about?" Soda came in and his face brightened. He jumped to Justin and hugged him, ruffling his hair before plopping on the couch to tie his shoes.

"I thought you said your knee was better?" Steve said, grabbing Soda's hat and plopping down next to him. He'd heard Justin's yelp apparently.

"I thought you were late." Darry muttered. Justin smiled at Darry's pouting.

"It's mostly better. Where's Pony?"

"He started taking college classes on weekends and stuff. They say it'll make college faster and easier and the school is paying for it. He's smart even though he's had a few bad marks and they know he'd do better somewhere else." Soda said. Justin felt a stab that Pony had been his best friend but he didn't know that.

"He's very happy there." Darry said, very quiet as he met Justin's eyes. Justin knew Pony had talked to Darry about his attempted come on. He didn't know when or why, but he knew the conversation had happened. He didn't know if Darry explained it but he hoped Pony understood. Pony was the only one capable of understanding.

"He's so happy he's trying to get Two Bit to pass his classes now. Thinks it'll prove how much he's learned if he can get that block head to retain anything beyond a blonde's number." Steve said, scoffing as he got up. "Why aren't you at work anyway Superman?"

"They gave me today off to study." He glanced to Justin briefly and somehow got away with licking his lips. Justin knew he was thinking 'I'll study something all right, something I haven't seen for two damn weeks'. "Besides, they wanna see what happens if they leave my boss in charge."

"Well, we're looking at the future head of the roofing company, aren't we?" Soda took the hat off of Steve's head and put it on Darry before bounding out the door. Steve growled and followed him with a less bounding gait, slamming the door. Darry glanced out the window and waited for Steve's car to pull out and round the block. He turned his attention to Justin again but started when the boy jumped in his arms and clung.

"If I could, I would climb you." Justin said, arms wrapped around Darry's neck as he slipped. Darry rolled his eyes and pulled him up closer.

"That'd be a as useful as your belt since I'm just going to throw you on the bed anyway."

Darry supported the boy but let his hands roam as he leaned in for a kiss. Justin wriggled under his touch, letting his knees grip around Darry's waist as Darry's hands ran over his thighs. Darry parted their kiss and blinked, glancing at Justin's legs. Even through jeans he could tell his over thin lover had become less overtly thin.

"You put on some meat boy." Justin flushed a deep red and let his grip fall, setting his toes on the ground.

"It was hard. I hope you're happy with it." Darry's hand ran up his thigh again, ending at his back pocket.

"Very. You have an ass now." Justin flushed somehow darker and scoffed.

"You sound so excited."

"How did you manage to gain weight at all?" Darry murmured, kissing his neck and pulling the slightly less bony frame to his.

"I had a co worker feed me. She also told me something very helpful about weak kneed lovers."

"Which co worker?" Darry said.

"Same one that fed me." Darry kissed him again, letting his tongue sweep against Justin's mouth and feeling Justin's startled but welcoming reaction.

"A reliable source then. You can show me in the bedroom." Justin chuckled but was cut off by Darry swinging him over his shoulders.

"I'm not that weak kneed."

"I know but it's supposed to be romantic." Darry said.

"Who's been giving you romance advice?" Justin muttered, gasping for air as Darry let him slide from his shoulders to the ground. He was going to toss Justin to the bed but Justin planted his feet.

"A guy at work."

"Figures. Slow down Superman. You're still clothed, I'm still clothed and where is the lube?"

Justin chuckled and Darry pulled him close. Justin kissed him and let his tongue wander. Darry broke the kiss and let his rough fingertips brush over Justin's face. Justin seemed to curl into the embrace and his eyes fluttered shut for a long moment. Darry shivered and brushed his finger over Justin's lip, shivering further at his own daring. He was started when Justin's tongue lapped at the finger and his eyes opened. His eyes roved over Darry's face but not in the startled, desperately searching manner Darry had seen before. A slow, content gaze made Darry moan and Justin's soft smile was his reward.

"Once we start, we're going to have to go slow." Justin said. He looked uneasy but it was only a flicker. Darry kissed his throat, letting his mouth surround Justin's Adams apple, feeling his pulse. He moved to kiss Justin again and found his mouth closed and unwilling. He pulled back and blinked. "Did you hear me?" Justin glanced at Darry's face, scanning his eyes pensively.

"Yes. I will take it slow. I know. I haven't forgotten you in two weeks Justin." Darry took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed, tempted to pull Justin with him. Justin watched him, his head cocked to the side as Darry pulled his shoes off and continued to strip. He stopped at his underwear and Justin laughed out loud.

"The infamous 'gonna get some hot tail tonight' tightie whities." Justin flushed. He was hot tail to the kick your ass if you mess with my gang Darry.

"They are red and it is indeed the hot tail night. When you're naked I am more than ready for this weak kneed lovin'." Darry said. His hot tail under wear and their revealing nature could've told Justin that too.

Justin stripped a lot faster than Darry and his clothes practically flew. His Converse would likely be at opposite ends of the room and he was sure he wouldn't be able to find his boxers come morning, but morning was a long time away.


	22. One Last Lemon

_Last chappie, sniff, thank you all for your love and reviews. One last lemon. _

Justin pushed Darry towards the bed and searched in his nightstand. He chuckled when he found real lube rather than lotion. He locked the door and shut the blinds like Darry had so many times before.

"Real lube. You must really love me." Justin slid onto the bed, his leg under him for a moment as Darry sat on the other side of the bed. His hot tail underwear were abandoned somewhere between the foot of the bed and the pillows.

"I loved you long before I thought of needing lube." Darry said, chuckling and extending his arms in a hug like shape, waiting for Justin to snuggle close. Justin crawled over to him and let Darry press him close, feeling the warmth encircle him once more. It had been a long two weeks.

Darry kissed Justin's temple and felt him exhale as Darry pressed him closer, pulling and pressing until their heartbeats blended. He felt the fiery heat of Justin's cheek against his chest and felt the boy's every breath. Soon that burning heat would spread through Justin's frame until even his fingertips were laced with heat until their lust was as tangible as they were. God he'd missed this boy.

Justin kissed Darry's collarbone and smiled. He hadn't noticed yet. He would.

Darry moved to kiss Justin's shoulder, his hand traveling up Justin's back and he started, seeing a black smudge on Justin's neck. It wasn't a smudge. It was a new tattoo. An inverted curve just below where his neck met his spine, a single word. Yours.

Justin heard a moan followed by his name and smiled, moving his head to kiss Darry's forehead. He shivered as Darry's tongue licked his Adams apple.

"No matter where you go, what you lose or gain, who you forget or meet, I am yours."

Darry let Justin urge him to his back and blinked up at the boy who was again pensive. The next instant the lube was on Darry and sliding to his stomach, very cold. He grasped and arched upwards, hearing Justin chuckle.

"Sorry. I'm a little nervous. She only explained how to do this."

"We have had sex before you know." Darry said, blinking. "Don't worry yourself. You've heard of performance anxiety?" Justin laughed.

"All right all right." He handed Darry the lube and scuttled next to the older man. "That's still your job."

"It's my pleasure."

Darry coated his fingers in lube and urged Justin into his lap. Justin wrapped his arms around Darry's neck and buried his face in Darry's chest. Darry ran his hand up Justin's thigh and slid it in between his legs, a finger gliding further. Justin gasped and tension wracked his frame. He exhaled and forced himself to accept the intrusion. He wriggled closer to Darry and pressed his lips to Darry's shoulder.

Justin yelped at the second finger and his fists clenched as his arms hung around Darry.

"Easy." Darry murmured and Justin felt the rumbling tone as it resonated in his chest and throat. Justin's senses reeled with fresh pain and he muttered something in between gasps. "What?" Darry asked, glancing at his lover's face. His eyes were clenched as tightly as his fists and his breathing wrought tremors through his frame.

"I'm too small. It's been too long."

"Justin, that's ridiculous. You're scared and you're drawn as taut as a piano wire." Darry pressed his chest closer to Justin and tilted Justin's face to his. "You aren't too anything." Justin kissed Darry and Darry continued stretching the boy. He willed himself to relax and Darry's third finger only drew a start from him. Darry was amazed at the variations of security his lover had been through in roughly five minutes but he didn't mind. He was lucky to have a chance at all with the boy who'd been tainted by abuse and left so bereft as to have no one and nothing. Then he found Darry. He'd fought for Darry.

Justin urged Darry to his back again and Darry folded his hands under his head, waiting. Justin reached over him and fluffed a pillow under his head. He chuckled and threw the other pillow at him. Justin chuckled.

"I figured I didn't need to thank you for dealing with my, insecurities because I am about to fuck you." Justin said as he slid onto Darry's thighs.

Darry moaned as Justin's flesh set his aflame. Justin's blood, he swore, ran fifteen degrees warmer than his. It certainly felt like it when his thin frame was perched on top of his. Justin's hands played across Darry's chest and Darry let his head drop against the pillow as he groaned.

"What?"

"Seeing you there, the right expression on your face would finish it." Justin chuckled.

"You say that but I bear witness to your longevity. I'm going to try it, slowly. Try not to buck or anything."

"What am I, a bull? Do you get eight seconds and then off?" Darry asked, chuckling.

"Hmmm, you're more of a bronco and I hope to get more than eight seconds, but then again, I don't have spurs." Justin looked down at Darry and Darry laughed, shaking his head.

Justin slid to Darry's erection and took a breath. He was really going to impale himself on Darrel's erect "member". He bit down on his lip to prevent the scream he knew would meet this endeavor. Gravity was against him, those ten pounds he'd gained were against him and his entire body, braced for a vicious intrusion rather than his lover, was well set against him. Darry smiled and touched his arm. Darry wasn't against him.

Darry watched Justin lower himself on his erection and the sensations that battered him caused him to throw his head against the pillow and fist the sheets. He made the slightest move with his hips and a whimper scolded him. He willed himself still, breathing and sweating as Justin lowered himself all the way down. When he was in Justin it was like he was being burned, but God, in the very best way possible.

Darry felt like his nails must be digging holes in the sheets and he opened his eyes, still gasping like he'd been drowned half to death. He looked up to Justin and saw his breathing was much the same. He'd broken into a sweat and he hadn't changed his position a millimeter, a few tears passing through his eyes before he shut them. Darry let his hands touch Justin's thighs to reassure him and they slid to his legs, feeling sweat gathered on the underside of his trembling knees.

"Easy. I love you. You, feel, wonderful." Darry gasped and moaned as Justin shifted.

"Do I get my eight seconds now?"

Darry felt Justin shift and noted a startled gasp. He was already hitting that spot in his lover that drove him to a grinding, sweating, moaning release. This position for "weak kneed" lovers wasn't so bad after all. Darry edged his hips up and Justin blinked, a frisson of pleasure coursing through his small frame. He was still very sensitive. Justin smiled a smile underlined by his trembling as pleasure burst through his veins.

"Not even out of the gate yet."

"When did you become a bronc rider?" Darry said, letting his hands rest on Justin's hips as he prepared for what he hoped would be more than eight seconds.

"When I topped you and tamed little Darry." Justin said, leaning forward and resting his palms on the bed.

"Tamed?" Darry arched again, a little wobbly but hell, he was taught to have sex with women and a thin boy was riding him. The thought made Darry laugh and Justin keened in pleasure.

"I'll bring spurs next time." Justin shut his eyes and let the bronco buck until they were both to the mutual point of exhaustion and ecstasy. Justin leaned down, Darry's hand over his erection and Darry plunged upwards into him as hard as his young back and hips would allow, sending them both over the edge, screaming.

Justin let Darry untangle them and snuggled closer. He didn't remember what he'd been screaming but he knew he'd scream his throat raw. Darry coughed and Justin guessed he felt the same way. That had been the roughest, hardest sex they'd ever had and with it came great possibility of guilt. They both felt it crawling towards them like a shadow in a bad dream; a nameless, shapeless and vague sensation that would overwhelm them and strangle the peace they'd found.

Darry's fingers played over the flesh ornamented by the new tattoo as his eyelids drooped. Sweat trickled across their frames and Darry let his hand stray into Justin's hair, feeling the unfettered heat at his scalp.

"You aren't just here to ride broncos." Darry said. He was trying to find his vocabulary again and it was difficult when he was confronted with a bare expanse of porcelain flesh, talented flesh. Very talented.

"Oh?" Justin inclined his face to Darry's, his green eyes as bright as a pure emerald.

"You're here because we belong together." Justin kissed Darry's shoulder, too wearied to move closer.

"I love you."

"I love you too Justin. And I am yours, I'm just too much of a pussy to get a tattoo."

_I had to end it thusly. Like? I heart you all. If you love me too, I'm starting a new story and I may be alluding to this couple in it eventually, and I will say that the pairing will involve someone who was shot down this time around. _

_It won't let me paste the address, check the just in or my profile. I'm sorry, I tried to make it easy... It's called Brooklyn from New York..._

_Enjoy, hugs and kisses. (Btw, does anyone know how to indent that frigging paragraphs?) _


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